Train to Sheffield
So Stephen why first class?
Comfy seat, crisps, orange juice and cake, followed by cream tea: scone/jam/cream, cup of tea and biscuit.
It’s called a no-brainer.
I also escaped a ‘snow’ storm.
What’s not to like?
And these two great characters.
Out with Simon yesterday, he asked me how I was managing my grief, after MAnjula had passed to the other side. (Not his words).
We acknowledged grief never goes, is unique and changes, as we do.
Today’s reflection
When you’re close to tears, remember
Someday it’ll all be over
One day we’re gonna get so high
Though it’s darker than December
What’s ahead is a different colour
One day we’re gonna get so high
And at the end of the day, remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we wonder how we made it through, and at
The end of the day, remember the way
We stayed so close ’til the end
We’ll remember it was me and you
‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love
‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love
Don’t you think it’s time you started
Doing what we always wanted?
One day we’re gonna get so high
‘Cause even the impossible
Is easy when we got each other
One day we’re gonna get so high
And at the end of the day, remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we wonder how we made it through, and at
The end of the day, remember the way
We stayed so close ’til the end
We’ll remember it was me and you
‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love
‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love
And at the end of the day, remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we wonder how we made it through, and at
The end of the day, remember the way
We stayed so close ’til the end
We’ll remember it was me and you
‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love
‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love
‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love
‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love
We’re gonna get so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high
…
A selection of memories
I’m paddling in the tunnel of love layered above me and through the grief gravy.
A mix of happy memories and sadness.
It’s part of life.
Stephen
After staying with us in 2025 and 2026
Initially here for yoga conference she soon branched out to all sorts of activities — stone carving, chanting, Kannada and Sanskrit — she returns to France next month to continue her studies to become a doctor.
She’s a great example of why we do this. Making new friends from India and around the world and together doing good in our community.
She’s joined our ‘family’ in so many ways. Probably the most important is how she helps us with Kaveri.
Kaveri is one of the young people we support in the community. She stays with us alternate weeks and Maïlis has been her chaperone this year. Ensuring that each evening and night there’s a woman available also staying who can guide, support Kaveri and generally available to help ensure she’s happy and safe.
We’re asking our women friends if they can help us and become a chaperone, like Maïlis. That’s being here and staying overnight when Kaveri does. It doesn’t pay but there’s somewhere to stay and sometimes a meal to share, most importantly you’re making an important contribution.
You can get involved as little or as much as you can.
Want to find out more? Help us broaden Kaveri’s horizons through the diverse people she meets.
My dear Lucie.
We met when someone had dumped you, your brother and sister at the end of our street.
We’ve had so much fun together. Almost from the very first moment I came to live in Mysore.
It didn’t take long for you to realise where the kindly Firangi, — who fixed your skin problems and regularly fed you — came from, so you all followed.
The man who lived downstairs was less keen on the black — India street dog and her siblings— setting up home under our tree. This was… Exactly where you came to rest on Saturday when you were feeling ill and went back to that same tree.
We’d chase and roll around in the park, with Vis another street dog becoming a friend.
In time I found homes for your brother and sister. You had the op at People for Animals, with a neat ‘bite’ taken out of your ear so you wouldn’t be re-captured and spayed again. (When I first visited India I wondered why many street dogs had a bite taken out of an ear. — it wasn’t another dog! ) 🤭
You became part of our wonderful family
Whenever neighbours saw me without you, they’d want know where you were. I even went to a hotel miles away on the other side of the city where a waiter asked where you were! He also lived in Siddarthanagar
It’s not surprising that you were so well known as we walked through the layout four times every day.
Now I have to go to the bakery, cafe and chai shop on my own.
When Manjula’s spirit moved on we had a lovely portrait painted of you both
I miss you both so much, hope you find each other, in your new lives. I’ll catch up with you eventually but in the meantime, I’ll now introduce you and share you both with even more people.
Friends from around the world are sending their love and sharing their memories.
Billet-Doux is still looking for you here and expects our walk last thing at night with the owl flitting above us
Missing you. Our life was ….
What a Wonderful family and friends we had. .
Until the next time
love
from us all and especially Sowbaghya, Billet-Doux, Kaveri, and Stephen.
October update.
We have our fair share of things we do … at Mysore Bed and Breakfast.
Here we commemorate MAnjula and help her spirit find its new body.
Support Kaveri in Manjula’s name and share her sunshine
Go cycling with our guests
Ask the goddess to make our ‘tools’ work for the next year
“There are some people who have sun inside them.
It’s hard to explain.
Their presence just brightens, it’s not about their beautiful smiles.
They have an internal being that sheds light and feels like sun.
It’s a calm energy. Inner peace.
But most importantly; it’s not wanting anything back in return.
It’s sun.”
— Unknown 🎀
As is this …..
We even invented a sun cake.
Poor Sowbaghya has to listen when Lucie has shown me the paw and Billet-Doux treats the place like a hotel.
Are they giving me a not-so-hidden message?
OK, I’ve bored her, explaining how (she knows) I read a lot, so have a broad knowledge (superficial) of many things.
That includes what to do about my current situation.
The problem is : we know stuff but do we act on it? We may have received the information but it’s not sunk in or led to the necessary change.
It’s as if I’m in an automatic Photo Booth that’s lead lined or surrounded by an (iron) curtain that stops the information getting through. I get it but not enough as it does not lead to action.
For example Kanchana gave me the ‘secret’ book and Tom has provided all sorts of positive insights—many others have helped— but it’s not led to the realisation of awareness and ‘action.’
You know the sort of stuff.
Well it began to fall into place this week. The timings right on the fourth anniversary of losing MAnjula
For more than four years there’s been a volcanic reaction, starting with the denial, then the acute shock of loss followed by the slow constant grinding down of grief.
Leading to anger and intolerance, to myself and others. it’s all so wrong… that negativeness is not what MAnjula (aka Full Full) and I are about.
It’s had its ups as well as downs and I’m generally quite robust (or so I thought) but the biggest challenge is the blame, the guilt, the what-ifs, wrapped up in depression. I have the overall feeling that I’ve let Manjula down and now I can’t do anything about it as she’s not physically with me anymore.
But I can …
learn to forgive myself, let the past be there, continue to celebrate MAnjula and as Louise says
“Life is really very simple. What we give out, we get back”
I really believe that but now need to act on it.
I remind Kaveri to ‘be kind’ and I need to listen and act on it myself and with myself
Hay’s book appeared in Manjula’s library, on the 23rd March, a gift from Rakesh
Farrell Factoid
Goes without saying, listening is an integral part of this process. This popped up today.
I first shared ‘why?, in a posting in 2015
I’ve just rediscovered and want to share a recording that Manjula made that year. It’s quite long but you’ll get the gist pretty quickly.
I’ve had difficulties uploading it so please follow the link to see the video, it’s one of the best
I share this gift from Manjula — as a follow up to Why? — as we approach what would have been her 49th birthday. On her birthday itself we hope to make a few other friends. Please check back to find out what happens.
In the meantime, if you’re interested, there’s more of our story here.
Smileys appear on our street.
I’m reminded of how I’d felt the need to protect my broken heart — like this one in a bottle — while looking around me at the images of my beautiful MAnjula which trigger happy joyful memories of our wonderful but short time together.
Tomorrow we’ll share a meal with MAnjula and a few close friends.
I have swam in it, swallowed it, fought it, opened my arms to it, shrivelled from it, tolerated it, hated it,.. It’s hit me like a personal tsunami, been wishy washy, sticky beyond treacle, invaded my brain to make it fuzzy and cracked open my tentative comfort zones. I know it’s a lifelong friend I have to accept it. It’s equal with and probably surpasses the combined effect of all the worse times in my life and for the first time uncovered real solid regrets.
It’s a gravy train that doesn’t bring benefits or maybe it does.
My heart was broken by losing Manjula, I covered it up and held it close but now I’m beginning to feel able to open my heart again. So there are positives to discover and learning to reveal.
I now love Manjula even more and in ways that I couldn’t imagine. I’m tentatively beginning to be kind to myself.
Part two of this series of postings is the heart
Thank you for your support during this horrendous journey.
I love you Manjula
It’s 58 minutes, with two minutes to go. The Englishman likes to be on time and a little early.
Tea is made and in my favourite ‘cranky old guys rule’ mug. Lucie’s medicines given, computer switched on, air bud things in my ear, matched to the comp Bluetooth, WiFi working ok. Check, quick splash of the face ooooh forgot my treat, a doughnut from SAPA bakery.
I’m sorted.
Redrafted structure of our story sent to Pam yesterday for discussion today.
We’re ready to roll.
Except woooooooooo I’m exactly one hour early the meeting is at 11.00 not 10.00!
Idiot.
I’ll now spend a few moments reflecting in the present. It’s a new thing I learned from Madam
Is this early onset of, you know A……., over excitement to dive into the ‘Labour of Love’ unlikely as I have to constantly deal with being taken over by ‘idle-ous-ness and lethargy’ combined (it’s in the air and not a new thing).
Or have I just lost it? Probably.
I’ll have to wait.
Doughnut now or later is my biggest current challenge.
