Somehow, I don’t think my trademark— facilitating — is going to work in this situation.
After two days of chaos, we need a new approach. So ….
… we cleaned up the mess
Sowbaghya did a sterling job with my pathetic assistance.
Then some changes..
meals at regular timings, immediately clearing up their mess as soon as they deposit it, more suitable food for young pups, visiting the park to play and poo, and positive encouragement.
Footnote
I keep getting stopped in the street by people in our community who spotted us in ‘The Star of Mysore’
Plus odd stares as we walk into the park with the nameless
Ganesh, originally bought from the stone carvers in Tamil Nadu with representations of — (from the left) the moon, earth and sun.
I’ve adapted one of his key stories to share with Kaveri and Radhika.
It traditionally goes like this …
Ganesh and his brother have a race round the world to prove who’s fastest.
If we were asked to predict who would win we’d think his brother, as Ganesh aka Ganpati isn’t lithe and doesn’t look fit. Plus .. He eats a lot!
His brother is shocked to find Ganesh already there when he breathlessly reaches the finishing line.
It turns out Ganesh raced around his world (his parents) and his brother raced around the whole world (planet earth).
My addition.
There’s no right or wrong here, both raced around important worlds. Fact is — we occupy many worlds— at school, where we live, amongst our friends, work. It’s important for us to realise these different worlds — an understanding of which — helps us realise how people see things differently.
Only then … can we — Be Kind— (a regular message to Kaveri), as that depends on us understanding how each person sees things. No point ‘being kind’ in ways that ‘the other’ person doesn’t value or recognise.
Manjula’s Library
Factoid !?
Kartikeya ), also known as Skanda, Subrahmanya, Shanmukha and Murugan, is the Hindu god of war. He is generally described as the son of the deities Shiva and Parvati and the brother of Ganesha.
Lifted off the t’internet
All images are in Mysore Bed and Breakfast but non of his brother as he’s still racing around the world.
As I’ve paddled my boat through the grief gravy the layers of Manjula’s love become more apparent. I learn more everyday from her life.
“But when you want to gain love through success, it cannot be achieved through anything quantifiable. The people that will be crying when you depart the world are not doing so because of any number that is tied to your name. They are doing so because you were a loving partner, a caring friend, or a shepherd of kindness. You are dearly missed not because of what you’ve earned, but because of what you represented.”
I expect I’m doing my usual and stating the bleeding obvious.
In this unwelcome necessary extraordinary extended period of reflection and potential growth, I realise the greatest challenge.
Yes it’s about loss and grief, goes without saying, I suppose.
There’s been many but especially three (many more of course but three for listing here) . Losing someone through splitting up with a lover, second losing Manjula when she died. Now I’d count my tonic to deal with the grief as the third. It’s not loss but deep down it’s the equivalent.
So why do I put them together?
They represent times when I felt unable to do anything … actually experiencing powerlessness, learning lack of control in some situations.
That realisation comes … After a lifetime of reinforced messages that it’s up to us, we’re masters of our own destiny and in control.
The third example is having the wherewithal to support and guide Kaveri but to realise how handicapped I am in the face of a completely dysfunctional family who don’t understand or care.
Well done, Farrell — that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into (only yesterday, Kaveri was asking about Laurel and Hardy) — But of course it’s about regaining one’s equilibrium, being positive and constructive, working out the way that works and the benefit I can gain from another of life’s lessons.
So in a different way, it does depend on how we take it and manage the situation — critically it’s in the eyes of the beholder—and mostly about our relationships.
So as I said bleeding obvious.
I send this to you because you might not believe it but you are very important
Maria checks that I’m properly equipped for the day ahead.
Maria first visited Mysore five years ago, a few months after I lost MAnjula.
I’m on my annual trip to the U.K. but Maria had noticed I was coming and sent an invite for me to visit her in Italy
This wonder puts me up at her house, ferries me around, provides simple sophisticated food, takes me on day trips, guides me on walks, introduces me to her fab friends, provides happy insights into her own life and Italianeeeeez.
Maria is a good example of the lovely people that visit Mysore Bed and Breakfast but she’s even more special.
I’m trying to emphasise BK with Kaveri who can quickly tell me what it means: Be Kind.
Well Maria is overflowing with kindness.
Not just in hosting me…
That’s nothing by comparison with the total package …
…. she goes way beyond the stereotypical caring mama … to be a caring precious friend.
She has a social conscience reflected in the life she leads and her work in helping others to flourish through the organisations she sets up and the services they provide. She lives and breaths this throughout her living.
She’ll be revisiting Mysore again in August to undertake training as a yoga teacher and look forward to her becoming Kaveri’s Italian auntie.
I’m honoured to count Maria as an important person in my life, a cherished friend.
Footnote
She claims I photograph her as much as her dad (I think mine capture her essence as I’m certain her dad does) but she’s tolerant and I love that she’s my friend.
….
Thank you Maria for a happy time and the closeness we’ve established. I look forward to more to come.
A critical (focussed on wish fulfilment) part of our growing team set out on a search today
Satish was captain, Sowbaghya was translator-leader-investigator, Stephen was only half there.
Behind the scenes were Sarvesh (the facilitator) and Radhika (auntie) offering support.
The subject was an increasingly well known girl.
I returned to Mysore almost three weeks ago and last week went to visit kaveri.
I was a bit confused finding their house but eventually got there with the kind help of a shopkeeper.
Only to find they’d moved. What?!
They’re estranged from grandmother, grandfather, auntie and uncle who live in a room opposite our house who had no idea where they’d gone. The area yes, but the specific house, no way Jose. To top it all chandrika’s phone wasn’t working, so they weren’t contactable.
The last I saw Kaveri with her Mum Chandrika, in June, before leaving for my travels
So what to do?
Rhadika knew she was at school through a friend who’s sister attended the same school. She couldn’t help on action day as she was ill.
So SB volunteered for mission impossible.
To Infiltrate the school.
The aforementioned team set off across the city after sorting out the confusion of where and what time to go to find Kaveri as she finished her school day.
The white old man waited discreetly in Satish’s auto rickshaw. It’s not done for old men to be hanging around school gates, even in India.
Got her
She arrived at the auto, with a steady stream of her friends passing by with her declaring ‘foreign uncle,’ as if this was the necessary proof as previously they hadn’t believed her.
Any low profile was lost.
But what a result. We’d found her, went to their new home, met up with mum and dad got agreement for her to spend the weekend over with us and the about to arrive Ina.
She’ll also stay with grandma on the Saturday
So my reward is seeing my adopted granddaughter and we’re tentatively building bridges between family break up.
Great things happen unexpectedly, just when you need them.
I’d just finished packing my bags, here in Vancouver, ready for the flight back to London, when Sharon — a friend of my son Oliver — came calling to say farewell.
What a wonderful surprise.
To be able to have an open conversation of the trials and tribulations of dealing with our lifelong unwanted friend yes….. grief
No one can ever know what it’s like for another but we’ve come pretty close.
It isn’t about ‘getting over it’ … both of us remember and celebrate — not only in our hearts — but also the physical reminders, the photos, the wonderfulness and the flotsam of souls grown together. We have both kept our original house and are surrounded by the loved one we fondly remember, deal with the difficult times, but also continue to laugh together.
Potable water at drinking fountains for people and dogs. Thinking about children and not driving rashly. Cycle routes and quiet, slow roads. Buttons to change the lights to cross the road safely. Cars stopping at the lights and not over the line. Rubbish/litter bins with a shelf for recycling items which poor people collect and sell.
Drivers keep to the lane and stop for pedestrians at zebra crossings and side roads.
Saying sorry and carrying cycles on the front of buses. Guests of Mysore Bed and Breakfast that welcome you into their home…. even after getting to know me.
Considerate Canadians helping out.
That’s nice.
Postscript
While I was out and preparing this posting someone came round (or maybe overnight) and stole Trixie, my new friend. So not all Canadians are good apples.
Me and MYCycle 