Kaveri and me

October 21, 2026 SFLeave a comment

We’re at one of our fave eateries this evening — Depth and Green— for a great mix of food, drink and experience.

We both had a lovely green smoothie — delicious, with humous and toast for her and sandwich with egg and cheese and veg for me.

A young woman (I wasn’t organised enough to take photos) walked over to introduce herself.

She’d been watching us and was so impressed with how we related , wanting to know something about us and our magic.

We recalled our first meeting in the park opposite my house in Siddartha layout. Kaveri had been visiting her grandmother who was night-watch woman at a construction site next to the park.

That was five years ago. Wow. It’s hard to believe.

It’s disputed but I recall her saying helloooooo as I crossed the park. She reckons I said hello first. Whatever.

…

I explained, to the young woman, that my wife MAnjula had died seven years ago. She wanted me to help others from a similar background to her. So I appealed for any suggestions for young people I could support. None came forward, until the fateful day I met Kaveri.

She was impressed how we’d created such a positive bond.

We acknowledged how people might misunderstand our situation (old man and young girl hanging out together) but it made her happy to meet us and realised what a positive caring relationship we had.

My role (and that of the other director) in supporting Kaveri is on behalf of our business ‘Manjula’s Mysore’ which has an agreement with her mother and active involvement of her grandmother and auntie.

Footnote

When people get to know my background :

Qualified social worker from over forty years ago.

Manager of social (welfare) services in U.K. including teams of social workers, assessors and carers

Experience working with children and families, intervening to support and protect children, in some senses a ‘policing’ role on behalf of the state.

Risk assessment of families, ensuring they’re supported when experiencing difficulties and intervening to ensure the children are safe

Assessing prospective adoptive parents

Delivering workshops and providing consultancy on values and ethics, guiding businesses to socially responsible (CSR)

Working with Hindu, African-Caribbean, Bangladeshi, Sikh, white working class and disabled people’s communities

Plus I’m supported by a network of childcare professionals and we’re operating on behalf of our company subject to the agreement it has with Kaveri’s mother.

… they realise this is a professional set up with Kaveri’s development and safety as our utmost priority.

So there’s much more to our Manjula’s Mysore’s involvement over the past five years.

In India, nothing is quite as it seems.

Our successful support of Kaveri involves money, skills and help-in-kind from our business and contributions from past guests from around the world. .

Manjula’s Mysore’s Corporate (CSR) Responsibility has now included: creativity days in schools and for forty visually disabled young women, gifting bicycles, teaching/presentations, memorial garden, cycle tours,, accommodation, ‘reflective space’ for young adults, our care for our community.

High

September 17, 2026September 19, 2026 SFLeave a comment

Out with Simon yesterday, he asked me how I was managing my grief, after MAnjula had passed to the other side. (Not his words).

We acknowledged grief never goes, is unique and changes, as we do.

Today’s reflection

A wonderful book. The little girl puts her heart in a bottle to protect it when she ‘loses’ someone she loves.

High

When you’re close to tears, remember
Someday it’ll all be over
One day we’re gonna get so high
Though it’s darker than December
What’s ahead is a different colour
One day we’re gonna get so high

And at the end of the day, remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we wonder how we made it through, and at
The end of the day, remember the way
We stayed so close ’til the end
We’ll remember it was me and you

‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love

Don’t you think it’s time you started
Doing what we always wanted?
One day we’re gonna get so high
‘Cause even the impossible
Is easy when we got each other
One day we’re gonna get so high

‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love

We’re gonna get so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high

So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high

So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high

…

A selection of memories

I’m paddling in the tunnel of love layered above me and through the grief gravy.

A mix of happy memories and sadness.

It’s part of life.

Stephen

Brahma Kamal

July 15, 2026 SFLeave a comment

The little one has disappeared.

Kaveri has just left for school

Others are keeping up the good work but — will they flower before I have to leave the country?

Grumpy old man

August 26, 2023August 26, 2023 SFLeave a comment

One of my first clients as a student social worker was an old man.

He was seriously grumpy

We would joke about where grumpiness came from.

Was it inherent in the person? Was it learned through experience? Did it arrive with old age?

I now know the answer.

It’s all three

The key factor though is we can choose to be grumpy or not.

I was more grumpy, especially over the past few years, now I’m a bit less.

and I’ve not got the T shirt.

Footnote

As I can’t stop talking, writing, wording….

One flavour of grumpy is anger and I realise it’s derived from being sad. Another is post trauma and the impact it has.

Visit Manjula’s library there’s lots to discover that might help.

Me, I’m still working on it.

Grief and grieving

August 1, 2023August 2, 2023 SFLeave a comment

I have to say something about this….. but I’m not ready to yet, beyond the following…

… I’ve just had helpful discussions with my sons. It’s critical to be heard.

Other friends have fedback that they’ve recently seen a real difference in me.

“Grief is not one thing, and it is not linear. It looks and feels different for everyone, and it can hit you at any point – even months or years after the fact.” From this article in the Guardian Newspaper.

In my view it keeps coming in waves.

The Guardian feature writer Emine Saner reports on the acceptance of grief as a medical condition

I don’t recognise this, but as I say — it’s different for everyone.

There is the risk of ‘pathologising” ie to ‘label’ things unhelpfully and somehow blame the individual.

But back to the first point, I believe grief after we lose someone is always with us, as I’ve said before it’s a new life-long-friend that we have to learn to live with for the rest of our lives.

We don’t get over it, yes it changes particularly through the process of grieving but it remains with us.

I say again .. we don’t ‘get over it’ and such statements can be at the very least unhelpful.

I understand however that there are some situations when the raw roughness of grief can be absolutely debilitating. At times it has been for me.

I have however valued the opportunity to share my feelings online and directly with friends. To celebrate Manjula and shout about her from the virtual treetops. That helped.

To reiterate … the bottom line is that this situation is unique for everyone and we all deal with it differently.

and … It never goes away.

More later.

Bhaj to share

September 2, 2022September 2, 2022 SFLeave a comment

In my new world I sometimes find myself in places or read things I wish I could share with Manjula Vellada

So I share with you.

I’m reading about ’Kabir’ in Incarnations by Sunil Khilnani . I quote from page 90 about Bhakti and Sufi movements that “both embraced the idea of a personal relationship with God. Priests or mullahs didn’t matter, precise ritual didn’t matter; caste didn’t mattter.” which remind me of the question she once raised with me: “if God is in everyone, why do we need Temples?”

That’s my thinking MAnjula and reflects our home — where caste wasn’t recognised and we were all equal.

Manjula’s Gift on her birthday

August 28, 2022July 11, 2023 SFLeave a comment

We celebrated Manjula’s birth anniversary, on the 21st August 2022 with a day crammed full of activity of cycling, games, music, storytelling, singing, drinks, cakes and cookies for the forty visually impaired young women who live at Divya Jyothi Charitable Trust.

Our day was a rich mix of sounds and fun: laughter, singing, clapping, some hesitancy — then enthusiasm, excitement, care, trust and beaming smiles.

Our video of the event.

Organised by Manjula’s Mysore with our partners: Mysore Storytellers Network, Vishnu Sharma Company, in memory of Manjula.

The young women especially liked the game ‘What’s in the box’ identifying objects through touch and smell, organised by Gauri Nadig. Then we all shared songs with Poornima singing and Vishnu Sharma playing guitar, Sridevi teaching songs, accompanied by Sarvesh on his Cajon clap box

Shahana told stories

Aditya Swarup and his group filled the room with unusual music by playing singing bowl, Handpan drum, Didgeridoo, and tweeting clay bird

Cycling was a big hit with Tusharr and Megha, volunteers from MyCycle tours giving rides on a tandem (cycle for two people). For all the blind women this was their first time on a bicycle. LINK

Sowbaghya and staff from the centre looked after us all day. Satish presented Manjula’s Mysore and Sarvesh was event organiser.

Stephen, Manjula’s husband, smiled throughout and enjoyed it all.

We ended the day with cookies and cake, after listening to Manjula sharing her own stories from recordings made in the last years of her life. “Hearing Manjula speak.” “Learning about Manjula.” “Finding out she was like us.” “Her love story” were some of the comments we overheard from the young women.

We all learned a lot from our day together. We found out about and better understand, what life is like for young women who are visually impaired. Realising how resilient they are to face their daily challenges. The confidence and trust they quickly develop to get the most out of a situation. Their positive joyful attitude from which we can all benefit.

This was also a celebration of Manjula who would have been 49 on the day. This strong woman created Mysore Bed and Breakfast and is now known throughout the world for welcoming international tourists to Mysore until her untimely death three years ago.

…

Our thanks to each of our partners and the support of local bakers SAPA and Aroma.

Observations from behind the scenes.

“We could tell they loved taking part.”

“There was a buzz throughout the day amongst the young women and our team of organisers and entertainers.”

“Waves of smiles and chatter passed through group who sat crosslegged on the mat as each entertainer began”

“The enthusiasm hit the roof with the games and sing-a-long.”

“Once they felt comfortable and confident. They oohed and aahed with beaming smiles on their faces as we cycled around the area.”

…

Manjula’s Mysore will continues to do good, reflecting Manjula’s kindness, through partnerships of NGOs, business and with our team of community volunteers.

Manjula seized the opportunity to set up Mysore Bed and Breakfast with an English guy Stephen and they fell in love. On getting engaged it was her wish to give gifts to people rather than receive them herself. Kindness from the very beginning.They began by gifting bicycles to organisation working in the community a total which has now almost reached 50.

Her business has now evolved to become “Manjula’s Mysore’ providing accommodation to tourists through Mysore Bed and Breakfast and MyCycle tours, which has been available for the past ten years. But now with the added extra of working with young people, to help them grow, develop and thrive.

Durdle Dor in Dorset England

August 5, 2022August 16, 2022 SFLeave a comment

A wonderful place to visit in south of England.

I’ve been here before with ‘you know who’.

This time it’s not raining

There are always one or two other people but not on the scale of India

While sitting in a cave reminding me of my teenage trip Crete and Joni Mitchell but it’s the family camping visit here to commemorate my eldest son’s wedding and my 60th birthday and with my beautiful wife-to-be makes me happiest.

It was our second big trip together in the U.K.

Baby Dor

above all adding to my magical memories of time spent with my MAnjula

Making different connections

July 12, 2022July 13, 2022 SFLeave a comment

Great things happen unexpectedly, just when you need them.

I’d just finished packing my bags, here in Vancouver, ready for the flight back to London, when Sharon — a friend of my son Oliver — came calling to say farewell.

What a wonderful surprise.

To be able to have an open conversation of the trials and tribulations of dealing with our lifelong unwanted friend yes….. grief

No one can ever know what it’s like for another but we’ve come pretty close.

It isn’t about ‘getting over it’ … both of us remember and celebrate — not only in our hearts — but also the physical reminders, the photos, the wonderfulness and the flotsam of souls grown together. We have both kept our original house and are surrounded by the loved one we fondly remember, deal with the difficult times, but also continue to laugh together.