A YIndian, Yorkshire by birth and Indian by marriage. Originally from the UK, I've now lived in Mysore, South India for over ten years with my beautiful wife Manjula. MeandMycycle is about the ups, downs and ups of our life in Mysore and our creations: Mysore Bed and Breakfast and MyCycle Tours.
“Transactive memory is part of what intimacy means….. it is the loss of this kind of joint memory that helps to make divorce so painful. .. They once were able to discuss their experiences to reach a shared understanding…. The loss of transactive memory feels like losing a part of one’s own mind.” Page 189
I can vouch for that and more, having ‘lost’ the two women Liz and MAnjula—Manjula and Liz, that were so critically important to me in my life.
We would often say how lucky we are to have found each other and shared our home with a constant stream of new friends arriving at our door.
We had visitors yesterday.
A lovely family who first came to stay with us ten years ago with their young daughters.
What a lovely surprise.
B C Shetty and Mamatha Dhrithi and Diya
Dhrithi and Diya have now grown to be strong clever young women, a real credit to their parents and themselves. At ages 15 and 17 they’ve been home schooled.
Fantastic and a great example how the women in India are seriously getting their act together.
Wonderful positive shared memories of MAnjula and our friends
Today! I’m uncertain my T shirt was appropriate wear.
After our ‘family’ weekend, that’s Me with the girls…. Kaveri, her mum Chandrika, sister (aka auntie) Radikha together with Lucie at Chera Rocks in Kannur,
We introduced body boards to the beach, work and play. A fun weekend together.
Over two years ago I asked friends to keep an eye out for a young girl who I might support in Manjula’s name.
There’s no shortage of children experiencing challenging circumstances here in India. I wanted to find someone with a similar background to MAnjula but no one came forward.
Then one day in the park opposite our house I heard a helloooooo.
My first introduction to Kaveri
Shortly after that first meeting I was using Manjula’s ‘flash cards’ to discover how much English she knew.
This video shows how she responded by turning the tables on me
I was impressed with her confident assertiveness with a foreigner she’d only just met.
Yesterday Sowbaghya who has become indispensable at Mysore Bed and Breakfast and Radikha Kaveri’s aunty who’s more like a sister and I were reflecting with kaveri on how she’d changed over this last year or so.
I’d clearly spotted a smart cookie, confident and assertive a good communicator. She’s carried along that same track
Yesterday reading a pictorial version of the Little Prince she was confidently tackling unfamiliar words switching to phonetic pronunciation where necessary.
She’s important in my life for many reasons not least for helping me manage my grief. Growing to help me fill the space around it.
I look forward to our continuing time together and helping her continue to grow her beautiful character.
On or way out we noticed the elephants and cannons. A practice for the procession next weekWe were ordering a new MAnjula sign in Kannada to go next to her garden in the park, followed by a visit to the stone carvers. and a drink in this traditional Brahmin juice shop for sarsaparilla and fruit salad with ice cream .
I was stopped on my usual cycle route this morning. An order prohibiting an event with a party political tint was the reason.
First the police officer stopped me. Star one and two got involved. I couldn’t go past.
I’m cycling and clearly nothing to do with the political agitation or whatever it is. The police act as a parent (or at least want to enjoy bossing the foreigner) and show no mental flexibility. I respond as an adult. (Psychological Reference: transactional analysis and the book: ‘games people play’) not as a ‘child.’
I don’t even want to go up the Chamundi hill (the subject of the order) I want to go around the bottom and backside (Indian English not double entendre).
So I reach out to third star.
He sees beyond the conventional level of following the rules aka orders and let’s me through. He’s clearly established the principles in his head which guides his decisions and actions. (Another psychology connection) and rests at advanced post-conventional level. Please see below and Kohlberg’s Theory of moral development.
Either that, or the mention of my Indian wife, did the trick. 🤔🤭
I hope we can help the children at Kaliyuvamane to develop core values and principles exactly like the three star policeman .
Or at least help Kaveri to reach the top level.
I also look forward to the overdue campaign to take car drivers beyond ‘pre-conventional.’ As many haven’t even achieved that level (of following the rules) as yet, it’s maybe too much to expect.
Me and MYCycle 