Tag: India

Dharma

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I’ve always had a soft spot for Ashoka who was an innovative Emperor in India over two thousand years ago.

He was the emperor who converted to Buddhism after regretting his army killing thousands in the battle to take over what is now part of the state of Odisha.

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This week, I’m helping Kaveri with her revision and learning about the Dharma Mahamatras, appointed by the emperor to do good.

I like that

I’m feeling the connections

🤭

Look

We’ve even got our own copy of an Ashoka column, in the house. It was one of the ways he promoted good amongst his people.

So maybe I’m a reincarnated Dharma Mahamatras?

I quite fancy that.

Look at the evidence: social and community work, experimenting with participative democracy in England, radical work with disabled people, ‘Seeing is Believing’ events in India to establish community/business partnerships, facilitating the development of hundreds of community projects and groups, in the name of MAnjula helping young and old people and gifting almost 50 bicycles. I even helped design and deliver — for an Indian company — European-wide workshops on interpreting their ethical policies into appropriate daily business behaviour.

Ok ok, that’s enough of the trumpet blaring. It’s important to say we should be facilitators in helping each other.

Farrell factoid footnote.

What’s the difference between illness and wellness?

I and we, admittedly a joke but with a serious message. We should connect and cooperate to be kind to each other. As sapiens we’ve taken a wrong turning.

I’ve always looked for the ‘we’.

This is so obvious to me.

A top priority is ..

.. Kaveri and helping her develop and grow. When you meet her ask what BK is.

Who adopted who?

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… or who’s the boss? Well nobody really.

I refer to how kaveri (age 11) who in a little over three years has matured mentally, physically and socially. It is, of course, a very significant stage in life.

Kaveri (age 11) today with her mum Chandrika at a wedding of a member of the extended family in the village

As you can see she now almost as tall as her mum (age 29?).

I’m proud of her and the little help I’ve been able to be.

Early days, just a little girl, shortly before her eighth birthday.

On reflection, she’s always been quite ‘together’ for her age.

Off to school with her auntie (aka sister)

She’s just about to start her third school since I’ve known her. I’ve promised that Manjula’s Mysore will continue to support her education up to university and maybe beyond.

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Kaveri, Lucie and I

I’m — as Kaveri puts it — one of her nine mums.

Slow realisation

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Sun 26 Jan 

I get home to less.

An abnormal day, amongst the multitude of such days.

But today another family member departed 

As I returned home I slowly realised Lucie would not be here to greet me. 

Sowbaghya had earlier invited our team to pay their respects and fill the house with love, as Lucie began to reach her  last legs. This was, while I was being an attentive ‘parent’ to Kaveri at her school. 

That’s two. 

I’m missing too much …

… there’s a gap which far exceeds their size. Their imprint is ginormous

How amazingly

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fortunate am I?

A beautiful wife — of many wonders — one of my many gifts from India.

Now in addition to my MAnjula

memories living

in my heart there’s a little thing

Helping fill my life and manage my grief …

Putting it in its place. …

Thank you

MAnjula and Kaveri.

Manjula and Ina

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Manjula and Lucie (our dog) Welcoming Ina to our home.

After that first visit she would field questions from our guests who came to share our home — Mysore Bed and Breakfast– were we a couple?

Ina acknowledged before us that we’d fallen in love.

Ina came every year (except during the pandemic) from that first visit, for a total of ten years. She became a very close friend of my wife Manjula and a great support to me helping me grieve Manjula. She was our favourite and most regular guest, here Ina is promoting us with the new mug and proving she became an essential part of the team (furniture!).

The photos are from our last year with Manjula visiting the local Tibetan settlement and Somnathpur Temple. Ina, Manjula, Willan (our workawayer in 2018) and myself, Stephen

I was their sometime chauffeur

Together, celebrating Manjula’s last birthday in 2018

There’s more here including Ina’s visit a month ago

We will miss Ina, a wonderful caring character, who has become part of our life, here in Mysore. After Manjula died she often referred to her as a Lotus who had survived and thrived through the mud. They both radiated their goodness as sisters and had a wicked sense of humour

Ina lit a candle for her and what we’ll do each year is a Puja for both Manjula and Ina to help their spirits find their new home.

Just as we recently did for Manjula

We look forward to meeting again

Stephen

Matching Money

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Kaveri is already an ace negotiator

I’ve now agreed to match whatever she saves this (financial) year, with the equivalent each year up until she reaches 21.

We’ve started counting her savings and placed them in a box at my home

That’s now over 5,000Rs from the two years I’ve known her, from selling bracelets at the kids market and generally extorting from the foreigners. 🤔🤭🙂

It’ll be put into a protected account so no one else can get their grubby hands on it.

One of the many many lessons I learned from Manjula is how she experienced people, particularly men but not exclusively, and also family members (and first husband) who would take her money, gold and send her out to the moneylenders to borrow more.

We will have protections in place, help educate Kaveri and hopefully the strong woman I know she will become will help safeguard her as an adult.

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Plus she’s astute at reminding me of my ‘pearls of wisdom’ when I forget to follow my own advice. So we’ll also keep an eye on each other.

..

So Kaveri… the savings are for you to choose how to use BUT it’s a waste to spend on parties. Leave that until you’re rich.

…

Here’s how we arrived here —- from Facebook

Bring on the Cake.

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The delicious cake complete with family.
Manjula’s Memory Tree decorated with hanging messages and wishes.
Delicious cake didn’t last long devoured by, from left : SB, Ina, Stephen, John and Satish.

Not forgetting Lucie being spoilt by Ina.

And then again, not satisfied with one we had to have another.

This time following the theme of the radiant sun that Manjula brought into our lives and still appears exactly when it’s needed.

Ina worrying the sun is about to explode

Gathered today on Manjula’s bench, next to Manjula’s garden, eating Manjula’s radiantness cake and celebrating her wonderfulness on her 51st birthday celebrations that have already gone on for a week. we have Kaveri, Radhika, Maria, John, Ina, Lucie and Stephen.

Please note Ina is naughty, bribing Lucie for affections with cake.

Italian crazy hair accompanies us to deliver Kaveri back to school.

That’s after Mr No experience was coerced into decorating Kaveri’s palm

Next day

SB couldn’t miss out and had to have more cake….

Yes that’s two pieces. One was supposed to be for her son Naveen.

Happy Birthday.

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I’m in the park to wish Manjula happy birthday and hang out with billet-Doux, butterflies (messengers from Madam) and too many mosquitoes!

Here’s the lovely video created by Faizan through which many old and new friends have met Manjula.

My ulterior motive on being here was to be security for the flowers and stop people stealing them.

I failed

But it can’t affect our celebration of her wonderfulness.

As I completed a video call to my son Oliver in Vancouver, —and realised I was due back to make breakfast—three sets of neighbours walking in the park saw Manjula’s poster and wanted to know her story. I’d never met them before a mom her son , another young woman and an elder.

We all shared smiles and joy.