Thank you! Prajwal, Kainath, Sachin and Faizan of Royal Mysore Walks (aka Gully Tours) for bringing breakfast to share.
Lovely thought, great conversation, special people.
Tag: Mysore
Peachy
Manjula fell in love with peaches during our two extended holidays in the U.K.
She couldn’t get enough them but unfortunately they are unavailable in Mysore. So the Super Troopers Tom and Amy brought some from the UK. Her face lit up and she wolfed them down. That is, except the tinned peaches!
So what to do with them?
Well we walked up Chamundi Hill. Chamundeshwari who lives on the hill being Manjula’s No 1 God.
Carefully opened the Sainsbury’s can …..
And celebrated Manjula in the setting sun.
My life, my key, my saviour
Absolutely nothing ever goes to plan or as expected.
The 11th day, of Pooja for Manjula is now the day after the one originally planned, so unfortunately non of our Indian friends are able to come. The appropriate date is calculated by some mystic, the stars or pure whim, who knows? The event organised by Manjulas brother and family will be in a village with no one that we really know. It doesn’t really matter. But…. Non of us will speak Kannada or have any idea whats going on. Then there’s the whole issue of me bringing her mangal sutra and ankle chains and getting them back to take home. So there’s a few things to understand and manage.
That’s today’s first challenge.
Then there was….
the Merry-go-round of trying to collect Manjula’s body from the hospital,
..or the case of the missing engagement ring and wedding sari.
It’s one thing after another.
It’s becoming more and more apparent that Manjula has been my golden key to help open the lock of India she’s enabled me to relatively easily surf the uncertain waters, the buffering of the white water. That’s now gone.
India well and truly takes you out of your comfort zone and then pushes you out a bit further and a bit further and further still into unchartered waters.
She was also my life life saver in so many ways.
But of course, she’s still with me.
Celebrating Manjula
Thank you for your condolences and the lovely memories of Manjula that I’ve received from around the world. It’s been a great support and shows how many connections Manjula made. We now know that many of you have very fond and we’re not surprised of the sometimes funny stories about Manjula. It’s given us a great idea, to create a scrapbook of reminiscences and images, they might be anecdotes, insights into her character, simple little stories, a particular photo you love or may be you can draw a picture, write a poem or create some art work.
Whatever you think represents Manjula for you.
Send yours preferably by Friday of this week via Email, <tours@mycycle.co> or by messenger, post or pigeon. Don’t worry, it doesn’t need to be slick and polished
We’ll then create an actual book and a virtual version for you to read online.
Love from
Stephen and Luci
Swop?
I can understand how some people might wish to swop places with their loved one who has died or been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
I could do that, no doubt.
But it misses one of the many points.
There would still be the grief, the loneliness, confusion of being only one part of the whole.
And how would it work? I would take on Manjula’s illness she would have all our money, material goods (she’d definitely demand the washing machine) the house, Lucy. No sweat. But it’s no solution. We’d still be apart. Maybe we could go for a hybrid two halves as one.
No I’m not going bonkers this is how my mind ordinarily ‘works’.
If it was just a case of a straight swop. I’d worry that even though Manjula can be strong as a rock, gentle as the waves, she actually comes from a very poor background and in this extremely layered patriarchal society it will always be a challenge for a woman on her own.
Until of course it really changes.
Manjula …. Taking back control
The idiots in the British Government at the head of the Conservative party seem to have completely lost it, and not just in terms of Brexit
On the other hand …. it’s quite another matter for a woman in Mysore ……
Her main purpose in our nine years together was to invite people to share her home and to connect. In those years she’d done everything to create a beautiful, clean, comfortable open welcoming home. Not just the cleaning, cooking, preparing rooms for the guests, managing the staff, coordinating transport and the garden and above all create that warm, welcoming atmosphere that something in the air.
That useless lump of a husband by contrast was only the booking clerk. She so loved pointing that out!
Of this achievement she was rightly proud. This week we’ve received hundreds of messages from around the world, a testament to how she’s drawn people close to her, connected with them and left behind a piece of her.
This last season, as she lost so much weight and at times became poorly, she would often reflect with me that now that she could do none of what she did over the years. It wasn’t true of course, after talking it through she’d agree that the most important the meeting, greeting and chatting, connecting with people was still very much her role and what she’d love doing. It’s the main reason why we were open over this last season. It was what kept her going.
Recorded on 12th March
She very much kept control, she had a network, fetching and carrying, the fruit and veg for breakfasts delivered by the shop, the gardener dropping in her own Breakfast, Sudha bringing home cooked food every day, organising transport, managing the staff, I’d even jokingly bought her a bell to use when she wanted me but the innovator, the strong woman that she was would just have to ring my phone and pavlov’s dog would come running.
I’d joke that it wasn’t like this before we got married.
But there’s another less comfortable aspect of her taking control.
I think she’d had enough and knew it was time to go.
She was fed up of the uncertainty, the to and fro from the different doctors and clinics, the loss of weight, feeling ill, the many many many drugs she was taking every day, the dodderyness, the tests. She absolutely hated the blood tests, it had all got too much. Last week on Wednesday the doctors wanted to admit her, she wouldn’t go. We went home. I discussed it with her. She eventually decided to go back in on the Friday to an ordinary ward. She was admitted to the ICU as her condition had deteriorated. As we prepared to leave home in the Ambassador to go to the hospital she had one careful look around the lounge, as if she was taking it all in, one last time or as others suggested that she could see something else telling her it was time.
Manjula had a heart attack that evening and was brought back to life then again in the morning she had another and in line with her wishes I asked the doctors to let her go.
Bereft and tearful
It’s late afternoon, post lunch of pizza and smoothy ….. I’m listening to the shouted messages to ‘eat properly’ and look after myself. I even got to yoga this morning. It hasn’t been feasible for the past three months. I still however sweat like a pig.
I’m in this park now.
Where there’s lots of young lovers hanging out. I don’t know how Manjula and I came to be here, it’s the other side of town. It was probably on one of our endless trips to clinics.
We’d make them extra special times. We’d turn the tables and make a positive out of the hassle of the clinic crawls. Regular visits to clinics all over the city. Sometimes we’d turn it into a trip to a salt cave (yes we have one in Mysore!) and we haven’t been there for a long time, or lunch at one of her fave places, maybe to get some fish or a drive miss daisy/Manjula style outing into the countryside.
We were such idiots (flashback) … I love you, i love you two, three, four, five a crore…. childish, innocent, emotional, warm, connected to the extreme. Now I’m Nourished by my memories of Manjula but of course also bereft, pained and tearful.
It is however, good to stop, becalm, remember, smile and try block out the crap.
It’s been a difficult few months. Manjula has lost so much weight she was the proverbial stick-insect. See she’s here and not at the same time.
We discussed at the beginning of the season whether to keep the BnB open. Manjula was adamant, it was a no-brainier and critical to her. The whole point is …. we have an open house, our home that we share, we invite and welcome people to come and connect. That was her ‘quality’ she might have been ill but this was her life and what she wanted.
I’d keep checking as the weeks went on and always it was the same. She had to take more and more pillS, was confined to the ground floor, a bit doddery on her feet, needed lifting up from the toilet. Her day was made by coming out and speaking, even if only for a few moments, to say hi, connect and get to know her guests, share herself. It would enliven her, be a kick start, we’d get chat, smiles, fun and laughter. You guys know what I’m saying.
So in that spirit I’m Looking for help to come and be part of what we’re doing here.
I’ll get back to you on that, in my next posting.
Missing Manjula 1
Thank you all for your kind thoughts, precious memories of Manjula and wonderful photographs. There are so many I can’t keep up but please do send more and we’ll create a virtual book.
Here’s some examples.
Dear Stephen
I’m so very sorry to hear about Manjula – she gave joy not just to you but to many others too. I just wanted to share with you some of the photos I took of her. I especially like the one of the two of you that I took while you were still claiming that you weren’t a couple’.
Sending much love – Anna
………..
Thank you for getting to know a little bit of you, from Dana and her family.
……….
Dear Stephen,
We have just received your news and are just so very very sad to hear of Manjula’s death. it is hard for us to take in and must be so for you. She was such a one-off, we were so happy to meet her, loved her humour, her cooking, the way she had your measure! She also had courage. What a great couple you were. We are so glad that you had your time together, short though it turned out to be and we have such joyful memories of staying with you. Sunday night curry – how she glowed sitting at that table in her beautiful saris, take away pizzas, and fruit salad without papaya for me (against the rules!)! We have many very fond memories. We are so sorry that her life has been cut short but I imagine her years with you must have exceeded anything she had expected in her life! I’m sure tears are being shed across many countries, so many people did she connect with.
We also are just so sad for you in your loss. It must be very very tough. Thankfully you are surrounded by people who also loved and appreciated her uniqueness and hope this offers some comfort in your sadness. Much love to you.
Ros and Paul xx
Thank you
It is with untold sadness we celebrate my beautiful Manjula. She came into my life just nine years ago…..Worried that there was no electric mixer/grinder in the kitchen.
You might never imagine from meeting and experiencing her and the spark she created the trail of positiveness she left, how difficult her life had been from the very first second after birth.
Not only has she been able to blossom and grow she has had an impressive lasting impact on all she met and especially on the gruff Yorkshireman.
Manjula’s spark, her warm and welcoming personality, her openess, the richness that she brought to her relationships with everyone, the connectedness she created with people around the world is of course one part of this rich picture.
She transformed my life and now I have an immeasurable gap.
It’s not that I haven’t known this was coming, we’ve known for years that it might be touch and go and her life might be tragically cut short.
She would often joke that nine years ago she came as my maid and now I’m her maid, so true in so many ways. In particular in these last few months when she lost so much weight and had to deal with one problem after another.
She’s not only learned English, non of it from me, she’d hasten to add, she also took on her own brand of English humour. A joker yes, quick witted but warm caringly connecting.
Good things don’t always last but me and the many many people here and around the world we’re touched by this extraordinary woman and celebrate her intensity.
For that I’m blessed I will forever cherish the time, our experiences, the lessons I’ve learned and the love we shared.
Thank you my darling, my precious, my love.
Your husband Stephen
I relayed this during Pooja at our house with Manjula resting outside. Immediately afterwards Manjula was taken to the crematorium.
It was an important statement to celebrate Manjula and our relationship.
Team briefing
As per usual. The girls are completely ignoring me. I’ve offered Manjula a new job and here’s the detail of the tasks and targets!
Ok so I’m not the worlds best artist 🙃 it’s how I communicated her job when she first came to work for me….
yes, there was a day when Manjula actually worked for me. Now we know that the tables have turned.
This is just my way to help support her and to focus on what’s important such as eating well, putting on weight, exercising, not being in bed too long, welcoming and chatting with guests, taking meds on time. Above all fun things and seeing the world through a glass half full
Here’s Manjula summarising how her jobs changed over time. A week or so before she died.
Me and MYCycle 