“If God is everywhere, why do we need to go to a Temple”
She wished to be reincarnated as a tree as it protected and supported people.
That’s my sunshine.
Manjula would say …
Tag: love
Precious moments
After watching Ina’s family’s celebration of her life, (funeral).
I’m reminded to try and always leave meeting someone with warmth and care as it might be the last time we see them. I did with Ina but still need reminding to always be attentive, kind and share compassion.
There’s more about Ina here
Each year we will do Puja for MAnjula and Ina to help their spirits ‘on the way’ to their new lives.
Language of love
A recent arrival at Manjula’s Library.
There’s a short chapter on ‘the language of love’ my reaction is not surprising, given the subject.
It happens ‘sometimes’. …
There’s a physical tightening of the stomach and a sort of shift in the eyes and forehead leading to the feeling of tears welling and a teeny moisturising of the eyes. I’m still making my way through the fantasy fairground tunnel of love slowly through the thick mud of grief gravy. Whilst I’ll never get to the end I need to ensure I break into the positive memory zones and rediscover tolerance.
On the way I’m reminded of previous moments of our wonderful life that I was lucky enough to share with my MAnjula.
Her love was constant (probably) and consistent built on her strengths of attentiveness and presence. I love her more as I’m share more of its layers passing through this crazy tunnel.
I realise that I’ve written this with John Lennon’s Woman playing in the background and it all started with you are my sunshine.
Lyrics below
Woman
I can hardly express
My mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness
After all, I’m forever in your debt
And woman
I will try to express
My inner feelings and thankfulness
For showing me the meaning of success
…
Woman
I know you understand
The little child inside the man
Please remember, my life is in your hands
And woman
Hold me close to your heart
However distant, don’t keep us apart
After all, it is written in the stars
…
woman
Please let me explain
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain
So let me tell you again and again and again
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
——-
You are my sunshine
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take
My sunshine away
The other night, dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you
In my arms
When I awoke, dear
I was mistaken
So I hung my head and cried
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take
My sunshine away
Manjula’s love
Radiated through her smile and her actions.
As I’ve paddled my boat through the grief gravy the layers of Manjula’s love become more apparent. I learn more everyday from her life.
“But when you want to gain love through success, it cannot be achieved through anything quantifiable. The people that will be crying when you depart the world are not doing so because of any number that is tied to your name. They are doing so because you were a loving partner, a caring friend, or a shepherd of kindness. You are dearly missed not because of what you’ve earned, but because of what you represented.”
Life’s lessons
The illusion of control.
I expect I’m doing my usual and stating the bleeding obvious.
In this unwelcome necessary extraordinary extended period of reflection and potential growth, I realise the greatest challenge.
Yes it’s about loss and grief, goes without saying, I suppose.
There’s been many but especially three (many more of course but three for listing here) . Losing someone through splitting up with a lover, second losing Manjula when she died. Now I’d count my tonic to deal with the grief as the third. It’s not loss but deep down it’s the equivalent.
So why do I put them together?
They represent times when I felt unable to do anything … actually experiencing powerlessness, learning lack of control in some situations.
That realisation comes … After a lifetime of reinforced messages that it’s up to us, we’re masters of our own destiny and in control.
The third example is having the wherewithal to support and guide Kaveri but to realise how handicapped I am in the face of a completely dysfunctional family who don’t understand or care.
Well done, Farrell — that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into (only yesterday, Kaveri was asking about Laurel and Hardy) — But of course it’s about regaining one’s equilibrium, being positive and constructive, working out the way that works and the benefit I can gain from another of life’s lessons.
So in a different way, it does depend on how we take it and manage the situation — critically it’s in the eyes of the beholder—and mostly about our relationships.
So as I said bleeding obvious.
I send this to you because you might not believe it but you are very important
As Kaveri knows, BK
The family grows
No not (just) the car.
It’s important to recognise and realise how much my adopted family here in India as helped me survive the most difficult years in my life.
Sowbaghya is so critical to my life here in Mysore
She’s project managed and coordinated the rejuvenation of the radical red, that is now attention seeking in and around Mysore and Srirangaptnam
That’s the tip of the mountain of help she has been.
Sowbaghya is important to me and has kept me and the business going.
Thank you Sowbaghya for all your help.
I firmly believe that grief is always with us but becomes more manageable as we fill the space around it with important valued people and ‘things’ we do.
The next member of the family, everyone knows, the irrepressible Kaveri. Grief manager extraordinaire.
I can’t begin to list what she does for me.
She makes me smile (and cry.)
She’s cool.
Our mini team is complete with Kaveri’s ‘sister’ Radhika, a wonderful young woman.
I look forward to witnessing her develop and we growing together through the years.
Oh ….. Trishalla and Eregowda, have been a great support through difficult and remembering times, you’ll have to wait to see where that leads.
A special mention for: Sarvesh, Vasanth, Satish, Tanuja and their families.
We’ve all worked together to cherish and continue Manjula’s radiance through our projects: events, school, community meals, creativity days, supporting Kaveri, and making Manjula’s garden in the park.
Not to forget our guests who have become family and my very own DNA family folks in the U.K. and Canada
There’s not only humans in my family…
Wayanad
We’ve returned to Varnam homestay
Introduced to us by previous guests (there’s been a bit of to and fro, with guests visiting both here and Mysore Bed and Breakfast.) and especially Antoinette (aka the Queen, who’s retained her head) it’s our second visit this school holiday.
I didn’t want to risk driving the radical red so far so Anjum drove us in his taxi.
There’s plenty of entertainment.
Including self-made
BUT ITS BEEN A SHOCK
…
This morning Lucie and I went for a walk on the other side of the lake but it didn’t go to plan.
Lucie slipped down a bank, touched the electric fence and ended up on the other side. It was a joke, an episode of ‘Laurel and Hardy’.
Comedy from silent movie days.
I created a barrier with palm leaf and hauled her back through the fence, with a ‘thank you’ nip for my trouble.
The girls have now found the beginning of the next day.
Duty Done
Not satisfied with one, here’s number two
Kaveri and I appearing yet again.
Her alter ego altered from Christmas girl to Elfie.
This time for the 100 children at her school Kaliyuvamane.
Elfie leaped ahead, to translate the mumbles of Santa to explain the most important gift we can give is at no cost, which is to care and be kind.
We jointly prepared 100 bags of sweets for the students.
A great opportunity to apply the times tables (bits of them anyway) working out systems to fill them, fold them, then pile and pack them.
Adam Smith would have been proud of our ingenuity and innovation.
A combo of system, specialism and adaptability. Ok it’s small and simple but helped me realise —- Doing projects is the learning way forward.
So I could explain that there are thousands of us helping share his caring message, as there’s too many daytime events for him to get round them all, all at once. I’ve never met him I just get requests to appear so I don’t know if he’s real or not.
Don’t ask me how he manages go fill so many stockings in one night.
As Kaveri doesn’t get a holiday from school our Christmas Day is postponed to New Year’s Eve, when she’ll be on Sunday holiday. Coincidentally it’s someone else’s birthday.
Back home in Mysore
What’sapp between Ani and I
Sowbaghya is in charge, looking after the house and menagerie while I’m away.
So here, from a few years ago, are the two beauties together
Unending love
Me and MYCycle 