Tag: death

Pitru Paksha arrives

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The team puts it all together….

Photos and flowers all lined up …

Manjula’s image complete with Mangal Sutra (wedding necklace) and anklet,

Lucie with collar

and Ina with Momo.

Favourite sweets, jewels, nuts, crunchie, alcohol (shh), clothing, fruits,

Biscuits for Lucie (the shop insisted sugarless is best, let’s not get into the detail that it’s for her spirit), Momo for Ina (her favourite, she has great Tibetan links)

All make their appearance …

But where’s lunch?

Next

Sowbaghya has cooked it, Satish, serves it out. It’ll not be for the crows (sometimes food is placed on the roof or beside the river for the crows to eat ) as they represent the soul of the ‘departed’.

Time for the idler to get dressed in his wedding outfit.

We help their spirits on their journey to whatever’s next.

Stephen.
Satish
Sowbhagya
Vasanth

We then leave the house for their spirits to visit, eat and drink, making lots of noise, as we return, so they know to leave and not get caught out.

Only then can we eat.

I’ve told MAnjula we’re moving to a new house. She’ll be with us.

Factoid

It’s now over six years that Manjula continued her spiritual journey. Each year on her birthday and death anniversary we do puja to help her on her way.

From this year we’ve decided to honour all our departed family members on Pitra Paksha, when everyone does the same.

Precious permanent memories

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Maïlis has been with us now for almost two months. She’s really got into Mysore, become part of our little community and created a wide range of exciting experiences for herself.

I was invited by her wonderful new friends Pravallika and Cade to visit and find out where they’re learning to carve.

At this family workshop they’re famous for carving significant statues and especially Rama for the new Ayodya Temple

But there was a great big surprise waiting for me.

Maïlis as her very first project had carved our Lucie in stone

How wonderful is that?

Just one month ago Lucie gave up, she’d had too much after managing so well with a painful hip and difficulties with her kidneys. She was strong and brave and her gentle friendly nature had helped her connect with thousands of our guests.

… and a cat

A fantastic image of our precious family member which now has pride of place in our upstairs lounge.

We’re all impressed.

Farewell Lucie

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Last Sunday was already busy. 

The BnB was full. 

Two sets of guests leaving and two more arriving. Four of us visiting Kaveri’s school for the republic day celebrations.

Kaveri was superb as the narrator of the skit.. surely a coincidence that it had a demo against the English, demanding they leave the country. 

🤪🤔🤭

Of course it was. 

and singing

It was not to be a quiet day.  

Mailis kindly agreed to go with our driver Akram to take Lucie to the vet hospital, whilst I fulfilled my Kaveri duty. 

…

Lucie has attended daily for the past week to be put on a drip (clean out her kidneys?) and be pumped full of drugs. It was worth a try but it’s not made much difference and then on the Saturday evening she seemed far far worse. She had difficulty standing or walking or did endless turns to lower herself and sit down. She even slipped out of the house and through the gate, which has not been allowed for some time now.  

I looked all over to for her. Eventually finding her at the front of the house, beneath our lovely tree on a pile of leaves. 

Exactly the sort of tree that MAnjula imagined being reincarnated as, because it sheltered and supported people.  

She was always — attentive, present and above all — kind

I expect it was looking for the comfort that attracted Lucie but I imagine her collapsing as she’d lost the energy to do much else. She knew and had gone to ground. 

And … Manjula continues to support us all. 

…

I thought I just heard Lucie clicking as she dragged herself up the stairs.

Not to be. 

I explained to Kaveri that her good friend was finding life too much. I left her in tears — but comforted by each other —-at the end of her star performance  

We grow closer with every shared experience

I leave for Leela the animal hospital. Madan, the founder reveals that we could continue to wash out her kidney (or liver? I’m already in a daze) but that seems pointless. He’s being kind.

It’s time.

She’s even had a couple of fits. 

I sign the document. I continue to hold and comfort her. I want to be with her as it’s best. She relaxes and her eyes glaze. 

Goodbye my precious friend.

It’s been a year since she’s found the stairs a little challenging. I would joke about installing a stair-lift! — we’d worked it out, but for no longer. 

…

We all have to adjust, again

Five years ago

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A light wavered.

It didn’t go out as she’s very much with me.

Todays Pooja

Today on the fifth anniversary of losing her —- physically yes —- but not in any other way.

We remember Manjula

A meal is prepared including all her favourite things.

A packet has to be freshly opened as ‘leftovers’ are not acceptable.

We offer it to her and by praying to her God we help her spirit find her way to the next incarnation.

Getting it

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Poor Sowbaghya has to listen when Lucie has shown me the paw and Billet-Doux treats the place like a hotel.

Are they giving me a not-so-hidden message?

OK, I’ve bored her, explaining how (she knows) I read a lot, so have a broad knowledge (superficial) of many things.

That includes what to do about my current situation.

The problem is : we know stuff but do we act on it? We may have received the information but it’s not sunk in or led to the necessary change.

It’s as if I’m in an automatic Photo Booth that’s lead lined or surrounded by an (iron) curtain that stops the information getting through. I get it but not enough as it does not lead to action.

For example Kanchana gave me the ‘secret’ book and Tom has provided all sorts of positive insights—many others have helped— but it’s not led to the realisation of awareness and ‘action.’

You know the sort of stuff.

Well it began to fall into place this week. The timings right on the fourth anniversary of losing MAnjula

For more than four years there’s been a volcanic reaction, starting with the denial, then the acute shock of loss followed by the slow constant grinding down of grief.

Leading to anger and intolerance, to myself and others. it’s all so wrong… that negativeness is not what MAnjula (aka Full Full) and I are about.

It’s had its ups as well as downs and I’m generally quite robust (or so I thought) but the biggest challenge is the blame, the guilt, the what-ifs, wrapped up in depression. I have the overall feeling that I’ve let Manjula down and now I can’t do anything about it as she’s not physically with me anymore.

But I can …

learn to forgive myself, let the past be there, continue to celebrate MAnjula and as Louise says

“Life is really very simple. What we give out, we get back”

I really believe that but now need to act on it.

I remind Kaveri to ‘be kind’ and I need to listen and act on it myself and with myself

Did someone speak?

Hay’s book appeared in Manjula’s library, on the 23rd March, a gift from Rakesh

Speak to the paw.

Farrell Factoid

Goes without saying, listening is an integral part of this process. This popped up today.

Mysore traffic mayhem

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It gets worse every day

The bad behaviour becomes more apparent as the traffic increases., that will get worse as we become more ‘developed’.

Why?

Where to start…

The chaos at junctions when the lights turn green, as many are in the wrong lanes and there are more lanes than the markings indicate. The erratic driving which is not always because they’ve poor driving skills, most drivers are on the phone, but it’s not smart….

The lack of awareness and perennial indifference carry some of the blame, but it begins early on at the driving school and how people get their licence is a wonder to behold.

Many driving schools bring their learners through Siddarthanagar, our layout, for lessons, it’s unbelievable. I couldn’t even begin to tell you and I’ll leave my grumbles about what they’re taught to do with the horn, to the next posting.

Here’s examples that friends have told me about their tests.

An American friend had both a two wheeler (motorbike) and four wheeler (car) test on different days.

The examiner instructed him to drive up the road, round the roundabout and back to the start. He passed.

Next the examiner got in the car. Already an improvement. “Drive ahead, turn left , straight, turn right, stop.” My friend thought this was serious. “Stop here” The examiner got out of the car and entered a hotel (restaurant) leaving a few minutes later with ‘a parcel’ (takeaways) for the office. “Drive back to the RTO (office). You’ve passed.”

A neighbour’s daughter just paid the bribe, probably through a middle-man I’m not sure whether she’s actually driven to this day.

Another friend went to the new ‘automated’ track designed to put you through a series of situations and manoeuvres. The examiner gets in the car, you move forward, pay your bribe and you’re off. The examiner uses the (dual drive) pedals to ensure you brake properly and even helps you steer by lightly holding the steering wheel. Once again, it’s a pass.

If that wasn’t bad enough one proposal is to delegate the issuing of driving licences to the instructors. Really?

This Facebook posting following a column in the ‘Star of Mysore’ is what got me going. I’ve cycled, and ridden scooters, Enfield, van, Jeep and Manjula’s beautiful Ambassador on local roads.

The biggest challenge?

It’s a toss up between the ‘rash’ driving and constant pot holes, even on newly repaired roads it sometimes feels like you’re driving sideways.

The days after, three years ago

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Doing my duty…

When one suffers such loss that forms a trauma and it’s aftermath, it’s an extra challenge to focus on the positive.

It’s especially difficult at anniversary time. There’s a preoccupation with the loss, the guilt, a blaming.

In this month there’s also helpful reminders of good, our wedding ceremonies.

Some might wonder why I follow so ‘religiously’ the traditions. It’s simply my love and devotion for MAnjula.

I always tried my best to do what she wanted
And she was bossy

The day afterwards brings out memories of when she was laid to rest on her bed, outside our house with the tell tale symbols of the smouldering wood informing the neighbourhood what was happening. Next we’d go to the industrial shed-oven aka crematorium and before that a puja by the side led by Manjula’s brother.

A kindly neighbour brought Bhagavad Gita to help emphasise our duty not to become too attached to our loved ones and to help their soul spirit move onto another body.

Here’s me doing precisely that…..

Do follow the link and check the video at the end where I’m at one of the most significant places on Srirangaptnam; visited on every cycle tour over the past ten years.

I was so lucky

The day itself.

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The third death anniversary of Manjula. We try to do all the right things.

Signs are posted next to M’s garden to explain that we’ve created it in her memory. (It’s even in the shape of a ‘M’.) A large image of MAnjula is positioned at our gate, Hindu’s recognise immediately what it’s about.
We’re inviting her to come in. We all take it in turns to do puja, a request to the gods and wishes to MAnjula to help her on her way. Who
nows? Maybe she’s already found her next body but We play safe and do the ceremonies in case she hasn’t
I close the hall (lounge) door behind me as we all leave the house. This is to allow Manjula’s soul spirit to eat. We’ll gently knock on re-entering so she knows to go.
Sowbhaghya, who now tries her best to hold it all together is ably assisted by Tanuja and Satish the director’s of the new company: ‘Manjula’s Mysore’ to create a great day, remembering and helping MAnjula on her way.
Over the years friends have created a MAnjula memory tree.

Ina the Scottish Australian who became a great friend of ours and especially Manjula calls and arranges to visit later in the year.

Thank you MAnjula for being the all-embracing you, we all miss and cherish you while continuing to feel your presence.

I have another bright idea, I might regret it.

By the end of the day and unusually for this time of year it rains.

The evening before

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Smileys appear on our street.

I’m reminded of how I’d felt the need to protect my broken heart — like this one in a bottle — while looking around me at the images of my beautiful MAnjula which trigger happy joyful memories of our wonderful but short time together.

Tomorrow we’ll share a meal with MAnjula and a few close friends.