Key Stage: behind the scenes

I’ve had a bit of a wobble over the past few days. (Nothing surprising there, at the best of times).

With the invaluable and repeated help of Tom and Ann and of course my support hammock of friends (including Amy, Sue, Dave and you) around the world. I’ve reached a certain stage.

Clap of Thunder just came to Mysore nicely timed to emphasise.

I know it’s not absolute and there maybe some wavering or even three steps back in the board game of life.

Fact is I’ve been haunted by that final instruction to the Doctors to ‘let her go’ and not resuscitate Manjula after her second heart attack.

There is no way of knowing, there is no ‘best’ or ‘if only’. I did what I could do in the circumstances, in line with Manjula’s wishes to stop any further suffering, there was no choice really. She was very poorly, lost a lot of weight and was unable to fight anymore.

Intellectually that’s it, no argument, sort of accepted. Emotionally I continue to bounce around on the roller coaster.

Thank you for your support in this impossible situation.

3 thoughts on “Key Stage: behind the scenes

  1. I am not at all surprised about the wobble, you wouldn’t be human if that didn’t happen and I think it often happens after the immediate ceremonies etc. have happened. Inevitably you will go over and over that last decision, we all would, but you know it was the kindest and most merciful thing that you could do for her. A last act of love. Thinking of you during this terrible time Jill

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    • Thanks Jill, that support is also very helpful. I’m back in the UK this weekend and will be away for about 6 weeks with a trip to Vancouver. S x

    • Fact is there is a fucking wobble every single day. Today. All the treatments made no friggin difference. I should have got her to specialists in the U.K.

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