We celebrate Manjula and our coming together
Tag: grief
It’s three years today….
Manjula and I had our first wedding, the official one in the government office where they exchange contracts on immovable objects. We are undoubtedly immovable objects.
I was age 60 before I got married so there was a big build up and it took some time to move in that direction.
three days later we celebrated and married again in a field
Anita’s Attic
Anita Nair a renowned author here in India has an annual programme ‘Anita’s Attic’ to help up and coming writers.
It’s my new thing, writing. Ha ha says the Yorkshireman, who can’t even speak English.
Our group of ten have just finished the latest programme with each of us reading a short creative piece that we’ve written.
Here’s mine. You can’t escape so easily. 🤭
Do provide critical feedback.
It’s a sign
As they would say in Monty Python’s ‘Life of Brian’
Well I’ve had a few after complaining to Manjula that I’d failed to notice any.
The first major happening was the message delivered by the Dragonfly. I’d hinted enough, not least by having one tattooed onto my shoulder.
She came through, on that one.
Today a brick fell off the wall. This thick one knocked it onto the ground and it broke.
It’s a sign.
So what’s the meaning of this sign? erm…..
Manjula is pissed off with me for not sending a Valentine’s Day message. So she threw the brick at me.
She’s actually gone. As we approach our third wedding anniversary and shortly afterwards the date she slipped through my stubby fingers two sorrowful years ago. Maybe it’s a sign that her soul spirit has found a new home and been reincarnated. It’s a realisation that our attempts to help her move on have worked.
And maybe it’s a crumbling of the wall that’s hemming me in.
Whatever I’ll look on the bright side as this is part of my journey to learn from life’s challenges and realise something or other.
and of course, no matter what she’s still with me….
‘Beloved’ A portrait of Manjula, step-by-step
We have had great feedback about Aadirika’s painting of our beautiful Manjula with requests to see the step-by-step process in one post. Here it is….
Weaves a bridge,
between our worlds.
A bridge made of heart strings,
a bridge of exploration to the multi dimensional.
Manjula’s love for Stephen.
Pierces through the veil,
as a warm ray on a chilly day.
by Aadirika Kawa
It’s a sign, it’s a sign. A message of love.
‘Beloved’
A portrait of Manjula by Aadirika Kawa
Publish and be damned – a plan is forming.
Five things lead to a plan
Missing Manjula. Second Christmas and birthday without her
At today’s writers group a presentation from editor Karthika helped clarify what is possible.
I’ve committed to Manjula to write our story with a working title of Full Full. I’ve completed the first draft of many and feels like I’m building the Taj Mahal out of matchsticks. This will take sometime.
Target date March 2022 to complete story
Launch book by August 2022 on what would have been Manjula’s 49th Birthday
Identify Editor, First Readers, Community Publisher advisor,
Create 2000 person mailing list and feature blog posts to help create interest.
Self publish POD and E book with 1000 sale target
Available in Hebden Bridge U.K. and silverfish (mysore) local bookshops.
Next: consider… additional chapters, Children’s book, Online interactive version
Missing my love.
With me
I’ve reached out to Manjula and I’m disappointed that she’s not appeared, or maybe she has. I know she’s with me. I am surrounded by her image but is that any reason not to commission another?
She once told me a story about hungry ghosts which will feature in our story. I hope she’s not one as we’ve completed the rituals to help her her soul find it’s way to a new home.
I’ve commissioned a painting, of MAnjula and posted for you some of the early stages and a ‘teeny’ example where Lucie appears.
Previous postings of the painting one and two.
There will be more on the 24th and the painting arrives on the 25th. Look out for the star.
A dogs’ life can be good
a present
A beautiful new present slowly evolves. Will it be ready for Christmas Day?
Hug them closer.
I wish I’d discovered this earlier, when Manjula was with me in person.
I realise with Manjula and others I love, that there are often times when I’m — ‘not quite there.’ I have a tendency to distance, to go numb when stressed, withdraw and move to the edge.
On reflection, I think this might be one of my most significant failings. OK OK, queue here to add to the list….. (of significant failings) 😉
Presence Stephen, be there …
Maria Popova’s Brain pickings which arrived in my mail box today, relates to this, and has introduced me to Thich Nhat Hanh.
I love this quote and there is more here, if you’re interested….
…
Some of my friends have been kind enough to share that when I lost Manjula they felt for me and hugged their own loved one closer and tighter.
It’s great that friends gain insights from our loss, which heightens their appreciation of their loved ones now.
….
I”m not sure we can maximise every single day and live it as if its your last (how exhausting) but Thich Nhat Hanh points out that we should strive to be there, to be present and connected to our loved one(s).
I realise, I did what I could in the circumstances but it’s always possible to do more and better.
The intensity of loss highlights how important your love always is and will be, it shows how invaluable is the support you can give each other especially in challenging times.
Manjula continues to give and she was always there and present, remarkably so, more than anyone I’ve known. More in our story, you’ll just have to wait.
I realise now that then you’re shocked by untimely death your love doesn’t perish, it grows in intensity and in a way, absence doesn’t diminish presence.
Her presence is of course beyond all the pics I’ve got around me of Manjula at home or that I occasionally ride through the city 😉 .
…
Me and MYCycle 