In my pursuit of new experiences and to help deal with my unwelcome friend: ‘grief’, I’ve joined an online therapeutic group.

In the group there’s four of us and we meet for two hours at a time. It’s been a great personal support, we’ve gained insights from each other and it’s helped us realise we’re not alone

It’s confidential so I’m not able to share any of the content but I want to compliment the therapist/facilitator and tell you about one of the techniques.

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It’s called empty chair, and involves me talking to Manjula and then swopping chairs to talk to myself, as if I’m Manjula.

Sound weird?

It is, but handled sensitively it’s powerful. I shift backwards and forwards in a continuing conversation ably facilitated, with gentle directions and questions. At the end, I reflect and everyone is able to chip-in.

So what’s the outcome?

I feel more positive through being able to chat with Manj. I understand better and realise how lucky we were to find each other.

It’s helped me articulate and continue to deal with my guilt. I’ve explained to Manjula what I failed to share before she died, to understand what she probably thought and create a narrative for dealing with the trauma and it’s aftermath.

She knows I am always there for her, understands I was stressed-out and unable to accept she was dying which limited my ability to be understanding and supportive or even know what to do.

I feel that I let her down and regret we didn’t say goodbye. It has however helped me recognise that I did what I could and have to accept what is.

I’ll improve my learning in this new discomfort zone and value Manjula in more ways, share her smile and kindness with others and give it to myself.

I’ve been able to hear from Manjula that she’s with me, loves and forgives. I recognise her strength and positive attitude and take that on board to guide me.

We are both able to go on with each others support, recall more of the positive, to accept what is, be there for each other, joke, recognise the wonderful life we had together and share our love.

I intend that we’ll meet again.

I feel less alone and commit to finishing our story.

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The facilitator is the founder and Director of a countrywide network helping match counsellors to those in need. Do check it out. Please see below.

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