Category: Stephen’s Story

Message from India twenty years ago

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Stephen Farrell <sfindia@googlemail.com>
11/02/2007

As I approach my 70th birthday at the end of the year — OK there’s a few months to go — I’ve stumbled across an email I sent in February (11th of Feb) 2007

I thought to share it. ..

Hello,
its my last full day here in India. For those of you who are used to receiving my India Emails you’ll be astonished that you haven’t received the usual gattling-gun of Email missives.

I’m certain you’re all relieved.

There’s no one reason for this.

It’s been a different trip in many ways. My 5th in three years. In some ways its been more reflective in other ways less so.

Now I’m at the keyboard I realise that I’ve missed these times. They provide an opportunity to escape the hurly burly of India life. Those of you who have been here: such as Esther, Annika and Brian (yes you’re last as always) will know exactly what I mean.

The Indian experience is full on and sometimes one just needs to be able to switch it off.

The times at the computer are also valuable opportunities to reflect.

I mentioned in my last Email that there are ‘stories to follow’. There’s the:
– taxi ride,
– the wedding in Hampi,

– there’s the idiot on the bicycle story
– there’s the top tips about managing a trip to India, for those who have been here what are your top tips?
– there’s ‘real english’ why did that doctor ask if I was real english? was he a real doctor?
– the wonderful people I’ve met
selling crafts at the Mumbai festival
– tasks this time have included ordering jewellery (ear rings received OK Ray and Annie? )
– every minute, every experience however small is its own story and brings new insights into this wonderful place, there are just so many,

And the biggy… 😉 .Helping Gina to understand why I continue to come back to this nutty, fruitcake, happy, egalitarian, hierarchical, sensitive, smiling, chaotic, aged, spiritual, ageless, irritating, sad, mind blowing, noisy, ancient, smelly, colourful, modern, musical, flowing, serendipitous, confusing, post modern, contradictory, life enhancing, bore creating place……

But you lucky folks aren’t going to get those stories here via Email. Now in my 51st year I’ve promised myself to see my friends even MORE so you’ll get the stories first hand, I look forward to seeing you and also hearing your stories.

Liz has been with me for most of this trip. That has been very good.. Its been great to share our experiences. A real success and for both of us, I’m sure, a relief. (but she’s not satisfied with having bought up Goa so she’s sending me texts asking me to buy things she’s forgotten!) Thanks Liz.

At my party I mentioned that there were three things that were particularly important to me on reaching 50, looking back and anticipating the future. I then unusally went all coy and didn’t share them.

Image from my 50th birthday party invitation

One of them was my family. How proud I am of our boys, Ben and Ols. Two wonderful sensitive, caring, funny and very together, great guys. I’m also so pleased that Liz and myself have avoided some of the difficulties our friends have experienced and we have maintained a healthy relationship and I hope will always be close.

But before I go.

A key issue is, for those of you who don’t know. I’ve decided to leave Business in the Community. I have a number of offers on the table.

My challenge is to work out what it is i really want, I know, I know.. its the holy grail of life , and if it wasn’t the great imponderable, how the hell would all the gurus, sell their books, courses and ashram holidays. And of course, importantly work out how I can spend more time each year in India AND at the same time keep up with my wonderful friends. so watch this space

love from

Stephen

xxx

As I reread this now, I can confirm I’m still besotted with the place.

There are some family changes I wish hadn’t happened but we’ll see. In terms of India, there’s been lots more adventures and more to come. They’re peppered within these pages.

Most of all I met my very own sunshine who will remain with me forever.

I have significant challenges in remaining here. It is worth it. I love the place and its people but it never stops being so bloody unpredictable and annoying.

Signs

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Losing (of course— we don’t lose them and they’re with us always) a loved one opens our minds to all sorts of possibilities.

On my grief journey. I’ve had some surprises.

Manjula, as a Hindu, believed in reincarnation. I supported her and completed the rituals to help her spirit find its new body.

I’ve read many books and gained support in trying to understand what might happen after death. But …

After watching this Netflix documentary I complained to Manjula that I’d not seen or heard a sign. Maybe I’d missed it.

The very next day, I was standing, with a friend, on the rug in the centre of the downstairs lounge at our old house.

A dragonfly (acknowledged as a potential messenger from the ‘other side’) flew in.

It tightly circled the two of us — one — two — three times as we stood in the centre of the room. It then landed on the ‘M’ (on Manjula’s pennant) on the wall nearby.

The dragonfly
The pennants bought on a holiday in the U.K.

I opened the doors and windows and encouraged (arms flapping) the dragonfly to leave the house.

The next morning Sowbhagya found the dead dragonfly on the wooden cabinet, underneath the framed photo of MAnjula where we hang flowers and lights in her memory.

I’d failed to get it to leave.

…

This year we’ve moved to a new house. It’s extra challenging as the previous house is the one MAnjula and I had shared for nine years.

Most of the furniture had gone and so this was one of the last removal trips.

As I walked across the room there was a crunch underfoot.

It was the cow head that had been hanging between the two pennants. It had fallen on the floor and I’d broken it again as I stepped on it.

I looked up to the place it had fallen from. The two pennants were completely reversed and facing the wall.

How is that possible?

…

Seems like an acknowledgement, a message, a sign to me. Who knows?

…

I generally have an open attitude. A belief that anything is possible. Life is complex, much of which we don’t understand and there are layer upon layer to discover.

Clearly. I’m open to the signs.

Thank you MAnjula.

Maybe Billet-Doux was one too.

Welcome to our new home

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and another chapter for our family community.

Complete with Mangoes.

We’ve been here a week.

and visited Depth and Green

Nearly everyday. My fave drink is Beetroot, ginger lemonade and we all like the veggie burger, pasta, pizza and apple pie! When they’re available.

But very sorry to let Gingee go …

Two young dogs had proven too much.

And Kaveri set out on a ‘new foot’ with a bath for Lucca

Breakfast is ready.

We’re on a slow start with Kurt and Loe returning to visit from Belgium (with a third member of family) our very first guests.

Last evening we even had games night.

Thanks for helping relaunch us.

…

Manjula and Lucie in their varied forms are beginning to settle into their new home. Dragonfly and pennants are already here with a dramatic new episode to their story.

More later.

Mysore Moments.

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I find myself in interesting situations.

That’s the nature of India.

Meeting women from famous families, telling stories at events, Hindu/Muslim mixed marriages, life is a rich mix of experiences!

Especially at the moment with our annual event

Sophisticated Kaveri with her mum Chandrika.

Attending Kaveri’s Dad’s (he’s deceased) nephews Muslim wedding. Kaveri is Hindu.

Hiding bride
Crooner
It’s the groom!
Not easy — riding away
Great mix of headwear. Fun spotting the many different styles of clothing
Mysuru Experience

I shared a love story but got no photos.

Illuminations for Dasra , more to follow
New friend.

Awards Ceremony for Asha my yoga teacher.

…

I missed taking photos of the women.

Daughter of a Kannada novelist known as Triveni and sister of the founder of a change-making low cost airline.

Woodberry Wetlands

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A great discovery close to where I’m staying on Harringay Green Lanes

A short (ish) 30 minute walk —— (the full loop will reopen in Feb 2026) from Harringay Green Lanes overground or as I’ve now discovered an even shorter walk (10 minutes) from Manor House Underground station —- gets you to the wetlands and their great cafe.

I’ve visited almost everyday of my recent visit for their sourdough melted cheese sandwich and make friends with the wildlife.

I’ve marvelled at the birds, especially the family of swans with their rapidly growing seven dusky grey cygnets

I’ve met a lovely mix of people here, including the wonderful hosts.

An added treat this week was ….

A final farewell.

Another friend demanded to be included

A pigeon with a penchant for melted cheese.

No way Jose can you have the ginger beer.

I’m desperate Dan

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I seriously shouldn’t bother the busy MP with my issues. I’m not even a citizen. But I am close to desperate and it’s stressful!

So I give it a go.

… here’s a bit more of why?

Another great experience of India.

My 10.30am docs appointment hadn’t begun by 11.10 so I legged it to go see the Maharaja (he’s also the MP and I’d had a message inviting me just this morning) for 11.30

Of course it wasn’t exactly a timed appointment. It isn’t with a doc so it’s hardly likely to be with Royalty — now, is it?

We’re gathered in the outer office.

Groups and the odd individual — yes I’m the oddest — waiting to see the boss.

After 90 minutes he actually stops seeing visitors in the office and comes out, for it to become an orderly-free-for-all, we take it in turns to plead our case.

He agrees to write a letter to central govt.

Barat and I go post it.

More interesting insights into a Mysore Palace

Stephana Farrella

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I’m in an absolutely amazing institution.

It’s my week to be tested and my friendly neurologist in addition to the many tests she’s imposed, has suggested I get my hearing tested.

But of course whilst I’ve complemented the staff here on doing sterling jobs, it’s efficient and easy-going.

A challenge to create and maintain especially in a large institution of any kind.

I still can’t resist taking the piss.

Remember I’m here for a hearing test.

I’m in a waiting room at the audiology clinic at the institution.

Look at the photo.

We’re maybe 200 metres from the entrance door.

I’ve spent a week dropping drops in my ear and fresh from the ENT physician with a nifty, teeny vacuum cleaner to suck out the wax

Yes I’m in the audiology block waiting to have my hearing tested— that’s assuming I can hear security yelling out my name from the door 200 metres away .

This couldn’t be made up. It’s like a comedy skit.

So, precisely on time, the rain has started with its heavy patter on the ( temporary plastic) roof.

Yes the ‘hard of hearing’ might have a challenge to hear their name called out for the HEARING test.

But let’s be fair. In India everyone turning up at a clinic will have at least one member of the family with them to help out.

So I hope that when they call out the name for the lonely old Firangi (foreigner) to go for his test, they’ll put extra effort in to ensure he can hear it.

Maybe they’ll call

Stephana Farrella

But that for another time as it’s part of one of Manjula’s tales.

—

How come exactly one week ago I walked straight in to the doc, this week there’s tons of people.

BUT do not let my stupid desire to have a joke at everything camouflage the fact that it’s a great place and the staff who include students from Kerala and other states do a fantastic job.

It involves a lot of testing and not just the outer ear.

Well done team.

You’re a real credit.

Searching for Security and finding art

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Many know that I’ve been looking to be a student or volunteer to pursue my interests, make a contribution and to continue to live in my adopted country.

I’ve made innumerable contacts with education institutes but options were few as I couldn’t do the PhD I wanted to (due to my masters) and the idea of another and full time masters felt too much.

My first interest was to pursue an art course. We’ve also organised wonderful creativity days at Kaliyuvamane and the NGO for visually impaired young women.

It’s one of those things I’d failed to do and always held an interest.

Currently Kaveri and I dabble a bit

But look what I found.

Hidden away —

—just up the road from a Stupa here in Mysore

An art college

The principal and his daughter.

More details here

I’m due on a holiday to the U.K.

I’ll revisit when I get back home and see if it’s feasible to do a course there and get a student visa.

As madam would say: ‘let’s see’

More later on the volunteering possibilities.