Grief and grieving

I have to say something about this….. but I’m not ready to yet, beyond the following…

… I’ve just had helpful discussions with my sons. It’s critical to be heard.

Other friends have fedback that they’ve recently seen a real difference in me.

“Grief is not one thing, and it is not linear. It looks and feels different for everyone, and it can hit you at any point – even months or years after the fact.” From this article in the Guardian Newspaper.

In my view it keeps coming in waves.

The Guardian feature writer Emine Saner reports on the acceptance of grief as a medical condition

I don’t recognise this, but as I say — it’s different for everyone.

There is the risk of ‘pathologising” ie to ‘label’ things unhelpfully and somehow blame the individual.

But back to the first point, I believe grief after we lose someone is always with us, as I’ve said before it’s a new life-long-friend that we have to learn to live with for the rest of our lives.

We don’t get over it, yes it changes particularly through the process of grieving but it remains with us.

I say again .. we don’t ‘get over it’ and such statements can be at the very least unhelpful.

I understand however that there are some situations when the raw roughness of grief can be absolutely debilitating. At times it has been for me.

I have however valued the opportunity to share my feelings online and directly with friends. To celebrate Manjula and shout about her from the virtual treetops. That helped.

To reiterate … the bottom line is that this situation is unique for everyone and we all deal with it differently.

and … It never goes away.

More later.

You are not alone

It’s June and a new book has arrived for Manjula’s library. After over four years you’d think I’d stopped buying such books but far from it.

It’s another refreshing look at this challenging new life.

It reminds and reinforces that yes I could and should invite people to come share their stories.

If you get to the end of this posting and no 1 you’re still awake and 2 it resonates with you experiencing something similar and you might want to gain and provide support, then join our meeting.

This book is just the catalyst I’ve needed.

The first bit explains it well.

Here it is…

I’ve your interested please write directly or follow the link to yet another boring google form.

Stephen.

PS I’m about to go on holiday to the disunited kingdom so I’ll get in touch on my return probably not before September.

Post Brexit

I would joke that there was life after Brexit in the U.K. as an island old people’s home.

I take it back — there’s not enough people to staff it or tomatoes to feed the residents. .

But it’s worse: the inhumanity: commodification of people care, indifference of the owners, ignorance and inaction of the families, callousness of a privatised only-care-for-the-rich system, means you’re dumped into concentrated carelessness.

This article illuminates

We shouldn’t be surprised but why should we or how can we care?

Just make sure you,’re not feeble and alive to have to enjoy the mouldy fruits of the system

I sometimes scoff about extended supportive family networks. I shouldn’t but I do question whether they shouldn’t also be on life support. The fact is it’s the compassion and care amplified through people connections to each other we sorely need injecting to revitalise our communities

Me as a 66 year old am about to go care for an eight year old that helps blow life into this bundle of walking cobwebs.

I feel young again. Ha ha

March 2023 update

We continue to celebrate and recognise beautiful Manjula with …..

Next…..

Is Manjula’s fourth death anniversary and …

We’re already … Meeting and preparing with crafts and more books for Kaveri’s second Summer Holiday.

And Manjula’s library is getting used…

An education for ……. Kaveri?

Kaveri is a real star. You might have noticed — from my regular postings — that I’m impressed with her. She’s personable, a smart cookie and a wonderful help for me in the new challenging situation without Manjula by my side.

Manjula’s Mysore and I are committed to supporting Kaveri where we can and sponsoring her education. We hope some of our community of guests help out a bit too. But what options are the best?

So I had to do some research. I read up about it,

I have two adult sons and a granddaughter, my first career was as a social worker with children and families, then a manager of welfare services in government, worked on developing partnerships in the UK and India but you can never know too much, obviously. This is very challenging for all concerned.

So I’ve got a bit of experience at all sorts of different levels, communities and cultures.

But I know you can never have enough knowledge, insights, awareness, empathy and understanding. Even more challenging, I’m not part of the family and need to be completely in tune with their needs and wishes.

I’ve discussed the situation with a network I’ve created of educationalists, social workers, psychologists

But most importantly fully involved (including visits to schools) her mum, and madam herself.

so what’s to do?

There is a clear preference, from the family, for Kaliyuva Mane — A school FOR children and home for learning founded by M R Ananth Kumar.

It’s a free residential school for children in Kenchalagudu on the outskirts of Mysore.

I first visited the school on a cycle yatra over ten years ago. It was featured in my article

It’s child centred

It focuses on the needs of the child and so it is outside the mainstream system. It’s similar to the alternative schools found around the world.

But it’s residential.

I wonder if that’s best for an eight year old maybe in the circumstances its exactly what’s required.

You might be wondering, how did it get to this? who is Kaveri and why am I proposing that we support her?

What’s an education for?

I’m concerned that the school systems globally are not ‘fit for purpose’, in that they are more like sausage factories and don’t properly cater for the whole person and their diverse needs.

Not unlike this…..

I have also consulted books such as those by Ken Robinson, visited schools and discussed the situation with friends in Mysore and elsewhere.

In mysore we have a full range of options, not only Kalyuva Mane, and Arivu which offer something a little different, there’s also the full range of government, religious/trust and private schools covering the many curricular available in India.

There’s even agile Shala with its programme, online and education centres another valuable alternative.

What a super range of options.

I was seriously impressed and then bowled after meeting wonderfully articulate, well rounded children who’s parents provide ‘home’ schooling.

So, why the interest?

I have a particular young girl in mind. You’ve guessed it?

I’m trying to find out what would suit Kaveri

Most importantly I’ve discussed with Kaveri and her mum, it’s obviously their decision.

Stop it

Oy, stop eating me.

I’ve just got back from walking Lucie and couldn’t find the kits anywhere.

I’d left the garage door open so they had access to the yard.

Eventually I found one of the whiteys and slowly they began to appear from their hiding place under the washing machine.

I think something scared them and mum wasn’t here.

Now they’re relaxed and we’re bonding through biting.

They haven’t worked out eating their soft solids (meat or fish) without sticking their nose in it. …. hence the dirty nostrils.

Mum returns from her freedom holiday.

We’re all ok now.