Category: Manjula Gives

Different worlds

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Ganesh, originally bought from the stone carvers in Tamil Nadu with representations of — (from the left) the moon, earth and sun.

I’ve adapted one of his key stories to share with Kaveri and Radhika.

It traditionally goes like this …

Ganesh and his brother have a race round the world to prove who’s fastest.

If we were asked to predict who would win we’d think his brother, as Ganesh aka Ganpati isn’t lithe and doesn’t look fit. Plus .. He eats a lot!

His brother is shocked to find Ganesh already there when he breathlessly reaches the finishing line.

It turns out Ganesh raced around his world (his parents) and his brother raced around the whole world (planet earth).

My addition.

There’s no right or wrong here, both raced around important worlds. Fact is — we occupy many worlds— at school, where we live, amongst our friends, work. It’s important for us to realise these different worlds — an understanding of which — helps us realise how people see things differently.

Only then … can we — Be Kind— (a regular message to Kaveri), as that depends on us understanding how each person sees things. No point ‘being kind’ in ways that ‘the other’ person doesn’t value or recognise.

Manjula’s Library

Factoid !?

Kartikeya ), also known as Skanda, Subrahmanya, Shanmukha and Murugan, is the Hindu god of war. He is generally described as the son of the deities Shiva and Parvati and the brother of Ganesha.

Lifted off the t’internet

All images are in Mysore Bed and Breakfast but non of his brother as he’s still racing around the world.

Help – Break the crate..

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Revealing possibilities

Broadening Horizons

Passing through Barriers

Help girls (and boys) prepare for adult life by introducing yourself and sharing your insights. 

Manjula’s Mysore is inviting its guests and members of its monthly meeting: ‘reflective space’ to create a short   Introductory video — talking to camera — to reveal what’s possible.

I often use the story of Ganesh and his brother racing each other to reveal to young people that we live in many different worlds — with our immediate family, at home, with friends, at work, our extended family, while travelling. 

It’s important to recognise and value difference reflected in those different worlds. That helps us to realise what wide variety of opportunities exist for us.

Many young people don’t understand how different their lives could be.

If we know more, we’re more enlightened and can better choose the life we wish to have, and find what suits us best.

Breaking the crate.

It might mean challenging the status quo and breaking away from what’s traditionally expected of us.

Sharing examples gives others strength.

This idea came from how much Kaveri learned about other people’s worlds by meeting guests of all ages — from India and around the world—- at Mysore Bed and Breakfast.

I hope this helps broaden her horizons and seize opportunities

Manjula realised — that even with a limited education, from a poor background having experienced so many difficult challenges throughout her life — she could create a wonderful home, share it with people from around the world, become a company director, manage our business and teach a Firangi a thing or two!! (Many things actually)

Manjula continues to give.

Look at what she had to put up with …

Surely you can do better than this!!

Challenge and change

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Or stay the same

The choice is ours, whether it’s on an individual, organisational or societal level.

Some changes come easier then others but let’s stick with the question of — should we challenge and change?

In my view there’s an unequivocal yes.

As an individual and the networks, groups or communities we form, of course we change.

What’s learning if it’s not adopting and adapting to changing situations, and developing new ways of doing things (and thinking!).

Some people and organisations will challenge change and prefer to stick with the status quo.

When that happens, look a little deeper.

What’s their motivation not to want to change? Fear? Retaining or enhancing power?

One of the most important aspects of change is personal development, it helps create who we are.

But it’s also nonsensical to suggest there shouldn’t be change in our wider groups and society

It’s critical that we innovate and adapt, developing the requisite abilities. That might be number one priority.

Well not quite.

Our actual biggest challenge is friction, and by this I mean between people, their organisations, communities, and nations.

We need to develop effective sustainable relationships and to achieve that we need to learn to be kind.

That requires us to see things from the others’ point of view, to communicate, to connect, to be flexible and adapt.

Yes… change, constantly.

Maybe we can actually reduce violent conflict …. Now that would be cool.

So we can choose to change and not be stuck …

… in what previous generations have handed down to us

NOR

…. in our personal experiences and traumas

We can shift.

Simple eh?

Admittedly. It’s not straightforward … No it’s our life long challenge, to choose who we want to be and hopefully find happiness and contentment.

But if we’re not conscious and try we might just lose this lifelong opportunity.

There’s books I’d recommend, in Manjula’s library that help cover this.

So when we next hear someone rejecting change, said in so many ways: ‘that’s not our tradition’, ‘that’s how we do it here’, ‘it’s our culture’ we can’t, etc etc then it’s for the WPB

Ok, that might be a bit harsh, at least dive into more reflection and re-evaluation.

– Are our ways of thinking and doing fit for purpose anymore?

– Is it appropriate in this day and age?

Now that’s maybe opened a reactionary can-of-worms.

The following books are in Manjula’s library.

You might also want to check Vedanta! Perhaps recommend a book for the library.

Precious moments

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After watching Ina’s family’s celebration of her life, (funeral).

I’m reminded to try and always leave meeting someone with warmth and care as it might be the last time we see them. I did with Ina but still need reminding to always be attentive, kind and share compassion.

Ina connected kindly with everyone she met, including Billet-Doux
Ina brought cuttings of Manjula’s fave plants
Ina was a Buddhist.
Sensitive to ageing Lucie, Ina bought her a special mattress
Tanuja, Ina and Sowbaghya
That’ll do nicely, Lucie appreciates her comforting gift (having taken over the downstairs floor) and can pretend she’s the queen, when the cat’s not around.
The two big buddies. Manjula and Ina who just might already be having a gas, a great time together, as souls who will reconnect.

There’s more about Ina here

Each year we will do Puja for MAnjula and Ina to help their spirits ‘on the way’ to their new lives.

Language of love

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A recent arrival at Manjula’s Library.

There’s a short chapter on ‘the language of love’ my reaction is not surprising, given the subject.

It happens ‘sometimes’. …

There’s a physical tightening of the stomach and a sort of shift in the eyes and forehead leading to the feeling of tears welling and a teeny moisturising of the eyes. I’m still making my way through the fantasy fairground tunnel of love slowly through the thick mud of grief gravy. Whilst I’ll never get to the end I need to ensure I break into the positive memory zones and rediscover tolerance.

On the way I’m reminded of previous moments of our wonderful life that I was lucky enough to share with my MAnjula.

Her love was constant (probably) and consistent built on her strengths of attentiveness and presence. I love her more as I’m share more of its layers passing through this crazy tunnel.

I realise that I’ve written this with John Lennon’s Woman playing in the background and it all started with you are my sunshine.

Lyrics below

Woman
I can hardly express
My mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness
After all, I’m forever in your debt

And woman
I will try to express
My inner feelings and thankfulness
For showing me the meaning of success

…

Woman
I know you understand
The little child inside the man
Please remember, my life is in your hands

And woman
Hold me close to your heart
However distant, don’t keep us apart
After all, it is written in the stars

…

woman
Please let me explain
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain
So let me tell you again and again and again

I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever

——-

You are my sunshine

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy 
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take 
My sunshine away

The other night, dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you 
In my arms
When I awoke, dear
I was mistaken
So I hung my head and cried

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy 
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take 
My sunshine away

The sweet-ish sisters ..

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… Leave for two nights with Kaveri’s mum.

It’s been the usual joy having them here for the week.

There’s one more before they return to school and college.

The T-shirt was left as a gift by a recent guest but nicely sums up the impact Manjula’s Mysore wants from our support to them

Footnote

Chandrika has re-utilised the money I’d given them for the auto ride. No surprise there then.

Life’s lessons

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The illusion of control.

I expect I’m doing my usual and stating the bleeding obvious. 

In this unwelcome necessary extraordinary extended period of reflection and potential growth, I realise the greatest challenge. 

Yes it’s about loss and grief, goes without saying, I suppose. 

There’s been many but especially three (many more of course but three for listing here) . Losing someone through splitting up with a lover, second losing Manjula when she died.  Now I’d count my tonic to deal with the grief as the third. It’s not loss but deep down it’s the equivalent. 

So why do I put them together? 

They represent times when I felt unable to do anything … actually experiencing powerlessness, learning lack of control in some situations.

That realisation comes … After a lifetime of reinforced messages that it’s up to us, we’re masters of our own destiny and in control. 

The third example is having the wherewithal to support and guide Kaveri but to realise how handicapped I am in the face of a completely dysfunctional family who don’t understand or care. 

Well done, Farrell — that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into (only yesterday, Kaveri was asking about Laurel and Hardy) — But of course it’s about regaining one’s equilibrium, being positive and constructive, working out the way that works and the benefit I can gain from another of life’s lessons. 

So in a different way, it does depend on how we take it and manage the situation — critically it’s in the eyes of the beholder—and mostly about our relationships. 

So as I said bleeding obvious. 

I send this to you because you might not believe it but you are very important 

As Kaveri knows, BK 

Manjula’s flowers.

Matching Money

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Kaveri is already an ace negotiator

I’ve now agreed to match whatever she saves this (financial) year, with the equivalent each year up until she reaches 21.

We’ve started counting her savings and placed them in a box at my home

That’s now over 5,000Rs from the two years I’ve known her, from selling bracelets at the kids market and generally extorting from the foreigners. 🤔🤭🙂

It’ll be put into a protected account so no one else can get their grubby hands on it.

One of the many many lessons I learned from Manjula is how she experienced people, particularly men but not exclusively, and also family members (and first husband) who would take her money, gold and send her out to the moneylenders to borrow more.

We will have protections in place, help educate Kaveri and hopefully the strong woman I know she will become will help safeguard her as an adult.

…

Plus she’s astute at reminding me of my ‘pearls of wisdom’ when I forget to follow my own advice. So we’ll also keep an eye on each other.

..

So Kaveri… the savings are for you to choose how to use BUT it’s a waste to spend on parties. Leave that until you’re rich.

…

Here’s how we arrived here —- from Facebook