I’ve been on a rollercoaster.

Well I haven’t really. I’m too small and too young but I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of what it might be like.

It’s been exhilarating, my stomachs been filled, gone up as if into my mouth then rushed back down again. Whoops, and I’ve let it out.

I’ve been overawed, never quite knowing what to expect, given new experiences, found new things. Been warm and comfortable, cold and shocked. I’ve sometimes left a mess, I’m sorry!

Its been confusing and I sometimes wish I’d never been on the journey. I’ve felt awful, wanted, not wanted, sick, with the runs, full stomach, empty stomach, coughing fits, difficulty breathing, tears in my runny eyes, wishing it was over. Sometimes all alone and others feeling part of my family.

Hang on, hang on…. what is this? there’s a whoosh of water that fair takes my breath away. Didn’t expect that and could have done without it. Baths are overrated.

The rollercoaster has this amazing carriage. My aerial transporter my very own time travelling Tardis. I’ve seen places I wouldn’t have imagined. Its fun together.

Yes, I’ve been some strange places with odd people, had things stuck up my bum, had needles in my thin spindly legs, had endless concoctions squirted in my mouth.

It’s been a bit hectic and intense.

Sometimes I’m ecstatic, in love with the newness, the hugs the cuddles, our time together.

Sometimes in the middle of it all I just want it to end.

Sometimes I just wish my big-new-friend, the BNF would have left me there, on the pavement by the chai shop. It was maybe a little dull but it had its traumas too, but no….. On reflection I realise, what’s good, My new life is fun, I don’t want it to change, I like my new life. Just without the illness, please.

I’m maybe just not quite sure about that BIG black thing: Lucie.

our time together, me and the BNF has been short but really special, not easy but full of kindness, I know it’s important we make the best of what we have. I know I am loved and cherished and that’s right for me.

Ruby Too

……

The BNF in a fitful sleep was woken by an unusual cry at 3.35 am was that Ruby? BNF rushed downstairs, took her in his arms and finally with an unmistakable rattle at 3.45 Ruby 2, too and tue passed away.

I wish I could have done more.

Stephen