Poor Sowbaghya has to listen when Lucie has shown me the paw and Billet-Doux treats the place like a hotel.
Are they giving me a not-so-hidden message?
OK, I’ve bored her, explaining how (she knows) I read a lot, so have a broad knowledge (superficial) of many things.
That includes what to do about my current situation.
The problem is : we know stuff but do we act on it? We may have received the information but it’s not sunk in or led to the necessary change.
It’s as if I’m in an automatic Photo Booth that’s lead lined or surrounded by an (iron) curtain that stops the information getting through. I get it but not enough as it does not lead to action.
For example Kanchana gave me the ‘secret’ book and Tom has provided all sorts of positive insights—many others have helped— but it’s not led to the realisation of awareness and ‘action.’
You know the sort of stuff.
Well it began to fall into place this week. The timings right on the fourth anniversary of losing MAnjula
For more than four years there’s been a volcanic reaction, starting with the denial, then the acute shock of loss followed by the slow constant grinding down of grief.
Leading to anger and intolerance, to myself and others. it’s all so wrong… that negativeness is not what MAnjula (aka Full Full) and I are about.
It’s had its ups as well as downs and I’m generally quite robust (or so I thought) but the biggest challenge is the blame, the guilt, the what-ifs, wrapped up in depression. I have the overall feeling that I’ve let Manjula down and now I can’t do anything about it as she’s not physically with me anymore.
But I can …
learn to forgive myself, let the past be there, continue to celebrate MAnjula and as Louise says
“Life is really very simple. What we give out, we get back”
I really believe that but now need to act on it.
I remind Kaveri to ‘be kind’ and I need to listen and act on it myself and with myself
Hay’s book appeared in Manjula’s library, on the 23rd March, a gift from Rakesh
Goes without saying, listening is an integral part of this process. This popped up today.
2 thoughts on “Getting it”
Thoughtful and thought-provoking as ever Stephen. As for the going-around and coming-around of life, I’ve recently had a french friend staying with me for a few days (ostensibly to improve his english) and it put me in mind of how much I enjoyed your visit. Living with, cooking for and getting drunk with others from strange, foreign countries – like Yorkshire – is a great way of keeping one’s own petty problems in perspective and of finding one’s true place in the world. You’re the right person, in the right place, doing the right thing, right now…except when you come to Womad in a few months, where I look forward to seeing you again! Jony x
Thanks Jony, lovely feedback. Should be back early July, trying to fit in Ruth’s event in Frome!? And WOMAD looking forward to our catch up. S