Category: our story

We approach Manjula’s birthday

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In August Manjula would have been 52.

We have traditions in the U.K. to commemorate and recognise significant people’s contribution by installing a blue plaque on the house where they lived

Like this one ….

So we just had to get one for MAnjula

Sarvesh, and Stephen the Directors of Manjula’s Mysore with Kaveri who we sponsor and support.

MAnjula remains in our home in Mysore in so many ways, this seemed like a fitting tribute to our precious …

Kaveri and her mum Chandrika unveiling Manjula’s blue plaque (again)
Kaveri and Sowbaghya reveal our lovely new plaque, witnessed by Akram
In recognition of her tolerance of the Yindian and her sharing her love through her beauty, infectious smile and attentive presence.

We love and miss you MAnjula. You’re here in our hearts and guide us in everything we do.

Manjula was our sunshine and a …

With Teeny feet

We’ll do more to remember her on her happy birthday.

Confined

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She’s sort of confined for a couple of weeks. Seemed in high spirits even though she’s only had the four walls for a week and there’s another ten days to go.

It’s a one in a lifetime experience but I use the term confined as it can refer to a jail/gaol or period after a birth. Only yesterday I was referring to how the invention of the printing press had helped release us from the diktats of the priests, at least in Europe.

More later.

On ‘coming of age’

SB member of our family

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Fact is, she’s a member of many families.

Manjula and I first met her when she was helping Hecheung, Justin and their two boys.

This week she had visitors from the US

Rebecca in green lived here as a young girl with her parents with SB helping out. She’s finished high school in the states and has now returned to Mysore for a few weeks to revisit people and places.

Sowbaghya welcomed them with lunch at her home.

She’s an incredible help in so many ways.

Now she’s joined our family and we try to ensure it’s not too boring.

Why?

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Do I want to stay in India? 

I visited the office of our local MP today who also happens to be … 

His Highness Shri Yaduveer Krishnadatta Chamaraja Wadiyar, Maharaja of Mysore

I met one of his team to ask for help to continue to live in India. He seemed a little flummoxed. 

Why did I want to live here? 

Why did he ask?

Maybe he expected me to live with my blood family. That is the tradition among some families in India, it’s not mine.

Mainly it’s because Mysore is my home

I fell in love with the people of India and its places initially from a distance in the 70s and full on when I arrived twenty years ago. 

Here is the family I have chosen. I’m close to my blood family but I choose this family where I have made my home built on trust, to live. If I can. 

There’s too many family members to list but I mention some … 

My beautiful wife MAnjula who remains in our hearts with her presence that’s felt in our home, in the memorial garden we created and the good we do. 

I got back home to the two who are most dominant in my life Kaveri and Sowbaghya. 

And show the others 

They also include 

— our team and the young people I’ve got to know through Manjula’s Mysore events. Here’s one. for forty young women and our reflective space

— our wonderful network in Mysore   

— Plus our online community with many around the world and here in India

BUT why do I need help?

As a foreigner married to an Indian I was eligible (it’s mandatory) for Overseas Citizen of India which gives residency. As she’s died whether I get one or not is discretionary. In Bangalore at  the Foreigners Regional Registration Office and in London at the High Commission they wouldn’t accept my application for OCI. As I understand it they can accept if we owned our house (we and I still rent) or had children, which we didn’t. Beyond this the powers of discretion are held at the centre in Delhi to which I don’t have access. 

Which is why I asking for the MPs help.

— He might have contacts in central government that could help me through their discretionary powers

— I’ve lived here for fifteen years on business visas which I’ll not be able to get another after this year. 

— he will recognise the value I’ve brought to our community through bringing businesses here on the Prince’s Seeing is Believing Events, helping young people and developing tourism in Mysore.

I hope the MP can help.

About time too

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My friends in the UK would laugh at this and declare ‘it’s about time too’.

I’m from the north you know and traditionally we are considered to have the wrong accent, miss letters out of our words and generally not be ‘up to scratch.’

Times have moved on now. We even have regional accents on the BBC .

But there might be some truth in that humour (as usual)

I’ve been helping Kaveri with her English while at the same time discovering it for myself.

🤭

I’m learning about grammar, the names and function of key words.

A helping hand

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I led an unusual cycle tour today on Srirangapatnam.

Four teenagers, ok one isn’t yet but no one would know. Were invited to join me for a cycle tour ostensibly to better understand how to be a guide.

My objective which alines with my latest thinking on how we might better prepare young people to be more rounded and better active citizens as they mature.

I’d hoped that the day’s adventure would help improve their confidence, communication and assertiveness.

Big ask but a tiny step.

Coincidentally Kaveri asked me why a horse had blinkers. I lost no opportunity to use the analogy in how it’s important for them to get a wider view.

I delivered the standard tour with more emphasis on how they should manage it, rather than the content.

SB the ever present aid and family member was her usual great support.

After the tour we visited the recently opened car museum

The museum included a similar Mercedes to one I owned in the 90s, my wonderful inactive Ambassador and a candlestick telephone like one at home.

…

I’ve invited them to continue with this journey, if they wish, so that within a year ( much less!) they should be able to lead a tour.

Maybe more meals might do the trick

Who knows where it might lead —- greater personal competencies at least.

If it happens— I’m open to them leading tours and maybe taking over and expanding. I have absolutely no expectations.

They’re all very different characters but of course, all have potential.

I was happy with the day.

Who adopted who?

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… or who’s the boss? Well nobody really.

I refer to how kaveri (age 11) who in a little over three years has matured mentally, physically and socially. It is, of course, a very significant stage in life.

Kaveri (age 11) today with her mum Chandrika at a wedding of a member of the extended family in the village

As you can see she now almost as tall as her mum (age 29?).

I’m proud of her and the little help I’ve been able to be.

Early days, just a little girl, shortly before her eighth birthday.

On reflection, she’s always been quite ‘together’ for her age.

Off to school with her auntie (aka sister)

She’s just about to start her third school since I’ve known her. I’ve promised that Manjula’s Mysore will continue to support her education up to university and maybe beyond.

…

Kaveri, Lucie and I

I’m — as Kaveri puts it — one of her nine mums.

Remembering MAnjula

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The house hosts her presence in every room (and outside).

Sowbaghya and I have kept the Bed and Breakfast as she envisioned it and even have a library named after her.

Our children’s and education section.

Our guests love meeting her. she even gets mentioned in our guest book

images of MAnjula and Lucie decorating the fan switch!!

At least once a year I bring out this image in memory of my beautiful MAnjula. It’s just for a few days. I started by cycling her around Mysore, at other times she’ll be in the memorial garden we created for her in the park or resting in our drive. Otherwise she’s stored in the Garage.

Unfortunately, you can’t please all the people all time. Some people you never can.

My insensitive neighbour complained that the image of MAnjula was outside and should be indoors. It’s a Hindu rule. I know there’s no such rule or if there is it’s often not followed. People remember their loved ones with posters around the streets or images in the newspaper.

He represents the brahminical elitism that can sometimes rear its ugly head (read your ‘games people play’). He’s even complained about the boys and girls sitting on the park benches that I’ve installed. It’s as if the Firangi (foreigner) is responsible for people’s behaviour. His prejudices are mildly entertaining but we generally ignore him.

PS

As AI tells us on the internet

The saying “Guest is God” (Atithi Devo Bhava in Sanskrit) is a core principle in Indian culture, emphasizing the importance of hospitality and treating guests with respect. While the saying is rooted in tradition and spiritual significance, the reality is that it’s not always a practical or realistic expectation, especially in modern life. 

You could say that ….

Kaveri

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It’s May and we’ve just celebrated Kaveri’ birthday.

She’s now 11 and she is a star

The past month’s activities included: seaside holiday, skating, swimming coaching and summer camp.

KaverI is now at her mother’s and we hit the uncertainty of whether Chandrika, her mother, will change her school. Kaliyuvamane the alternative residential school she’s attended for two years has helped her grow socially, intellectually and physically.

We can make either options work but the residential school has had the continuity that her home will not provide.

I worry that it maybe beyond Chandrika’s ability if Kaveri is shifted to the day school but we’ll do our best.

Meanwhile

I’m relaxing in Manjula’s Memorial Garden and toying with the idea of revisiting our memoir.

Can I revamp and rewrite? Do

I have the energy and the ability?