Tag: Kaveri

What next?

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Be prepared. There maybe a few postings about —- what next? I’ve adopted India as my home for sixteen years after first visiting twenty years ago and connecting with India from a distance in the 1970s.

Let’s not forget, I’ve been so lucky and—- i fell in love with the most amazing woman — MAnjula. But I’m slowly getting the message that I’m not wanted anymore (if I’ve ever been) and maybe just maybe I need to think afresh and try something new.

It’s not the people of India.

They are very friendly and welcoming. I’ve been and continue to be very happy here. I want to stay here and retire here.

It’s the system.

I’ve lived here on a business visa, all this time. It’s now getting increasingly difficult to do that. I’ve failed to get OCI supposedly because MAnjula died yet I’ve heard others have it in similar circumstances but in other parts of the country. I’ve tentatively tried other things and keep hitting (soft) brick walls.

It’s tiring.

When I first posted this on Facebook a friend reacted and introduced me to someone who might be able to help. We’re in discussion now.

As I reach 69 in a few weeks I recognise I can’t keep moving. I may have only moved here sixteen years ago but it feels like it’s always been my home.

If I must leave, I must, but my particular concern is my desire to continue to support and help Kaveri grow to her full potential. She really is like my daughter.

That’s my biggest worry.

As MAnjula, my muse,would say: ‘let’s see’

Who adopted who?

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… or who’s the boss? Well nobody really.

I refer to how kaveri (age 11) who in a little over three years has matured mentally, physically and socially. It is, of course, a very significant stage in life.

Kaveri (age 11) today with her mum Chandrika at a wedding of a member of the extended family in the village

As you can see she now almost as tall as her mum (age 29?).

I’m proud of her and the little help I’ve been able to be.

Early days, just a little girl, shortly before her eighth birthday.

On reflection, she’s always been quite ‘together’ for her age.

Off to school with her auntie (aka sister)

She’s just about to start her third school since I’ve known her. I’ve promised that Manjula’s Mysore will continue to support her education up to university and maybe beyond.

…

Kaveri, Lucie and I

I’m — as Kaveri puts it — one of her nine mums.

Love

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One of the first pictures Kaveri (aged eight) created after she came to the house and felt MAnjula’s love

Marginalian

Comes up trumps again with great literary, political and philosophical connections.

I like her quote from Simone de Beauvoir

What then is love? Not much, not much; I come back to this idea. Sensitivity, imagination, fatigue, and this effort to depend on another; the taste for the mystery of the other and the need to admire… What is worthwhile, is friendship… this profound mutual confidence between [two people], and this joy of knowing that the other exists.

“The ancient Greeks, in their pioneering effort to order the chaos of the cosmos, neatly taxonomized them into filial love (the kind we feel for siblings, children, parents, and friends), eros (the love of lovers), and agape(the deepest, purest, most impersonal and spiritual love).”

I decided that we would continue Manjula’s sunshine goodness, sharing her love, through events and activities for young people.

The most obvious example is our continuing support for Kaveri.

Kaveri’s most recent art from this weeks summer camp
She also leaves me little messages.

a man, his dog a girl and a tree

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Yesterday evening as I was waiting outside a shop selling dots for one’s forehead —

—Manjula used to give them as gifts as we travelled through England—

A woman asked where she was.

I pointed to, inside the shop and after a perplexed reaction, realised she wasn’t asking about the little girl (Kaveri) or Manjula, for that matter, but the dog (Lucie).

The girl was stocking up for the return to school.

I’m well known in my area and in Mysore generally but usually because of my appendage.

I am nothing, not even a number.

…

I once walked into a hotel (restaurant) right on the other side of the city, for the waiter to ask me where’s the dog. He also lived in Siddarthanagar.

So I’m well known for who I’m with …

As of this morning, as I realise, I stick out like a sore thumb as generally there’s rarely other firangis (foreigners) here. There’s a new appendage.

A tree

As I was tossing and turning in the midst of my AWOL, nightly sleep I realised there was only this morning for me to be able to decorate the tree for Christmas.

Kaveri will be going back to school.

Kaveri is here for less than 24 hours and we’ve decorated it together for the past three years since we met. I’ll not see her again until a few days after Christmas Day when we’ll belatedly celebrate Christmas.

A bit too late to do the tree

Plus our usual totem is now too big and heavy for the hall aka lounge.

What to do?

Easy

Get up before the girls and after walking as man and dog, I go out again, to the nearest ‘nursery’. It’s run by guys from UP on the roadside. I haggle with them from the Firangi-Gora (white) — tax – price, to something resembling the price a local would pay. About half.

Then as I’m trudging home— convincing myself that I’m exercising my muscle diminishing 60+ years arms —- with very regular rests. I realised I’m another spectacle of the foreigner ‘variety’ who is entertaining the locals, especially the men at the chai shop and the women sweeping the streets. They’re interested as no one can possibly work out why the rich foreigner is carrying a tree and not using an auto rickshaw.

A wonderful young man, rescues me from the ordeal of the last stretch, stops for me to balance precariously on the back of his bike and gets me home.

I’ve become the foreigner, not only with dog and girl but now the tree

It suits me

…

Ok it doesn’t look very heavy but the weight is in the pot.

It’s now decorated.

But now the cats eyeing it up, for a potential attack thankfully for the moment she seems satisfied with the empty decoration boxes.

I’m back in Mysore

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To meet my queens (both sets)

What’s one of the first things they want to do on my return?

Go for a walk

After a lovely time in Italy with Maria

With plenty of lovely food …

They want pizza….

And presents

and to watch the movies…

I’m so lucky to have them in my life…

Who’d have believed it…

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Four years ago, Lucie is scrounging. Nowadays her access to street food is severely restricted as she’s getting on and sometimes had digestive issues. But this is the beginning of another story.

It was to be another two years before I met another light in my life.

A year later..

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It’s been that long since Kaveri joined Kaliyuvamane

From the very beginning —-Sarvesh (Multi-lingual, typical talented Indian) and I (mono-lingual.. you know the stuff!!) explained to her mum Chandrika the pros and cons of the school:

— it’s small, free to parents, with a good track record from not following the education sausage factory model

— It’s residential, and you’ll only see Kaveri at home a couple of times a month although you can visit as often as you wish.

— as it’s outside the system she can’t easily (if at all) rejoin a mainstream education (it’s an alternative/free school) until age 16

Chandrika and Mani had visited this and one other school I’d suggested and been invited to suggest others.

We did emphasise it was her decision.

She chose Kaliyuvamane.

Personally I liked the school its approach to education and life in general. I think it’s been a great success. The fact that it’s residential, also helps.

BUT over the past few months Kaveri’s mother has changed her mind. She, in any case has difficulty sticking to one thing. She decided to take Kaveri out of the school.

She misses her and wants her to help around the house. Neighbours, employers and others, we don’t really know who, criticise her for ‘giving-up’ her daughter.

It’s been a stressful period to put it mildly.

You’d be forgiven for thinking she’d gone stark raving mad. Everything about Kaveri and her life as improved dramatically. She now the average size for her age, progressed in all her education, had a great confidence, a real star at the school. Ticks in all directions.

So we invited Chandrika, her mum and sister over to my house to decide.

Discussions with grandmother, Radhika and Chandrika.
Trishala and Eregowda very much part of Manjula’s Mysore team. they initiated this meeting and together with our man in Australia brought us to a happy resolution.
From right, Radhika (auntie) , Chandrika (mum) and moi.

Chandrika has agreed to keep Kaveri at Kaliyuvamane. Thanks to everyone in the team, and at Kaliyuvamane. Not forgetting the significant help from Sarvesh, in Australia.

Weekend visitor

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Fourteen hours continuous sleep

After a busy Saturday providing drink, snacks and art at a Padma farm event as member of a team of students from Kaliyuvamane.

Waking to breakfast with our guests from Switzerland

Even earlier, in the morning, Sarvesh had facilitated a meeting between me and Chandrika, Kaveri’s mum to try get her -back on track- to keep Kaveri at the school.

Fingers crossed we’re getting there.

The absolute helpful stars being Radhika,

Kaveri with grandfather, grandmother and Radhika.

who Kaveri calls her sister (actually Auntie and a wonderful friend to us all), and Sarvesh

Saying farewell to Amanda from Switzerland.

Next grandmother travels by bus across city and takes her shopping.

And finally Anni becomes hair stylist.

It feels like I’ve seen Kaveri for about five minutes this weekend (as she falls asleep again in my lap when we go back to school in the auto) but I’m happy that she’s had a great time.

She joins the pantheon of stars in my life.

The brightest star at our first wedding anniversary.