Challenge and change

Or stay the same

The choice is ours, whether it’s on an individual, organisational or societal level.

Some changes come easier then others but let’s stick with the question of — should we challenge and change?

In my view there’s an unequivocal yes.

As an individual and the networks, groups or communities we form, of course we change.

What’s learning if it’s not adopting and adapting to changing situations, and developing new ways of doing things (and thinking!).

Some people and organisations will challenge change and prefer to stick with the status quo.

When that happens, look a little deeper.

What’s their motivation not to want to change? Fear? Retaining or enhancing power?

One of the most important aspects of change is personal development, it helps create who we are.

But it’s also nonsensical to suggest there shouldn’t be change in our wider groups and society

It’s critical that we innovate and adapt, developing the requisite abilities. That might be number one priority.

Well not quite.

Our actual biggest challenge is friction, and by this I mean between people, their organisations, communities, and nations.

We need to develop effective sustainable relationships and to achieve that we need to learn to be kind.

That requires us to see things from the others’ point of view, to communicate, to connect, to be flexible and adapt.

Yes… change, constantly.

Maybe we can actually reduce violent conflict …. Now that would be cool.

So we can choose to change and not be stuck …

… in what previous generations have handed down to us

NOR

…. in our personal experiences and traumas

We can shift.

Simple eh?

Admittedly. It’s not straightforward … No it’s our life long challenge, to choose who we want to be and hopefully find happiness and contentment.

But if we’re not conscious and try we might just lose this lifelong opportunity.

There’s books I’d recommend, in Manjula’s library that help cover this.

So when we next hear someone rejecting change, said in so many ways: ‘that’s not our tradition’, ‘that’s how we do it here’, ‘it’s our culture’ we can’t, etc etc then it’s for the WPB

Ok, that might be a bit harsh, at least dive into more reflection and re-evaluation.

– Are our ways of thinking and doing fit for purpose anymore?

– Is it appropriate in this day and age?

Now that’s maybe opened a reactionary can-of-worms.

The following books are in Manjula’s library.

You might also want to check Vedanta! Perhaps recommend a book for the library.

Important Rituals and fun things.

October update.

We have our fair share of things we do … at Mysore Bed and Breakfast.

Here we commemorate MAnjula and help her spirit find its new body.

Support Kaveri in Manjula’s name and share her sunshine

Go cycling with our guests

Ask the goddess to make our ‘tools’ work for the next year

That’s MAnjula

“There are some people who have sun inside them.
It’s hard to explain.
Their presence just brightens, it’s not about their beautiful smiles.
They have an internal being that sheds light and feels like sun.
It’s a calm energy. Inner peace.
But most importantly; it’s not wanting anything back in return.
It’s sun.”

— Unknown 🎀

As is this …..

We even invented a sun cake.

Awards

Everyone who visits Mysore Bed and Breakfast deserves an award, partly because they’ve tolerated me and also missed MAnjula.

Some people go above and beyond such as …

Ina visited every year and became our biggest and closest friend. Here she’s sharing memories about MAnjula.

Her award is for constantly reminding me of the wonderfulness of MAnjula, visiting us each year and being a solid support after ‘losing’ MAnjula.

Please meet Ina

Tom and Amy, also became wonderful supportive friends being part of our life, through many visits and helping me in so many ways including at short notice, visiting to support me after MAnjula died.

To MAnjula for filling up my life.

She adapted the ‘glass half full’ saying to full full.

Florian a good friend who recently returned to Mysore from Germany for some bizarre reason has read the blog site. He’s commended for fighting his way through that jungle.

Scary

Kaveri for being my adopted granddaughter who miraculously popped into my life and with her fab character reminds me so much of MAnjula. She could have been our daughter. Here’s a video taken shortly after we met.

… and a thank you to the many people who’ve found us via the net and just said hello in the street, at a hotel, or visited us, particularly those who attend our reflective space event or come to stay in our home.

We couldn’t, of course, forget Lucie and Billet-Doux.

or Sowbaghya (aka SB) who

manages everything

Seen here with Ina

The very first reward was given fourteen years ago and still hangs in Manjula’s Library.

The T shirt was a later addition after I knew we’d fallen in love

Precious moments

After watching Ina’s family’s celebration of her life, (funeral).

I’m reminded to try and always leave meeting someone with warmth and care as it might be the last time we see them. I did with Ina but still need reminding to always be attentive, kind and share compassion.

That’ll do nicely, Lucie appreciates her comforting gift (having taken over the downstairs floor) and can pretend she’s the queen, when the cat’s not around.
The two big buddies. Manjula and Ina who just might already be having a gas, a great time together, as souls who will reconnect.

There’s more about Ina here

Each year we will do Puja for MAnjula and Ina to help their spirits ‘on the way’ to their new lives.

Language of love

A recent arrival at Manjula’s Library.

There’s a short chapter on ‘the language of love’ my reaction is not surprising, given the subject.

It happens ‘sometimes’. …

There’s a physical tightening of the stomach and a sort of shift in the eyes and forehead leading to the feeling of tears welling and a teeny moisturising of the eyes. I’m still making my way through the fantasy fairground tunnel of love slowly through the thick mud of grief gravy. Whilst I’ll never get to the end I need to ensure I break into the positive memory zones and rediscover tolerance.

On the way I’m reminded of previous moments of our wonderful life that I was lucky enough to share with my MAnjula.

Her love was constant (probably) and consistent built on her strengths of attentiveness and presence. I love her more as I’m share more of its layers passing through this crazy tunnel.

I realise that I’ve written this with John Lennon’s Woman playing in the background and it all started with you are my sunshine.

Lyrics below

Woman
I can hardly express
My mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness
After all, I’m forever in your debt

And woman
I will try to express
My inner feelings and thankfulness
For showing me the meaning of success

Woman
I know you understand
The little child inside the man
Please remember, my life is in your hands

And woman
Hold me close to your heart
However distant, don’t keep us apart
After all, it is written in the stars

woman
Please let me explain
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain
So let me tell you again and again and again

I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever
I love you, yeah-yeah
Now and forever

——-

You are my sunshine

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy 
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take 
My sunshine away

The other night, dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you 
In my arms
When I awoke, dear
I was mistaken
So I hung my head and cried

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy 
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take 
My sunshine away

Manjula and Ina

Manjula and Lucie (our dog) Welcoming Ina to our home.

After that first visit she would field questions from our guests who came to share our home — Mysore Bed and Breakfast– were we a couple?

Ina acknowledged before us that we’d fallen in love.

Ina came every year (except during the pandemic) from that first visit, for a total of ten years. She became a very close friend of my wife Manjula and a great support to me helping me grieve Manjula. She was our favourite and most regular guest, here Ina is promoting us with the new mug and proving she became an essential part of the team (furniture!).

The photos are from our last year with Manjula visiting the local Tibetan settlement and Somnathpur Temple. Ina, Manjula, Willan (our workawayer in 2018) and myself, Stephen

I was their sometime chauffeur

Together, celebrating Manjula’s last birthday in 2018

There’s more here including Ina’s visit a month ago

We will miss Ina, a wonderful caring character, who has become part of our life, here in Mysore. After Manjula died she often referred to her as a Lotus who had survived and thrived through the mud. They both radiated their goodness as sisters and had a wicked sense of humour

Ina lit a candle for her and what we’ll do each year is a Puja for both Manjula and Ina to help their spirits find their new home.

Just as we recently did for Manjula

We look forward to meeting again

Stephen

Asking for help with our tools.

SB came to do Ayudha puja to ask the goddess to look after our tools and help them perform for the next year

Nice sari
Can’t miss out the cycles
Poor radical did feel a bit left out.
Lucie is often not impressed.

Next day is the final event of the annual celebration of the goddess killing the demon, after which our fair city is named!

That’s a stay home and avoid the crowds day.

Lowly-raised

I’m feeling a bit low

Just back from walking Lucie after another not-much-sleep night I peeked into the guest book. 

Marie and Armand (see cycling photo) have just returned to Lyon. We had a great time together. Marie, an author and illustrator left a lovely image. Yes it’s me!!

If only I’d remember to ask more guests to write in it, as it proves to be a real tonic. 

Continued…
And again (northern English, you’ll understand)

It helps lift my head up from peering into the grief gravy when I all-too-often reflect on the things I wish I’d done better. I recognise I did what I did in difficult circumstances and my beautiful MAnjula was overall very happy. 

Looks like another trip to Italy might be on the cards.

But I’m always brought up by inviting memories of radiant MAnjula to shine, who will always be a part of me

We have a rich mix of wonderful guests and not only friendly northerners. 🤔🤭

Then wonderful photos pop up.

Thanks to our friend Google