After watching Ina’s family’s celebration of her life, (funeral).
I’m reminded to try and always leave meeting someone with warmth and care as it might be the last time we see them. I did with Ina but still need reminding to always be attentive, kind and share compassion.
There’s more about Ina here
Each year we will do Puja for MAnjula and Ina to help their spirits ‘on the way’ to their new lives.
A recent arrival at Manjula’s Library.
There’s a short chapter on ‘the language of love’ my reaction is not surprising, given the subject.
It happens ‘sometimes’. …
There’s a physical tightening of the stomach and a sort of shift in the eyes and forehead leading to the feeling of tears welling and a teeny moisturising of the eyes. I’m still making my way through the fantasy fairground tunnel of love slowly through the thick mud of grief gravy. Whilst I’ll never get to the end I need to ensure I break into the positive memory zones and rediscover tolerance.
On the way I’m reminded of previous moments of our wonderful life that I was lucky enough to share with my MAnjula.
Her love was constant (probably) and consistent built on her strengths of attentiveness and presence. I love her more as I’m share more of its layers passing through this crazy tunnel.
I realise that I’ve written this with John Lennon’s Woman playing in the background and it all started with you are my sunshine.
Lyrics below
Woman
I can hardly express
My mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness
After all, I’m forever in your debt
And woman
I will try to express
My inner feelings and thankfulness
For showing me the meaning of success
…
Woman
I know you understand
The little child inside the man
Please remember, my life is in your hands
And woman
Hold me close to your heart
However distant, don’t keep us apart
After all, it is written in the stars
…
woman
Please let me explain
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain
So let me tell you again and again and again
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
——-
You are my sunshine
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take
My sunshine away
The other night, dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you
In my arms
When I awoke, dear
I was mistaken
So I hung my head and cried
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take
My sunshine away
… Leave for two nights with Kaveri’s mum.
It’s been the usual joy having them here for the week.
There’s one more before they return to school and college.
The T-shirt was left as a gift by a recent guest but nicely sums up the impact Manjula’s Mysore wants from our support to them
Footnote
Chandrika has re-utilised the money I’d given them for the auto ride. No surprise there then.
The illusion of control.
I expect I’m doing my usual and stating the bleeding obvious.
In this unwelcome necessary extraordinary extended period of reflection and potential growth, I realise the greatest challenge.
Yes it’s about loss and grief, goes without saying, I suppose.
There’s been many but especially three (many more of course but three for listing here) . Losing someone through splitting up with a lover, second losing Manjula when she died. Now I’d count my tonic to deal with the grief as the third. It’s not loss but deep down it’s the equivalent.
So why do I put them together?
They represent times when I felt unable to do anything … actually experiencing powerlessness, learning lack of control in some situations.
That realisation comes … After a lifetime of reinforced messages that it’s up to us, we’re masters of our own destiny and in control.
The third example is having the wherewithal to support and guide Kaveri but to realise how handicapped I am in the face of a completely dysfunctional family who don’t understand or care.
Well done, Farrell — that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into (only yesterday, Kaveri was asking about Laurel and Hardy) — But of course it’s about regaining one’s equilibrium, being positive and constructive, working out the way that works and the benefit I can gain from another of life’s lessons.
So in a different way, it does depend on how we take it and manage the situation — critically it’s in the eyes of the beholder—and mostly about our relationships.
So as I said bleeding obvious.
I send this to you because you might not believe it but you are very important
As Kaveri knows, BK
Kaveri is already an ace negotiator
I’ve now agreed to match whatever she saves this (financial) year, with the equivalent each year up until she reaches 21.
We’ve started counting her savings and placed them in a box at my home
That’s now over 5,000Rs from the two years I’ve known her, from selling bracelets at the kids market and generally extorting from the foreigners. 🤔🤭🙂
It’ll be put into a protected account so no one else can get their grubby hands on it.
One of the many many lessons I learned from Manjula is how she experienced people, particularly men but not exclusively, and also family members (and first husband) who would take her money, gold and send her out to the moneylenders to borrow more.
We will have protections in place, help educate Kaveri and hopefully the strong woman I know she will become will help safeguard her as an adult.
…
Plus she’s astute at reminding me of my ‘pearls of wisdom’ when I forget to follow my own advice. So we’ll also keep an eye on each other.
..
So Kaveri… the savings are for you to choose how to use BUT it’s a waste to spend on parties. Leave that until you’re rich.
…
Here’s how we arrived here —- from Facebook
The third cake saw the gang celebrating Manjula’s birthday at a Mysore micro brewery.
Maria can’t believe we’ve devoured so much cake.
We continue to celebrate Manjula’s birthday for a whole week and onwards.
and recognise our support for our Tibetan friends through decorating our house
More from out visit to Bylakuppe
The monastery where Ani used to live, the workshops making ornate metal for the Temples and Tibetan incense sticks.
We visited Bylakuppe, the largest Tibetan settlement in India.
Our good friend and monk Dorjee and his sponsor for many years Ina helped us understand more.
We learned so much about the Dalai Lama escaping from the Chinese invasion of Tibet and the subsequent oppression
Thank you to Kaveri, Radhika, Dorjee, Ina, Sowbaghya, John, Maria.
We had a lovely day.
Not forgetting Lucie being spoilt by Ina.
And then again, not satisfied with one we had to have another.
This time following the theme of the radiant sun that Manjula brought into our lives and still appears exactly when it’s needed.
Gathered today on Manjula’s bench, next to Manjula’s garden, eating Manjula’s radiantness cake and celebrating her wonderfulness on her 51st birthday celebrations that have already gone on for a week. we have Kaveri, Radhika, Maria, John, Ina, Lucie and Stephen.
Please note Ina is naughty, bribing Lucie for affections with cake.
That’s after Mr No experience was coerced into decorating Kaveri’s palm
Next day
SB couldn’t miss out and had to have more cake….
Yes that’s two pieces. One was supposed to be for her son Naveen.
We begin remembering Manjula on what would have been her 51st birthday.
Here are our current guests Ina— the stalwart— who has visited us at Mysore Bed and Breakfast, almost every year for at least a month (with a break during the pandemic) and John, also a ‘glutton for punishment’ as he’s a returner —who we haven’t yet scared away — Settling in and helping us plan our rememberances.
Vasanth, Sowbaghya and I visited the nursery to get birthday flowers for Manjula’s garden. Unfortunately I didn’t get a photo of Priyanka, the friendly young woman shopping there. She donated a plant, on hearing why we were there..
How cool is that?
John
made a lovely ‘short’ of our first stage. . 🤭🤪
Next …. SB arrives with the first of three, yes three cakes….
and the family hanging out in the park ….
