Just back from walking Lucie after another not-much-sleep night I peeked into the guest book.
Marie and Armand (see cycling photo) have just returned to Lyon. We had a great time together. Marie, an author and illustrator left a lovely image. Yes it’s me!!
If only I’d remember to ask more guests to write in it, as it proves to be a real tonic.
Continued…And again (northern English, you’ll understand)
It helps lift my head up from peering into the grief gravy when I all-too-often reflect on the things I wish I’d done better. I recognise I did what I did in difficult circumstances and my beautiful MAnjula was overall very happy.
Looks like another trip to Italy might be on the cards.
But I’m always brought up by inviting memories of radiant MAnjula to shine, who will always be a part of me
We have a rich mix of wonderful guests and not only friendly northerners. 🤔🤭
Ina with Sowbaghya and between them my very own wonderfulness
Ina visited us again this year to become ‘part of the furniture’. It was her tenth anniversary of visiting us.
We celebrated Manjula’s birthday with friends, visited Bylakuppe and Dorjee the monk, (the Tibetan who she sponsored as a child), and Ina got to know and appreciate our burgeoning Kaveri.
Photo from John Small
She left us after a month’s stay to go back home and visit family and friends in Singapore.
Photo from SB
I learned this morning that Ina died last night and her spirit joins her great friend Manjula’s on their next journey.
Photo from VasanthFrom Sowbaghya and with Satish and John
I’ll dive into my photos and post again with memories of Manjula and Ina together.
As I’ve paddled my boat through the grief gravy the layers of Manjula’s love become more apparent. I learn more everyday from her life.
“But when you want to gain love through success, it cannot be achieved through anything quantifiable. The people that will be crying when you depart the world are not doing so because of any number that is tied to your name. They are doing so because you were a loving partner, a caring friend, or a shepherd of kindness. You are dearly missed not because of what you’ve earned, but because of what you represented.”
I expect I’m doing my usual and stating the bleeding obvious.
In this unwelcome necessary extraordinary extended period of reflection and potential growth, I realise the greatest challenge.
Yes it’s about loss and grief, goes without saying, I suppose.
There’s been many but especially three (many more of course but three for listing here) . Losing someone through splitting up with a lover, second losing Manjula when she died. Now I’d count my tonic to deal with the grief as the third. It’s not loss but deep down it’s the equivalent.
So why do I put them together?
They represent times when I felt unable to do anything … actually experiencing powerlessness, learning lack of control in some situations.
That realisation comes … After a lifetime of reinforced messages that it’s up to us, we’re masters of our own destiny and in control.
The third example is having the wherewithal to support and guide Kaveri but to realise how handicapped I am in the face of a completely dysfunctional family who don’t understand or care.
Well done, Farrell — that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into (only yesterday, Kaveri was asking about Laurel and Hardy) — But of course it’s about regaining one’s equilibrium, being positive and constructive, working out the way that works and the benefit I can gain from another of life’s lessons.
So in a different way, it does depend on how we take it and manage the situation — critically it’s in the eyes of the beholder—and mostly about our relationships.
So as I said bleeding obvious.
I send this to you because you might not believe it but you are very important
I’ve now agreed to match whatever she saves this (financial) year, with the equivalent each year up until she reaches 21.
We’ve started counting her savings and placed them in a box at my home
That’s now over 5,000Rs from the two years I’ve known her, from selling bracelets at the kids market and generally extorting from the foreigners. 🤔🤭🙂
It’ll be put into a protected account so no one else can get their grubby hands on it.
One of the many many lessons I learned from Manjula is how she experienced people, particularly men but not exclusively, and also family members (and first husband) who would take her money, gold and send her out to the moneylenders to borrow more.
We will have protections in place, help educate Kaveri and hopefully the strong woman I know she will become will help safeguard her as an adult.
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Plus she’s astute at reminding me of my ‘pearls of wisdom’ when I forget to follow my own advice. So we’ll also keep an eye on each other.
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So Kaveri… the savings are for you to choose how to use BUT it’s a waste to spend on parties. Leave that until you’re rich.
comes from whimsical, I quite like the energy and pace involved but it isn’t necessarily the best way of making decisions or implementing change
I thought it might be useful to consider the difference between well thought through and ‘on the spur of the moment’ decisions. Here’s a dictionary definition.
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Quick decisions, not well thought through and rapidly changed can create unnecessary uncertainty and centralisation as the members of the team or community don’t know what might happen next. Unpredictably is the nature of our life but this approach can result in even more.
It might create an unhelpful organisational culture, that’s capricious.
The effect might be to create worry and uncertainty yet by contrast it can motivate some people through increased stimulation (and extra adrenaline) and quickly changing action.
It’s like the rushing fire engine dousing fires rather than thought through and planned.
So what’s not management via whim?
In the late 80s and early 90s when working for a (local) government , in England, I was given responsibility to consult the users and managers of a ‘welfare’ (social services) section and to review its services: was it meeting people’s needs? Could it be organised more efficiently and effectively?
A team of government officers and members of the community used this to devise a plan to reorganise the service. I together with my colleagues implemented that change.
All my workshops with businesses since then have been based on engaging people’s active participation. ie gaining ‘ownership’ of the various ‘stakeholders.’ (Ie those with interest and influence).
That approach is not management through whim, as people were consulted, a plan devised and adopted. It involved changing the jobs, buildings, shifting the budget. It took a long time to plan and implement. Continuous evaluation was built into how it worked.
The non-whimsical approach is likely to be more long-lasting and sustainable, and better suited to meeting the needs of the individuals and communities the organisation exists for.
BUT however we manage—it needs to anticipate, respond to and facilitate change ie innovate, otherwise it’ll not flourish or even survive.
Here’s two recent terms I’ve used to describe management ‘styles’ that may need more explanation.
Banyan
Meaning a manager who is so strong in imposing his or her will that nothing below can easily grow and flourish.
This style is often seen in command and control structures or in new developments that have difficulty in moving on from the initial pioneering stage.
The end result is limited delegation, people fearful of taking the initiative or making mistakes. It’s centralised control and reliance on one rather than the many in the team and loses the valuable diversity that is achievable through engaging all the brains in the organisation.
Please note I’m not disrespecting the Banyan which is wonderful.
Me and MYCycle 