Manjula’s Amma (mother) arrived unexpectedly at the house today. We’ll have to wait until later for our update to find out why she’s travelled for hours from the village where she’s currently living with her sister.
Author: SF
A YIndian, Yorkshire by birth and Indian by marriage. Originally from the UK, I've now lived in Mysore, South India for over ten years with my beautiful wife Manjula. MeandMycycle is about the ups, downs and ups of our life in Mysore and our creations: Mysore Bed and Breakfast and MyCycle Tours.
Time for a change
As I almost reach sixty and a half it’s time to reflect, review and introduce a view changes.
So I’ve got out and dusted off the plimsolls (does that word still exist?). The classic Green Flash.
Yes I’m heading to the gym…. But one step at a time … for Yoga., at this stage.
Already I’m feeling results, my stiff back is beginning to ease up a tad. I am however beginning to think I’m the class clown. Yes they laugh at (not with me) my grunting (kindly teacher calls it music), or my silly walks, try walking on the inside edge of your feet (or IS IT just me?) and to top it all. .., This morning after the final lie down relaxation session, the mat (these are plasticky gym mats) had a perfect image of my body in sweat. Uncanny no one else has any sweat!
Next step cardio. Bring out the buckets. (For the gallons of sweat)
Oh and…
yes they do still sell them
A day in the life of….
Manjula’s Mysore
What a mix.
Life goes on in the odd tapestry of India!
Manjula’s tailor friend may have found a prospective husband. For her daughter. Current view is 90% likely. Check.
Mangala, our main cleaner (Narianappa her father and our gardener has recently died. Check previous outings) No longer has her father to represent her interests with her useless husband. He doesn’t work, lazes about and demands money for drink. Well she got to the end of her tether so beat him up. The girls are now laughing as he hobbles around with the help of a stick and moans about his bruises.
As Kamlama is now somewhere in Coorg, check Manjula has found a new cleaner. We need to have absolutely trustworthy staff, not least because I leave things around the house but of course we have many guests who must feel comfortable sharing our home. Well Manjula decided to test her and left some money out which promptly disappeared. Next day Manj asked her if she’d seen it and Mangla (yes same name as other cleaner) professed no knowledge about it. So ‘soft cop’ Manjula informs poor young girl that there are CCTV camera in the house that the boss aka ‘hard cop’ (yes that’s me, unlikely as it might seem) will check the computer when he gets back from abroad. Miraculously, as you might expect, poor girl finds it under the fridge! I’m just an observer in these things and don’t condone any particular methodology but we have to work out the best we can in the circumstances.
A friend of M’s mother has died so she’ll get over to pay her last respects who will be laid out outside the house and take to the Chamundi Hill bottom where there’s a field for the funeral pyres.
We have Indian guests from Delhi and Chennai this weekend and will all gather for dinner at Hotel Roopa this evening.
Good friend Vinay reckons I’m a closet BJP supporter. I don’t eat beef, love India and now have a lotus tattoo.
I don’t! I’m not!
And finally
Lucy just hangs around. I thought it was because she missed me during my trip to the UK. Far from it, it’s just too bloody hot. Manj wants AC and demands to go away for months next year!
Hang on…. she must have got the vibe and
Now wants a walk
Marriage woes
Ok. So you’ve got the gist of the story. Manjula’s friends daughter is looking for a husband. The broker has now found maybe six or seven potential husbands. Non have been suitable, they’ve rejected her usually down to the fact her parents don’t have a lot of money. They’ve been bank managers (she’s one) or equivalent.
Well the latest guy is up for it, works in a bank and his parents are well off. Will it work?
Seems not.
She worries that his job is too lowly within the bank which could prove an embarrassment in social situations. How will this ever be resolved?
I wonder what incentive scheme the broker is working on. Does he have targets! Does he get paid per intro or for a successful union? Whatever, it’s a minefield!
Dire Straits
Manjula is just back with more info about Kamalama’s situation. The first story was most accurate. The one about family illness was a cover story.
Kamalama has effectively run away to Coorg, where she’s from, the area of the western Ghats a few hours away.
It seems that there was an argument and some sort of fracas with her son’s ‘wife’. The upshot is that the ‘wife’ threatened to come round with her main husband and kill Kamalama later that day. So she’s done a runner. Can’t blame her but what a terrible situation for an elderly lady.
Farrell Factoid
the wife has a range of ‘husbands’ that she flits between.
I’m not saying this sort of violence is usual or the complex inter-relationships is common but I’ve heard of similar situations.
Kamalama’s son re-appeared a few years ago and she was happy they had re-established contact. She lives a simple life, has a small house and works as cleaner, washing clothes etc at various houses. We think she’s is in her 60’s. It’s difficult to know what if anything we can do.
women’s role models
From a few months ago….
As I wait for today’s cycle guests. I’m chewing the cud with one of my Ganjam friends who is aged around 11, she’s a neighbour of Satish’s where I store my cycles. We’re wondering why in India, most girls stop cycling when they become women. There are plenty of positive women role models cycling around the world and of course on our MyCycle tours. There were two from U.K. and Australia yesterday, two from Germany and Switzerland today and some very slightly older women from the UK and Australia tomorrow. Well done to them for setting a superb example! its really noticed by the girls as we cycle around.
But it’s VERY rare (exceptions above, prove the rule!) to see Indian women cycling and when we do see it, its clearly a change in society that comes from the growing middle class. That’s of course superb but we don’t see it often enough. Why?
Yes, why do Indian girls tend to stop cycling when they become women? Another conversation might help provide some insight.
Manjula tells me that part of the attractiveness of the opposite sex, (in addition to the usual rigours of determining suitability for an arranged marriage: caste, wealth, stars, parent’s occupation and much much more), there are certain physical characteristics that are looked for. (This doesn’t of course mean it applies across India’s diverse groups!) You know the sort of thing. Small feet for women etc. Well a novel one she’s just told me relates to foot arch. Men’s arch needs to be clear and distinct, women’s feet should be flat! really? its a patriarchal minefield.
My point is, this preoccupation with attractiveness and that includes all sorts of pressure to be perceived as ‘normal’ includes the barrier, the challenge, the tradition, the clear message that cycling when a girl gets older, makes her less attractive or desirable as a poteniutal bride.
Another friend of mine, who will remain anonymous, as a young women, did some really innovative community projects, in terms of helping poor families. When it came time to look for a husband she had to ditch that work and commitment and hand over to others, to ensure she was able to find a husband!! Otherwise, she might be seen as less desirable with all that baggage!
So likewise, I reckon a woman’s desirability, eligibility, acceptability vis-a-vis marriage is enhanced if she DOESN’T cycle! What a shame! Its so the wrong way round.
Now I’m all for sensitivity to cultural difference, I pride myself on having designed and created many projects in tune and partnership with the communities they served BUT that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be critical of tradition, there are also many things that should change. Patriarchy and oppressing the ladies to conform is one of them. Here’s to the different approach for these future women!
but I do realise that there is such a long way to go…
To be fair its an intenational challenge, women around the world face barriers to taking up or maintaining cycling. A previous guest and our good friend Tiffany Lam has written on this very subject, please follow the link here
to find out more.
Strength to the girls. (and women)… keep on cycling!
Chinese Whispers
We’ve been worried about Kamalama, one of our cleaners these past few days. Manjula had heard from a mutual friend that Kamalama had been hit and beaten by her son and had gone back to Coorg, the area, three hours away and where she’s from. She’d not been to work for a few days. Manjula had called round to her room but it was locked and she couldn’t find anyone who knew anything more.
We’ve all missed her and she’s a particular friend of Lucie our dog.
Well, she turned up this morning and clearly the old ‘Chinese whispers’ have been working overtime. How the fact that her daughter’s husband has a heart condition and close to death had contorted to the fact she’d been beaten up escapes me. We are very sorry to hear about her son in law but also relieved she hasn’t been attacked and injured.
Moksha Manor
Mysore Bed and Breakfast?
Stakeholders? Who?
the arrogance of the British?
BUT they were sent packing decades ago!
The powers that be, in this case Mysore University, are planning to commercialise the best natural lake in Mysore: Kukkarahalli Kere used by hundreds of locals for invigorating walks and a wonderfully diverse population of birds.
They seem to be stuck in the past.. development-itis means buildings, creating a boating lake (we already have a boating lake – why not buy some better boats and get that one working properly?) destroying the very aspects of the lake that attracts the birds and creates the necessary life-enhancing biodiversity. A case of throwing the baby out with the bathwater?
Well this morning, there was a tremendous turnout of local people from allsorts of local organisations and all political affilitiations, to highlight what will be lost with this inappropriate development. Appreciating their picture show of birds to be found on the lake and signing their petition were hundreds of local people who love the lake as it is now.
Well done the managers of Mysore University, who are acting just like the autocratic British invaders with no sensitivity to local needs and wishes. They might as well be invaders from outside given the complete lack of sensitivity to local stakeholders with little understanding of our need to live in harmony with the natural world. Maybe their brain is not in tune to a real world, they are contributing to the destruction of Mysore and what makes it unique. Maybe they will realise our loss when its too late.
Unfortunately it was too foggy this morning to properly appreciate the place. Maybe that’s appropriate as it helps illuminate what it will be like after the ‘development’ as we’ll see fewer birds. There will however, always be a place in the hearts of the heartless for the lesser spotted digger, the painted TATA Hitachi, the tool of develpment -itis.
Farrell Factoid
The thread throughout all my careers has been engaging people. One of my current workshops, delivered in the UK as part of the Corporate Responsiblity Academy is a ‘development’ model that is based on stakeholder dialogue and their active participation.
more change….
We, that’s Manjula, Kamlama and I, drive to the village in the Ambassador, round the backside of Chamundi Hill.
We park round the front of the small village house and follow the sound of the music to the rear. We’re met by a typical scene: a “tent’ a canvas decorated roof to provide shade, these are often used for events at someone’s house, has been quickly erected that morning. The musicians are seated on the road in centre of the tent, the men are either seated by the music or constructing something out of bamboo.
Our gardener is laid by the side of the house door with his closest women relatives, particularly his wife and adult daughters, crying, prostate around his body. Small groups respectfully go and place flowers. the pile becomes so high that they are often scooped up and taken away to be added to the ‘litter’ the men are building.
We pay our respects, leave flowers, wait a few moments and leave.
He will be buried later that day. I don’t know why. Most people are burnt on a funeral pyre (helps the soul escape?) and then the ashes to be sprinkled on water. Locally that’s on the river such as the site we feature on the Srirangaptnam tour. Some are buried.
For the following thirteen days there are a whole series of rituals and customs to be followed. These vary according to location, caste, local and family tradition. They might include: no cooking at home, a process of cleansing, clearing and cleaning, redecorating the house, showering, Tulsi plants, new sari, bangles, sindu. The widow goes to the burial place to break her bangles, takes the flowers from her hair and wipes off the Sindu.
Its complicated, formal and informal and its significance is unmistakeable.
These scenes are common as we pass through villages.
This is the first close member of our team to die. Nariyanappa has worked for us for over three years and in that relatively short time has created a commerative to his abilities as a gardener. He’s made a real and lasting difference to the place.
You can see it, as you arrive at the house, in the downstairs sit-out, up by the back door with the bouganvillia or the best of the lot, the roof top terrace. Even to the very last moments he was concerned to ensure his daughter (who also works for us) was visiting regularly to water and keep the garden in good order.
Respect!
We visited his wife and family during this period of mourning to provide some cash to help them through and the gift of a little sun We thought it was approriate as he’d brought a light into our home with the beautiful garden he’d created which is appreciated by the hundreds of people who visit us here in Mysore.
Thank you Nariyanappa!
Me and MYCycle 