Who adopted who?

… or who’s the boss? Well nobody really.

I refer to how kaveri (age 11) who in a little over three years has matured mentally, physically and socially. It is, of course, a very significant stage in life.

Kaveri (age 11) today with her mum Chandrika at a wedding of a member of the extended family in the village

As you can see she now almost as tall as her mum (age 29?).

I’m proud of her and the little help I’ve been able to be.

Early days, just a little girl, shortly before her eighth birthday.

On reflection, she’s always been quite ‘together’ for her age.

Off to school with her auntie (aka sister)

She’s just about to start her third school since I’ve known her. I’ve promised that Manjula’s Mysore will continue to support her education up to university and maybe beyond.

Kaveri, Lucie and I

I’m — as Kaveri puts it — one of her nine mums.

Remembering MAnjula

The house hosts her presence in every room (and outside).

Sowbaghya and I have kept the Bed and Breakfast as she envisioned it and even have a library named after her.

Our children’s and education section.

Our guests love meeting her. she even gets mentioned in our guest book

images of MAnjula and Lucie decorating the fan switch!!

At least once a year I bring out this image in memory of my beautiful MAnjula. It’s just for a few days. I started by cycling her around Mysore, at other times she’ll be in the memorial garden we created for her in the park or resting in our drive. Otherwise she’s stored in the Garage.

Unfortunately, you can’t please all the people all time. Some people you never can.

My insensitive neighbour complained that the image of MAnjula was outside and should be indoors. It’s a Hindu rule. I know there’s no such rule or if there is it’s often not followed. People remember their loved ones with posters around the streets or images in the newspaper.

He represents the brahminical elitism that can sometimes rear its ugly head (read your ‘games people play’). He’s even complained about the boys and girls sitting on the park benches that I’ve installed. It’s as if the Firangi (foreigner) is responsible for people’s behaviour. His prejudices are mildly entertaining but we generally ignore him.

PS

As AI tells us on the internet

The saying “Guest is God” (Atithi Devo Bhava in Sanskrit) is a core principle in Indian culture, emphasizing the importance of hospitality and treating guests with respect. While the saying is rooted in tradition and spiritual significance, the reality is that it’s not always a practical or realistic expectation, especially in modern life

You could say that ….

Experiencing Mysore

Mysore is a connecting place, social entrepreneurs, community animateurs are forever initiating new ideas to bring us together.

Sriranjini Simha kindly invited me to experience mysore. Well I have been doing that for twenty years, initially on holidays and now as resident with our own business. But joking aside this was an invite to a new initiative that is actually called ‘Experience Mysuru’ and I’m so pleased I checked it out.

I’ve always thought that the Mysore city feels more like a village, by that I mean : it has an intimacy, interactivity, on a human scale. Well ‘Experience Mysuru’ reflects exactly that. Mysore has a well deserved reputation as a cultural capital that was fantastically represented last night..

The ‘showcase’ was curated to reveal through the senses of taste, hearing, smell, touch and sight and included: yoga and meditation, ancient board games, percussion, storytelling, dance, music and singing. To be more precise — Chande: the pulse of Karavali, Bharatanatyam, Carnatic music and Kamsale— come find out for yourselves what it is. 

I can’t say performers, yes they shared, their skills, they entertained but it went beyond that. Each person introduced their activity to ‘get beneath the skin’ they fitted all this in to just 120 minutes and it was not crammed. It was exactly right, the timing, the diversity, the interactive-ness, the rich content, their expertise, I’ve got to know Mysore a bit over the years but this brought me to so many new layers and levels.

Well done team, we’re rightly proud of our heritage and this was a great way to share with young and old, local and not so local, and I’ll be back..

Great to catch up with established and meet new friends.

Thank you Kim Kanchana Ganga, Tanushri SN, Shrimathi and her team, Pranav Athrey’s-Pranav Athreya, Suraksha Dixit, Tejashri Murphy, Pushpa and her team… plus the managers and organisers behind the scenes that put it all together and made it go so smoothly…..

More info 

http://www.experiencemysuru.in 

0091 8105318650

Info@experiencemysuru.in

@experiencemysuru.in

The venue was the amazing The Heritage House in Saraswathipuram  

I’ll write separately about Mysore – Mysuru, about the city’s name and history but this is not the place. 

Snow fall, not really.

Ruth is a poet from the U.K.

A guest of Mysore Bed and Breakfast who has become a good friend.

Not only that she’s actually published books of poetry and some of her poems are about India and her early years living here.

Outside our house

Check Ruth’s latest poem, you’ll realise why I show this image.

Here
Manjula with Lucie and her tree.

Precious permanent memories

Maïlis has been with us now for almost two months. She’s really got into Mysore, become part of our little community and created a wide range of exciting experiences for herself.

I was invited by her wonderful new friends Pravallika and Cade to visit and find out where they’re learning to carve.

At this family workshop they’re famous for carving significant statues and especially Rama for the new Ayodya Temple

But there was a great big surprise waiting for me.

Maïlis as her very first project had carved our Lucie in stone

How wonderful is that?

Just one month ago Lucie gave up, she’d had too much after managing so well with a painful hip and difficulties with her kidneys. She was strong and brave and her gentle friendly nature had helped her connect with thousands of our guests.

… and a cat

A fantastic image of our precious family member which now has pride of place in our upstairs lounge.

We’re all impressed.

Research

If I can find a guide (supervisor?) I hope to do a PhD

I’m about to ask people at the university if they can help. 

A big challenge is to work out what type of research to use and what to study, especially as I tend to cut across disciplines. 

But I wonder if I can find someone to help me do a PhD using the sort of research I prefer?

I’ve researched things before but not what we normally associate with (empirical) more traditional scientific research; which starts with some assumptions (such as a hippopotamus sorry hypothesis), then you go gather information to check them out, analyse and conclude. That will indicate if you agree with the assumption or reject it. Hopefully at some point it leads to action. 

I understand why it’s done that way but — my attempts have been a bit different to that — a bit more ‘off the wall’.

In the late 80s we used public meetings, market research panels, a reference group and interviews to find out disabled people’s wants and needs and then writing a business plan from what we learned. This enabled us to reorganise their services provided by the local authority (like a city corporation/council), using the money, the best way

It was called LEVEL BEST. We organised a conference to share our work.

Later, I read a book ‘Being Digital’ by Negroponte about the internet and the future of technology. We wanted to help all the communities to access the internet so invented — ‘cyber coffee morning’ — which was an introduction to the world-wide-web a year or so after it was launched. We set up a team, and delivered it to hundreds of people in the locality. People loved it. My MPhil (critical management) research was to learn about how a project develops, the key roles people take on and what motivates them. I was in and amongst what was happening and changed things in real time depending upon what I learned.

I’ve used the knowledge from that research in many ways, since then. This projects title was CYBER CITIZENS.

Career-wise, it helped me shift from being a manager in government to be a facilitator and consultant with multi-national companies. 

A few years later I was asked to work in a small town to help bring people and organisations together. I facilitated it on behalf of the council to help respond to the community needs in our planning, help organisations collaborate and respond by developing new projects and practices.

A challenge for all governments is to develop continuing relationships with its voters between elections. Things change so quickly and representation needs to be supplemented. As I began the project I was interviewed by the local journalist. He asked me how I’d decide what projects and ways of consulting I’d develop. My response was that I’d try different things and go with what worked. Over thirty years later some of the projects are still going strong. That’s a form of action research. It was called CANDo

I develop slogans and brands and my methods are most like market research which always involves action and continual analysis. I was often the participant who is constantly observing and analysing with groups and networks to advise and support 

All of my research has been ‘suck it and see’ and actually sometimes lead to quick responsive action.

It’s usually been about …

Creating opportunities to involve stakeholders (those with interest and influence) and making things happen, as we go along. That’s not waiting for wisdom to be handed down.  

If I even go back to my earliest jobs after graduating I supported groups of young people who were ‘in care’ to share their opinions with their social workers, helped develop half way houses to help them develop the skills to become independent. This was critical as many had lived in institutions.

I became coordinator of Notting Hill Social Council continuing their work from the 50s. This involved working with the diverse communities (African Caribbean, Moroccan, Indian sub continent, Filipino peoples) to raise people’s voices, influence the council and develop community responses

It’s probably no accident that I’ve facilitated workshops in London for over twelve years based on developing values based organisations built on  stakeholder engagement.

When I helped organise events in India starting in 2006 we created interactive experiences  with Indian communities for company directors from multi-national companies to learn and inform their business strategy. I featured pukar at the first of these events as they followed a similar approach to mine https://pukar.org.in in engaging stakeholders. 

So, I’ve done lots of research but usually through the active engagement of the communities themselves.

I wonder if I can find someone who help me do a PhD using the approach I have experience of: participant observer, dialogue, reflection, real time action?

I hope so.

This idea of doing a PHD isn’t really new, in some ways I’ve been building up to it for years. In each of my roles I’ve tried to help people learn by doing and becoming active participants. More recently it’s arisen from Manjula Mysore’s support to young people through creativity days, reflective space and the sponsorship of Naveen and Kaveri.

It’ll somehow relate to this.

It also reflects the work I first stared on my BA in the 1970s 

I just hope I can find someone at the university who will support a slightly different approach.

So what will it be about?

Watch this space. 

Farewell Lucie

Last Sunday was already busy. 

The BnB was full. 

Two sets of guests leaving and two more arriving. Four of us visiting Kaveri’s school for the republic day celebrations.

Kaveri was superb as the narrator of the skit.. surely a coincidence that it had a demo against the English, demanding they leave the country. 

🤪🤔🤭

Of course it was. 

and singing

It was not to be a quiet day.  

Mailis kindly agreed to go with our driver Akram to take Lucie to the vet hospital, whilst I fulfilled my Kaveri duty. 

Lucie has attended daily for the past week to be put on a drip (clean out her kidneys?) and be pumped full of drugs. It was worth a try but it’s not made much difference and then on the Saturday evening she seemed far far worse. She had difficulty standing or walking or did endless turns to lower herself and sit down. She even slipped out of the house and through the gate, which has not been allowed for some time now.  

I looked all over to for her. Eventually finding her at the front of the house, beneath our lovely tree on a pile of leaves. 

Exactly the sort of tree that MAnjula imagined being reincarnated as, because it sheltered and supported people.  

She was always — attentive, present and above all — kind

I expect it was looking for the comfort that attracted Lucie but I imagine her collapsing as she’d lost the energy to do much else. She knew and had gone to ground. 

And … Manjula continues to support us all. 

I thought I just heard Lucie clicking as she dragged herself up the stairs.

Not to be. 

I explained to Kaveri that her good friend was finding life too much. I left her in tears — but comforted by each other —-at the end of her star performance  

We grow closer with every shared experience

I leave for Leela the animal hospital. Madan, the founder reveals that we could continue to wash out her kidney (or liver? I’m already in a daze) but that seems pointless. He’s being kind.

It’s time.

She’s even had a couple of fits. 

I sign the document. I continue to hold and comfort her. I want to be with her as it’s best. She relaxes and her eyes glaze. 

Goodbye my precious friend.

It’s been a year since she’s found the stairs a little challenging. I would joke about installing a stair-lift! — we’d worked it out, but for no longer. 

We all have to adjust, again

Girls are back in town

Radhika was 17 this week so with Kaveri back for a skating race we made Sunday into an extra celebration.

Happy Birthday

Radhika B Radical

Skating and school was tiring
Radical’s fiancée did the honours and it now lives in what’s fast becoming Kaveri and Radhika’s room at the BnB
In my role as one of Kaveri’s extra mums I’m finding the best moisturiser.

Kaveri grows fast.

Birthday happening

Well if ‘last’ years birthday is anything to go by I’ve fully localised.

31st December can seem a weird day for a birthday. Or maybe not.

Endings and beginnings

There’s always multiple celebrations

It was wonderful.

A steady stream of lovely friends making it a day to remember.

Plus my girls were here (kaveri and Radhika) having missed Christmas together, we shifted Christmas to the morning and began my birthday at noon 12.35 sharp 🤭

and Rinkal and Sheetal are seriously becoming an integral part of the team. Welcome to you.

and I became Pinocchio, it was my alternative to being fed cake… repeatedly.

Next morning

Radhika borrows one of Kaveri’s Christmas presents They are ‘sisters’, you’ll understand.
Lucie prepares to go to the vets.

Happy New Year.

How amazingly

fortunate am I?

A beautiful wife — of many wonders — one of my many gifts from India.

Now in addition to my MAnjula

memories living

in my heart there’s a little thing

Helping fill my life and manage my grief …

Putting it in its place. …

Thank you

MAnjula and Kaveri.