Year: 2020

Happy Diwali

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Sowbhagya came on Sunday to prepare the house and draw rangoli

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This is the first we’ve celebrated since MAnjula escaped.

We had a little rain over night and I love the new version of the Rangoli

Sowbhagya wanted to wash it away but I said leave it, I like the traditional and the modern.
communities celebrate Diwali on different days Saturday was for Jains and those from Tamil Nadu, today, Monday is for locals from Karnataka.

Harder for Lucie

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It’s hard for us all

This was relative calm after she’d objected to being prodded, and held on her back with legs in the air. So unladylike.
The foggy scan.

The vet thinks her kidney is smaller and misshapen does potential for renal failure. Poor Lucie.

Next step is special diet and another blood test in two weeks.

None of us are happy.

Too Hard

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That didn’t go very well.

Sowbhagya came in one of Manjula’s old dresses. Not the best idea. Lucie followed her into the kitchen thinking it was Manjula, SB hugged Lucie and burst into tears.

I walked Lucie for my own tearful.

Unforeseen and coincidentally photo of MAnjula in the dress recently popped up on Facebook.

Lucie clearly affected. Still missing her in so many ways.

Ayudhapuja!

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It’s the one day of the year when we wash our cars, cycles, motorbikes and tools, to then ask the Gods to bless them. Originally a Pooja for our weapons!

Lucie checks they’re doing it properly at the local hotel.

It’s the penultimate day of our big annual festival (Dasra or Dusshera). Commemorating the goddess Chamundeshwari (lives on the hill behind our house), killing the demon, after which Mysore is named.

Sowbhagyhya has already instructed me to wash my Enfield, Ambassador and Specialized. She’s now done the full on Pooja.

Lucie, probably because there’s a sliver of MAnjula in her, has to check things over, again.
The family downstairs doing Puja for their transport. Meanwhile Lucie and the puppy try to co-exist, moderately successfully.
It’s over a year since MAnjula escaped to a new life so we can do Pooja’s.

we say Happy Ayudhapuja!

Anita’s Attic

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Sowbhagya arrived with Dosa for her breakfast. The dining table was converted to one of my four workstations but she managed to find space. She was trapped but I blame her. She did show interest. So I launched into the synopsis of Manjula and my story, written for Anita.

SB was immediately engaged and liked it. We both enthusiastically remembered Manjula: her character, her kindness, her fun. SB could see connections with her and other women’s experiences but also how she was especially adventurous, strong and independent in the face of so many challenges.

I’m encouraged.

Last Saturday was the first session of Anita’s Attic. A programme for writers — yes, that’s me, officially a writer, of sorts — over the next twelve weeks.

There’s ten of us in the online group: taught, facilitated and mentored by Anita Nair.

Anita is a famous writer of English novels, here in India. My own favourite is Ladies Coupe and I hope that our story will feature similar expansive characters to help us discover more of India and wonderful people I’ve been fortunate to meet.

Meet We Three….

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Hello from Manjula, Lucie and Stephen. Please follow the links below to the videos introducing you to our family.

An introduction from Stephen

A wonderful message from Manjula on what would have been her 47th birthday. Created by Faizan from the many videos she made for Stephen and our worldwide family.

The two lovely videos below are made by Tom and Amy who became so significant in our lives, we ‘adopted’ them.

Manjula preparing a meal and gifting her love.

Stephen guiding a MYcycle tour and providing historical, political and cultural insights in a boring Yorkshire way.

Lucie

the grief gravy group

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I have been part of an online therapeutic group with two young women and a therapist, for the past few weekends.

At our final session we were asked to creatively reflect on our journey and how the group has helped. Here’s my feeble effort.

The detail in this rich picture will be shared by the end of our story. Yes, I’m writing and it’s far from complete but it is progressing: at the pace of a snail slithering along on the shell of a tortoise that’s travelling backwards.

Please do feel free to guess what the different images represent. There maybe a prize.

The group been an incredible support and very productive to help me swim along the grief gravy river and keep my head above liquid.

I know you’ve seen it before but I had to post the drawing of Manjula again as today’s attempt is so baaaaad.

Monisha Srichand, the group therapist is a skilled facilitator. She got the balance just right, providing enough structure, guidance and professional input so everyone felt comfortable and confident to share their own challenges whilst enabling us to provide insightful support to other members of the group. Highly recommended.

I’ve also posted details of the empty chair technique used in one of the sessions where you will also find contact details for Monashi and a network of therapists.

A great representation of the group by one of its members. Spot the dog!

If you or anyone you know is dealing with grief and need help. I can recommend books, have a chat or recommend the therapist who facilitated our group.


“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
― Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Be prepared ….. I’m sharing again.

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In my pursuit of new experiences and to help deal with my unwelcome friend: ‘grief’, I’ve joined an online therapeutic group.

In the group there’s four of us and we meet for two hours at a time. It’s been a great personal support, we’ve gained insights from each other and it’s helped us realise we’re not alone

It’s confidential so I’m not able to share any of the content but I want to compliment the therapist/facilitator and tell you about one of the techniques.

…..

It’s called empty chair, and involves me talking to Manjula and then swopping chairs to talk to myself, as if I’m Manjula.

Sound weird?

It is, but handled sensitively it’s powerful. I shift backwards and forwards in a continuing conversation ably facilitated, with gentle directions and questions. At the end, I reflect and everyone is able to chip-in.

So what’s the outcome?

I feel more positive through being able to chat with Manj. I understand better and realise how lucky we were to find each other.

It’s helped me articulate and continue to deal with my guilt. I’ve explained to Manjula what I failed to share before she died, to understand what she probably thought and create a narrative for dealing with the trauma and it’s aftermath.

She knows I am always there for her, understands I was stressed-out and unable to accept she was dying which limited my ability to be understanding and supportive or even know what to do.

I feel that I let her down and regret we didn’t say goodbye. It has however helped me recognise that I did what I could and have to accept what is.

I’ll improve my learning in this new discomfort zone and value Manjula in more ways, share her smile and kindness with others and give it to myself.

I’ve been able to hear from Manjula that she’s with me, loves and forgives. I recognise her strength and positive attitude and take that on board to guide me.

We are both able to go on with each others support, recall more of the positive, to accept what is, be there for each other, joke, recognise the wonderful life we had together and share our love.

I intend that we’ll meet again.

I feel less alone and commit to finishing our story.

…..

The facilitator is the founder and Director of a countrywide network helping match counsellors to those in need. Do check it out. Please see below.

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