Category: Kaveri

a man, his dog a girl and a tree

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Yesterday evening as I was waiting outside a shop selling dots for one’s forehead —

—Manjula used to give them as gifts as we travelled through England—

A woman asked where she was.

I pointed to, inside the shop and after a perplexed reaction, realised she wasn’t asking about the little girl (Kaveri) or Manjula, for that matter, but the dog (Lucie).

The girl was stocking up for the return to school.

I’m well known in my area and in Mysore generally but usually because of my appendage.

I am nothing, not even a number.

…

I once walked into a hotel (restaurant) right on the other side of the city, for the waiter to ask me where’s the dog. He also lived in Siddarthanagar.

So I’m well known for who I’m with …

As of this morning, as I realise, I stick out like a sore thumb as generally there’s rarely other firangis (foreigners) here. There’s a new appendage.

A tree

As I was tossing and turning in the midst of my AWOL, nightly sleep I realised there was only this morning for me to be able to decorate the tree for Christmas.

Kaveri will be going back to school.

Kaveri is here for less than 24 hours and we’ve decorated it together for the past three years since we met. I’ll not see her again until a few days after Christmas Day when we’ll belatedly celebrate Christmas.

A bit too late to do the tree

Plus our usual totem is now too big and heavy for the hall aka lounge.

What to do?

Easy

Get up before the girls and after walking as man and dog, I go out again, to the nearest ‘nursery’. It’s run by guys from UP on the roadside. I haggle with them from the Firangi-Gora (white) — tax – price, to something resembling the price a local would pay. About half.

Then as I’m trudging home— convincing myself that I’m exercising my muscle diminishing 60+ years arms —- with very regular rests. I realised I’m another spectacle of the foreigner ‘variety’ who is entertaining the locals, especially the men at the chai shop and the women sweeping the streets. They’re interested as no one can possibly work out why the rich foreigner is carrying a tree and not using an auto rickshaw.

A wonderful young man, rescues me from the ordeal of the last stretch, stops for me to balance precariously on the back of his bike and gets me home.

I’ve become the foreigner, not only with dog and girl but now the tree

It suits me

…

Ok it doesn’t look very heavy but the weight is in the pot.

It’s now decorated.

But now the cats eyeing it up, for a potential attack thankfully for the moment she seems satisfied with the empty decoration boxes.

Important Rituals and fun things.

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October update.

We have our fair share of things we do … at Mysore Bed and Breakfast.

Here we commemorate MAnjula and help her spirit find its new body.

We’re outside discreetly waiting while her spirit feeds.
As we re-enter the house we make noise so she knows to leave.

Support Kaveri in Manjula’s name and share her sunshine

Go cycling with our guests

Ask the goddess to make our ‘tools’ work for the next year

That’s MAnjula

“There are some people who have sun inside them.
It’s hard to explain.
Their presence just brightens, it’s not about their beautiful smiles.
They have an internal being that sheds light and feels like sun.
It’s a calm energy. Inner peace.
But most importantly; it’s not wanting anything back in return.
It’s sun.”

— Unknown 🎀

As is this …..

We even invented a sun cake.

Awards

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Everyone who visits Mysore Bed and Breakfast deserves an award, partly because they’ve tolerated me and also missed MAnjula.

Some people go above and beyond such as …

Ina visited every year and became our biggest and closest friend. Here she’s sharing memories about MAnjula.

Her award is for constantly reminding me of the wonderfulness of MAnjula, visiting us each year and being a solid support after ‘losing’ MAnjula.

Please meet Ina

Tom and Amy, also became wonderful supportive friends being part of our life, through many visits and helping me in so many ways including at short notice, visiting to support me after MAnjula died.

To MAnjula for filling up my life.

She adapted the ‘glass half full’ saying to full full.

Florian a good friend who recently returned to Mysore from Germany for some bizarre reason has read the blog site. He’s commended for fighting his way through that jungle.

Scary

Kaveri for being my adopted granddaughter who miraculously popped into my life and with her fab character reminds me so much of MAnjula. She could have been our daughter. Here’s a video taken shortly after we met.

… and a thank you to the many people who’ve found us via the net and just said hello in the street, at a hotel, or visited us, particularly those who attend our reflective space event or come to stay in our home.

We couldn’t, of course, forget Lucie and Billet-Doux.

or Sowbaghya (aka SB) who

manages everything

Seen here with Ina

The very first reward was given fourteen years ago and still hangs in Manjula’s Library.

The T shirt was a later addition after I knew we’d fallen in love

The sweet-ish sisters ..

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… Leave for two nights with Kaveri’s mum.

It’s been the usual joy having them here for the week.

There’s one more before they return to school and college.

The T-shirt was left as a gift by a recent guest but nicely sums up the impact Manjula’s Mysore wants from our support to them

Footnote

Chandrika has re-utilised the money I’d given them for the auto ride. No surprise there then.

Life’s lessons

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The illusion of control.

I expect I’m doing my usual and stating the bleeding obvious. 

In this unwelcome necessary extraordinary extended period of reflection and potential growth, I realise the greatest challenge. 

Yes it’s about loss and grief, goes without saying, I suppose. 

There’s been many but especially three (many more of course but three for listing here) . Losing someone through splitting up with a lover, second losing Manjula when she died.  Now I’d count my tonic to deal with the grief as the third. It’s not loss but deep down it’s the equivalent. 

So why do I put them together? 

They represent times when I felt unable to do anything … actually experiencing powerlessness, learning lack of control in some situations.

That realisation comes … After a lifetime of reinforced messages that it’s up to us, we’re masters of our own destiny and in control. 

The third example is having the wherewithal to support and guide Kaveri but to realise how handicapped I am in the face of a completely dysfunctional family who don’t understand or care. 

Well done, Farrell — that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into (only yesterday, Kaveri was asking about Laurel and Hardy) — But of course it’s about regaining one’s equilibrium, being positive and constructive, working out the way that works and the benefit I can gain from another of life’s lessons. 

So in a different way, it does depend on how we take it and manage the situation — critically it’s in the eyes of the beholder—and mostly about our relationships. 

So as I said bleeding obvious. 

I send this to you because you might not believe it but you are very important 

As Kaveri knows, BK 

Manjula’s flowers.

Matching Money

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Kaveri is already an ace negotiator

I’ve now agreed to match whatever she saves this (financial) year, with the equivalent each year up until she reaches 21.

We’ve started counting her savings and placed them in a box at my home

That’s now over 5,000Rs from the two years I’ve known her, from selling bracelets at the kids market and generally extorting from the foreigners. 🤔🤭🙂

It’ll be put into a protected account so no one else can get their grubby hands on it.

One of the many many lessons I learned from Manjula is how she experienced people, particularly men but not exclusively, and also family members (and first husband) who would take her money, gold and send her out to the moneylenders to borrow more.

We will have protections in place, help educate Kaveri and hopefully the strong woman I know she will become will help safeguard her as an adult.

…

Plus she’s astute at reminding me of my ‘pearls of wisdom’ when I forget to follow my own advice. So we’ll also keep an eye on each other.

..

So Kaveri… the savings are for you to choose how to use BUT it’s a waste to spend on parties. Leave that until you’re rich.

…

Here’s how we arrived here —- from Facebook

Welcoming Ganesh

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The shopper (yes me) bought two Ganesh’s from the local pot shop. One will join the family and the other will go for a swim in the Kaveri river.

Well that was a journey and a half. Carrying this ‘Bobby Dazzler’ home, just round the corner but he was so heavy. So regular rests were called for.

No idea why I decided to head butt him, I can’t remember it guv. Honest.

Now we’ve got the less dressed Ganesh and his mum Gowrie (Gaurie) at home for this years festivities.

After a spell at home, in the puja room and lots to eat, we’ll take him for a swim in the Kaveri river.

Kaveri’s school innovates.

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Kaliyuvamane

A statement from the founder Ananth Kumar

We are very happy that children are enthusiastically flocking around Mr. Rajesh Madhavan, Theatre Director, a product of ‘Ninasam’ – Theatre Institute, who is staying on the campus.

Our sincere gratitude to ‘Nirdiganta’ for opting ‘Kaliyuva Mane’ for their 6 months’ programme, ‘Shala Rangavikasa’ (ಶಾಲಾ ರಂಗವಿಕಾಸ). Hope this will enhance the emotional stability, imagination and expression of children.

Please watch the video:

This is the school Kaveri attends.

It’s providing innovative ways to help the children become more confident and develop competencies to help tackle life’s challenges whilst fulfilling their potential.

It’s a great example of how Kaliyuvamane School has a different approach which goes beyond traditional schooling.

Supported by our guests.

I’m back in Mysore

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To meet my queens (both sets)

What’s one of the first things they want to do on my return?

Go for a walk

After a lovely time in Italy with Maria

With plenty of lovely food …

They want pizza….

And presents

and to watch the movies…

I’m so lucky to have them in my life…

Growth post trauma

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I like this edition from Maria Popova…

“A person is not a potted plant of predetermined personality but a garden abloom with the consequences of chance and choice that have made them who they are, resting upon an immense seed vault of dormant potentialities. At any given moment, any seed can sprout — whether by conscious cultivation or the tectonic tilling of some great upheaval or the composting of old habits and patterns of behavior that fertilize a new way of being. Nothing saves us from the tragedy of ossifying more surely than a devotion to regularly turning over the soil of personhood so that new expressions of the soul can come abloom.”

John Gardner on the Key to Self-Renewal Across Life and the Art of Making Rather Than Finding Meaning

We’re multidimensional and can grow in any number of directions. As I’m continually tangled in the survival of life’s challenges especially the grief that knows no name, I like this perspective. To me it links with the Buddhist concept of feeding the seeds, it reflects there is choice and opportunity in making ourselves what we want and need to be.

It’s no accident that I’m reflecting on this the day after Kaveri has returned to school. She represents a bountiful section of the new garden..

I wish MAnjula’s presence and attentive love was physically with me to help with the gardening. We’ll all manage together, in this new chapter.