Kerala farewell

April 27, 2019April 27, 2019 SF3 Comments

We’re slap bang in the middle of a highway

Winds are picking up and rushing through Lucie’s hairs.

The traffic is relentless but not orderly. We are in India. There are always patterns so it’s invariably differently organised from what you’d expect from the point of view of a westerner.

Much of the traffic is fully loaded others on the lookout antennae twitching, scouring, searching for its next load to carry back to the nest.

I wonder….What time do ants get up to start their working day?

The sun rises burning off the moisture lifting the misty fog.

It’s quite noisy with bird life making its presence known. Now and then the crack of a gun. What do they shoot out here? Rabbits? Birds? Wild boar?

Manjula is with us on the rocky outcrop in the mini photo I’ve introduced to everyone we met on this trip. She’s probably met as many people as we did on our mini holidays. It’s a bit weird as I don’t give the full details, just that she’s my wife from Mysore.

It’s time to move. The old mans knees and calf muscles are showing signs of age as every day passes

Lucie the pack leader that she is, the one to track through memory and smell leads the way.

A siren blares. Think Second World War. It’s time for work at the tea plantation or factory.

“Luce wait for me.”

She chooses not to wait for me. By the time I reach our hillside cottage she’s way past it down at the bottom waiting for breakfast.

Another great Kerala Wayanad breakfast and now it’s time to move again and leave the Dhanagiri homestay.

Thanks to Anant and his lovely family.

Election time

April 25, 2019 SF1 Comment

We’re in Wayanad at election time. The country is so big with so many people it’s taking weeks for the election to be held.

Here in wayanad the leader of congress Rahul Gandhi is standing. They seem to choose to stand for election wherever they want regardless of any local links. Here we also see the BJP leader supporting the local candidate and the third often biggest local party are the communists.

A book I read recently by Naomi Klein suggests Modi is part of a wave of right wing political leaders that includes The Donald.

How sweet! She looks so young 🙂

This reminds me of an earlier posting of Manjula’s first vote five years ago. Here

Here’s a plan

April 25, 2019 SF1 Comment

As we breath in the fresh country air with the birdsong and circular saw sound in the background.

Two friends, chosen brother and sister of Manjula have kindly agreed to step into the breach and replace her as director on the company

Mysore Bed and Breakfast will continue with the support of our wonderful local friends and those around the world. Open August and full on open October onwards.

Faizan comes to live at the house for May and June to look after it and comfort Lucie.

I’ll visit friends and family for Manjula love and hugs in UK, Canada and USA in May and June.

So far…..

Unreturned love of my star

April 24, 2019April 25, 2019 SF3 Comments

This poem is not about my situation at all. But is it or isn’t it?

In my current state, I’ve become ‘masterful’ at Seeing the world through my very specific spectacles (flexi specs) Without a doubt they are not bifocal or even trifocals, they are progressives.

I can see all sorts of things. I can see what I want to see.

I’ve got them on now, I turn the metaphorical (!?) dial.

First setting ‘reality’ to see the smile that lights up the room of my beautiful my lovable (it’s what Manjula means) Manjula, the one who I adore whose presence I carry with me and who I miss intently. She’s absolutely perfect (OK, that’s the rose tinted setting and comes with the territory).

Second, I look back to see how Manjula grew and blossomed, showed strength through endless challenges, changed me in so many ways and through the connections she made, left a part of her with her friends throughout the world.

Oh no, I slipped and mistakenly landed on grief 2 (you know the guilt trip, ‘what if’ one where we don’t HAVE to be there) whoops, move it back a step to grief 1 (dealing with the gaping hole, the big loss, we just have to manage this one)

And finally I turn it to magical thinking to cherish and hold her with me as a star in the sky, she’s not quite here or there for that matter, maybe she does feel something, maybe not but it doesn’t matter, as my love, sent out as a ray, a beam will still hold strong. I can be the more loving one, in fact I’m the one that’s left, so I have to be

THE MORE LOVING ONE
by W.H. Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

A getaway

April 24, 2019April 25, 2019 SF5 Comments

Lucie and I are away on our own in Wayanad.

Anjum the ever enthusiastic drove us.

And here’s the the view at Dhanagiri homestay.

She’s been on edge. Primarily of course she’s sad dog as we’ve lost something from our heart. Then with me getting ready and packed she thinks I’m going to leave her, no sweat there but then the longest car ride ever, almost four hours. Now plumped in a coffee plantation.

Where are we, what’s happening? Tell me!

Update

Thunder, lightening, rain….. strange environment, she is sooooo not impressed.

Update again.

Breakfast finished, next to walk up the hill with Manjula, Lucie and Abha.

Guess who’s with us in more ways than one.

This trip is proving useful to help me connect with the spirit of my soul. I know, it all sounds a bit new age or Hebden Bridge (the alternative place where my house is in the U.K.). I realise it’s one of the messages from Manjula that I now see more clearly. It’s not really new age, more slowing down the hare and learning from Manjula’s grace. More later.

ap pagal hey

April 23, 2019April 23, 2019 SF4 Comments

I’m getting into a weekly routine. Buying gorgeously fragrant flowers

Then back to the Ashram as lunch arrives.

I’m invited to partake but I’m not taking photos of the people who live her as requested by the home.

And a word from one of the sponsors

Tom and Amy remembering…

‘ap pagal hey’ is what Manj and Tom used to say to each other all the time. Means you’re crazy. Haha

On my remembering, it’s sometimes getting harder. It’s easy to remember the last few weeks of her life but more difficult to recall the older more positive memories without falling into the blubbering brook

Mixed feelings

April 20, 2019 SF1 Comment

Even a smile sheds tears.

It’s a significant anniversary

April 20, 2019 SF1 Comment

Today, exactly four weeks after my beautiful died I’m at the old people’s ashram.

In memory of Manjula we’re gifting all today’s meals. I’ve arrived an hour early so it’s time to chill, remember and reflect and in a very limited way feed my addiction to share with you guys.

Back in Siddarthanagar smileys have appeared on the road, overnight.

Using stencils and water soluble spray paints they are another simple way to discreetly and publically remember and acknowledge.

There’s a fair amount of sweeping goes on at the ashram.

Checking out Manjula

Wild goose chase 57B

April 19, 2019 SFLeave a comment

So the government in its infinity wisdom demands that we have a sign at our business premises to prove something or other then photograph it and submit it. I kid ye not!

Admittedly I’ve done it in my keystone cops not quite willing to comply sort of way.

I’ll have another go in the morning after I’ve slept on it and if my carefully positioned selfie shot doesn’t seem to do the trick.

Yes the director of the business is supposed to be in the shot, even the Indian government is promoting selfies.

Memories of Manjula

April 17, 2019 SF1 Comment

There are just so many….. photos everywhere (Manjula would complain that there were too many but I never believed her)

These are in prominent positions in the house.

This one with lots of her things as part of the pooja on specific days, they’re not always there!

The logo created by Punith.

videos ….

Article in the Guardian (photo is taken from the article)

The river Kaveri where Manjula said a prayer after our wedding celebration in the field on Srirangaptnam. A tender memory.

Facebook and blog postings, meals at the Ashram for the elderly residents ……. remembered happenings, and most importantly the piece of her that’s in my heart that will always make me smile, ( the T-shirt I gave her in recognition of this and the rosette I made awarding her best maid in Mysore after working for her for one year…. early signs of my love?)