for working together to create this beautiful image.
‘Beloved’ A portrait of Manjula
Stephen’s love for Manjula . Weaves a bridge, between our worlds. A bridge made of heart strings, a bridge of exploration to the multi dimensional. Manjula’s love for Stephen. Pierces through the veil, as a warm ray on a chilly day.
by Aadirika Kawa
I love my new Manjula. It’s been well worth the wait I understand how much skill and creativity it has taken. I realise there’s so many dimensions to this living and breathing painting, I can see different aspects depending upon where I stand, the lighting and how its photographed. This has taken so much love and dedication to create.
Manjula would laugh and tease me, claiming we already had too many paintings. I can’t get enough of her.
Thank you for my wonderful Christmas present and presence.
I’ve reached out to Manjula and I’m disappointed that she’s not appeared, or maybe she has. I know she’s with me. I am surrounded by her image but is that any reason not to commission another?
MAnjula is even on my mask and T shirt on this morning’s Lucie walk. . A ghostly apparition?
She once told me a story about hungry ghosts which will feature in our story. I hope she’s not one as we’ve completed the rituals to help her her soul find it’s way to a new home.
I’ve commissioned a painting, of MAnjula and posted for you some of the early stages and a ‘teeny’ example where Lucie appears.
Manjula’s assistants: Lucie (the furry one) Satish (the director one) and Stephen (the hairy one) giving yet another cycle. Sowbhagya (who holds up Moksha Manor) and her son Naveen. A happy boy with his new bicycle.
You may recall an earlier posting here about my very own star. MAnjula was without doubt a shooting star who exploded, touched all of our lives with an intensity that left slivers of influence for all of us with lasting effect and with one assertive example.
It’s the early hours of the morning I’m often woken by a thud at my bedroom door. It may four or five heaves before she breaks through to sleep by my side on the Tibetan rug.
In the morning as I prepare breakfast she stand motionless staring through the kitchen door, waiting.
Later in the day I’m sitting in the balcony chair or lying on the Divan, reading a book and as soon as my eyes begin to droop: she talks loudly, a friendly attention seeking growl. This is since Manjula slipped through my clumsy fingers. It feels as if one of those slivers of the shooting star, the thoughtful caring spirit is now resting within Lucie. There is no doubt Lucie has taken a more assertive role and Manjula’s presence is felt , I have a new boss.
MAnjula is with me in so many ways and nothing dampens her spirit, then or now.
I think it’s safe to say that I haven’t been avoiding it.
I’ve travelled through the most difficult period in my life. I’ve faced it, even embraced it, it’s still with me and always will, grief has become my unwelcome friend.
As I follow Manjula’s teeny tiny steps, remember our happy and yet challenging life together, as peeping through the cloudy sadness I learn more and love more about her, realise how lucky I was and continue to celebrate my beautiful, wonderful, kind wife.
I’m sharing always, and I continue to write our story but it will be some time yet before it’s finished. At times, it feels like I’m showing my devotion by building the Taj Mahal in matchsticks. So hang on a little longer. 🙃
In the meantime, there’s early postings about our life together, here on our site for you.
I wish I’d discovered this earlier, when Manjula was with me in person.
I realise with Manjula and others I love, that there are often times when I’m — ‘not quite there.’ I have a tendency to distance, to go numb when stressed, withdraw and move to the edge.
On reflection, I think this might be one of my most significant failings. OK OK, queue here to add to the list….. (of significant failings) 😉
Presence Stephen, be there …
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Maria Popova’s Brain pickings which arrived in my mail box today, relates to this, and has introduced me to Thich Nhat Hanh.
I love this quote and there is more here, if you’re interested….
Some of my friends have been kind enough to share that when I lost Manjula they felt for me and hugged their own loved one closer and tighter.
It’s great that friends gain insights from our loss, which heightens their appreciation of their loved ones now.
….
I”m not sure we can maximise every single day and live it as if its your last (how exhausting) but Thich Nhat Hanh points out that we should strive to be there, to be present and connected to our loved one(s).
I realise, I did what I could in the circumstances but it’s always possible to do more and better.
The intensity of loss highlights how important your love always is and will be, it shows how invaluable is the support you can give each other especially in challenging times.
Manjula continues to give and she was always there and present, remarkably so, more than anyone I’ve known. More in our story, you’ll just have to wait.
I realise now that then you’re shocked by untimely death your love doesn’t perish, it grows in intensity and in a way, absence doesn’t diminish presence.
Her presence is of course beyond all the pics I’ve got around me of Manjula at home or that I occasionally ride through the city 😉 .
Me and MYCycle 