Kaveri and me

October 21, 2026 SFLeave a comment

We’re at one of our fave eateries this evening — Depth and Green— for a great mix of food, drink and experience.

We both had a lovely green smoothie — delicious, with humous and toast for her and sandwich with egg and cheese and veg for me.

A young woman (I wasn’t organised enough to take photos) walked over to introduce herself.

She’d been watching us and was so impressed with how we related , wanting to know something about us and our magic.

We recalled our first meeting in the park opposite my house in Siddartha layout. Kaveri had been visiting her grandmother who was night-watch woman at a construction site next to the park.

That was five years ago. Wow. It’s hard to believe.

It’s disputed but I recall her saying helloooooo as I crossed the park. She reckons I said hello first. Whatever.

…

I explained, to the young woman, that my wife MAnjula had died seven years ago. She wanted me to help others from a similar background to her. So I appealed for any suggestions for young people I could support. None came forward, until the fateful day I met Kaveri.

She was impressed how we’d created such a positive bond.

We acknowledged how people might misunderstand our situation (old man and young girl hanging out together) but it made her happy to meet us and realised what a positive caring relationship we had.

My role (and that of the other director) in supporting Kaveri is on behalf of our business ‘Manjula’s Mysore’ which has an agreement with her mother and active involvement of her grandmother and auntie.

Footnote

When people get to know my background :

Qualified social worker from over forty years ago.

Manager of social (welfare) services in U.K. including teams of social workers, assessors and carers

Experience working with children and families, intervening to support and protect children, in some senses a ‘policing’ role on behalf of the state.

Risk assessment of families, ensuring they’re supported when experiencing difficulties and intervening to ensure the children are safe

Assessing prospective adoptive parents

Delivering workshops and providing consultancy on values and ethics, guiding businesses to socially responsible (CSR)

Working with Hindu, African-Caribbean, Bangladeshi, Sikh, white working class and disabled people’s communities

Plus I’m supported by a network of childcare professionals and we’re operating on behalf of our company subject to the agreement it has with Kaveri’s mother.

… they realise this is a professional set up with Kaveri’s development and safety as our utmost priority.

So there’s much more to our Manjula’s Mysore’s involvement over the past five years.

In India, nothing is quite as it seems.

Our successful support of Kaveri involves money, skills and help-in-kind from our business and contributions from past guests from around the world. .

Manjula’s Mysore’s Corporate (CSR) Responsibility has now included: creativity days in schools and for forty visually disabled young women, gifting bicycles, teaching/presentations, memorial garden, cycle tours,, accommodation, ‘reflective space’ for young adults, our care for our community.

High

September 17, 2026September 19, 2026 SFLeave a comment

Out with Simon yesterday, he asked me how I was managing my grief, after MAnjula had passed to the other side. (Not his words).

We acknowledged grief never goes, is unique and changes, as we do.

Today’s reflection

A wonderful book. The little girl puts her heart in a bottle to protect it when she ‘loses’ someone she loves.

High

When you’re close to tears, remember
Someday it’ll all be over
One day we’re gonna get so high
Though it’s darker than December
What’s ahead is a different colour
One day we’re gonna get so high

And at the end of the day, remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we wonder how we made it through, and at
The end of the day, remember the way
We stayed so close ’til the end
We’ll remember it was me and you

‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love

Don’t you think it’s time you started
Doing what we always wanted?
One day we’re gonna get so high
‘Cause even the impossible
Is easy when we got each other
One day we’re gonna get so high

‘Cause we are gonna be
Forever, you and me
You will always keep me
Flying high in the sky of love

We’re gonna get so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high, so high
So high, so high

So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high

So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high, so high
So high, so high

…

A selection of memories

I’m paddling in the tunnel of love layered above me and through the grief gravy.

A mix of happy memories and sadness.

It’s part of life.

Stephen

A park that MAnjula and I loved.

June 25, 2026 SFLeave a comment

We’d be ‘young’ lovers here walking, resting, being attentive and present for each other.

It’s now a short cycle ride from no 179

Here, I’m just opposite what might have been the first all India radio broadcaster.

These pics do not show the park at its best but I’m resting!

Who’s the very young guy who dive bombed my photo?

I’m not old, right? Or so I keep getting told by those who care.

Kaveri and the women in her family.

June 11, 2026 SFLeave a comment

I had the pleasure of meeting Kaveri from school and spending some time with the women of the family.

…

Kaveri and I first visited the new babe.

His mum Radhika (her auntie) Kaveri and I have spent much time together over the past few years, especially in school summer holidays when they’d go to swimming lessons, stay with me and we’d have vacations in Kannur and Wayanad.

The little one, entertained by Kaveri and Radhika.

Grandmother is forever avoiding my camera.

Next I visited Chandrika’s (Kaveri’s mum’s) new home for dinner

I had a lovely catch up with Kaveri and Chandrika drawing the neighbourhood kids in to say hello

I reminded them of the agreement Chandrika and I (on behalf of the business, with the invaluable help of Sarvesh) had for us to support Kaveri and work with Chandrika to help Kaveri do the best she can be

I used the opportunity (hobby horse —soap box) to emphasise we should help Kaveri to be strong, a good communicator, and be kind. This was more important than stuffing her full of facts, in order to pass exams.

Kaveri was the full on interpreter.

We needed to encourage, support, even put pressure on Kaveri — who can be a bit lazy— to do better

Just before I left Chandrika, Kaveri and I went back to bring all the girls together again.

I explained that my current meetings with advocates were to enable me to stay in India My priority being continue to support Kaveri for ten years into adulthood.

I am so proud of Kaveri, MAnjula is sooooo pleased.

An adventure

May 25, 2026 SFLeave a comment

The three musketeers went into the city to negotiate for a new piece of art we’d seen the day before

Their mission was to get a good discount on the asking price

They were a great success🙂

The winning Musketeers are Kaveri with her two new friends: Naimishambha and Pragathi, lovely, confident girls.. daughters of Deepak who works with our friend Florian.

They’re seen here with Maïlis, Sowbhagya and Stephen

It’s got pride of place in our new lounge, highlighting Manjula with her pals Lucie and Ganesh

Pitru Paksha arrives

September 21, 2025September 21, 2025 SFLeave a comment

The team puts it all together….

Photos and flowers all lined up …

Manjula’s image complete with Mangal Sutra (wedding necklace) and anklet,

Favourite sweets, jewels, nuts, crunchie, alcohol (shh), clothing, fruits,

Biscuits for Lucie (the shop insisted sugarless is best, let’s not get into the detail that it’s for her spirit), Momo for Ina (her favourite, she has great Tibetan links)

All make their appearance …

But where’s lunch?

Sowbaghya has cooked it, Satish, serves it out. It’ll not be for the crows (sometimes food is placed on the roof or beside the river for the crows to eat ) as they represent the soul of the ‘departed’.

Time for the idler to get dressed in his wedding outfit.

We help their spirits on their journey to whatever’s next.

We then leave the house for their spirits to visit, eat and drink, making lots of noise, as we return, so they know to leave and not get caught out.

I’ve told MAnjula we’re moving to a new house. She’ll be with us.

Factoid

It’s now over six years that Manjula continued her spiritual journey. Each year on her birthday and death anniversary we do puja to help her on her way.

From this year we’ve decided to honour all our departed family members on Pitra Paksha, when everyone does the same.

We approach Manjula’s birthday

August 4, 2025August 4, 2025 SFLeave a comment

In August Manjula would have been 52.

We have traditions in the U.K. to commemorate and recognise significant people’s contribution by installing a blue plaque on the house where they lived

Like this one ….

So we just had to get one for MAnjula

Sarvesh, and Stephen the Directors of Manjula’s Mysore with Kaveri who we sponsor and support.

MAnjula remains in our home in Mysore in so many ways, this seemed like a fitting tribute to our precious …

Kaveri and her mum Chandrika unveiling Manjula’s blue plaque (again)

Kaveri and Sowbaghya reveal our lovely new plaque, witnessed by Akram

In recognition of her tolerance of the Yindian and her sharing her love through her beauty, infectious smile and attentive presence.

We love and miss you MAnjula. You’re here in our hearts and guide us in everything we do.

Manjula was our sunshine and a …

With Teeny feet

We’ll do more to remember her on her happy birthday.

Revealing

July 10, 2025July 10, 2025 SFLeave a comment

What an interesting couple.

Part two with Julia and Tom

Not only cyclists but tri-athletes— so serious that they do ‘iron-man’ , quick cycles ( 40k!) and runs in the morning — It tired me out just hearing about it.

After their looooong cycle ride across Asia and Europe peddled back to England found a new place in Yorkshire.

They’ve created a lovely home in their Sheffield terrace almost identical to the house Tricia and I shared with her cousin and boyfriend (bit of a squeeze). In the mid 70s

Then they kindly tidied me up a bit

Plus

They reflect something that MAnjula taught me. For a successful sustainable living relationship, to be present and attentive

Spot on.

Thanks guys for a great visit and my sorely needed trim.

Remembering MAnjula

May 9, 2025 SFLeave a comment

The house hosts her presence in every room (and outside).

Sowbaghya and I have kept the Bed and Breakfast as she envisioned it and even have a library named after her.

Our guests love meeting her. she even gets mentioned in our guest book

images of MAnjula and Lucie decorating the fan switch!!

At least once a year I bring out this image in memory of my beautiful MAnjula. It’s just for a few days. I started by cycling her around Mysore, at other times she’ll be in the memorial garden we created for her in the park or resting in our drive. Otherwise she’s stored in the Garage.

Unfortunately, you can’t please all the people all time. Some people you never can.

My insensitive neighbour complained that the image of MAnjula was outside and should be indoors. It’s a Hindu rule. I know there’s no such rule or if there is it’s often not followed. People remember their loved ones with posters around the streets or images in the newspaper.

He represents the brahminical elitism that can sometimes rear its ugly head (read your ‘games people play’). He’s even complained about the boys and girls sitting on the park benches that I’ve installed. It’s as if the Firangi (foreigner) is responsible for people’s behaviour. His prejudices are mildly entertaining but we generally ignore him.

As AI tells us on the internet

The saying “Guest is God” (Atithi Devo Bhava in Sanskrit) is a core principle in Indian culture, emphasizing the importance of hospitality and treating guests with respect. While the saying is rooted in tradition and spiritual significance, the reality is that it’s not always a practical or realistic expectation, especially in modern life.

You could say that ….

Love

April 13, 2025 SFLeave a comment

Marginalian

Comes up trumps again with great literary, political and philosophical connections.

I like her quote from Simone de Beauvoir

What then is love? Not much, not much; I come back to this idea. Sensitivity, imagination, fatigue, and this effort to depend on another; the taste for the mystery of the other and the need to admire… What is worthwhile, is friendship… this profound mutual confidence between [two people], and this joy of knowing that the other exists.

“The ancient Greeks, in their pioneering effort to order the chaos of the cosmos, neatly taxonomized them into filial love (the kind we feel for siblings, children, parents, and friends), eros (the love of lovers), and agape(the deepest, purest, most impersonal and spiritual love).”